Hijacking

[2airishuman]

the line up 2night on pbs...

"generation xl"...no pe in schools and fat kids? who'd of thunk it...

followed by...

"supernatural science, spontaneous human combustion"...

arewestillhere?

it has really happened, NO FOOLIN!

i've had 2 cousins that spontaneously combused (one of them twice)...

oh and my neighbor is a bubble boy

cheers
2air'

[N2XBW]

Look Pal,
A couple of us maybe stick our nose in this thread, see.
Then maybe you get all burned up over it, see. Go up in a puff.
The next thing, maybe your neighbor kid, mystriously-like, comes up minus a bubble, see.
So keep yer hijackin' hands where i can see 'em.
FAT LOUIE

[mrmossyone]

You try to take his bubble and Travolta will go all Saturday Night Fever on yo crazy a$$ and he only hijacks when he uses somebody else's face.....see.

[tin sista]

Well now in East Detroit a few moons ago my great uncle Louis, known as Crazy Louis to the Buffalo (Belgian Americans) of that area called the cabbage patch used to say Louis, for gods sake speaka da english doncha want to be a yank like everyone else?? He came to a poor outcome in Atlanta Georgia gambling and setting a poor example to everyone else, so dont be like crazy louis oky doky that's all the genealogy I know...

[N2XBW]

Speakin' of geneology, I hear diarrhea is very much inherited because of the way in which it comes down thro' your jeans. Somebody tol' me that annyway.
You keepin' those hands where I can see 'em?
FAT LOUIE

[N2XBW]

Hey yous mugs. Since yer just waitin 'round, lemmie tell you 'bout my cousin Joey's kid.

Joey had this kid by his second wife -Annette, Babbette-something like that, may she have piece. He was tryin to go it straight, see. Went to college and everyting.

So anyways this kid, Alphonse- Joey always admired Big Al- Alphonse was about to graduate college.

Joey was tryn' to figure what to give the kid for a present, you know for graduation from that college. The only thing he can think of is his old man's -his old man was Raphael - Ralphie the Rod - you know a contractor. Well anyway, he decides to give the kid his pop's pearl-handled 45 - a very substantial piece - on account of the old man wouldn't need it where he was now.

So comes the graduation party, he hands the kid the piece and the kid don't want it. Don't even want to touch it. "What can I give you then? Joey asks the kid.

The kid speaks right up, says, "How about Grandpa's wrist watch, you know that one with the diamonds on the hours?"

"You think a watch is better than a piece?" Joey asks the young Al. "Someday you'll want this. You'll need it."

"I don't see how I'll ever need or want a gun," says the kid, all high and mighty.

Joey is taken right back. He thinks just a moment, then he speaks.
"So OK, I give you this watch and you put it on your arm and wear it every day. You go into a legit business and start gettin' rich. Every day you look at that watch and see if you're early or late.

Then one day you meet this beautiful woman and pretty soon you're married and got a couple kids in a nice big house, a mansion, all legit.

One day you come home from work a little early, and there's this guy in there with your beautiful wife. What the %$&* you gonna' do, look at your watch an say 'TIMES UP'?"

Keep your hands where I can see 'em.

FAT LOUIE

[Gene]

Originally Posted by 2airishuman

spontaneous human combustion"...

arewestillhere?

it has really happened, NO FOOLIN!

i've had 2 cousins that spontaneously combused (one of them twice)...


2air'

Note that it is always women, often wearing black shoes and stockings (see the link above), that combust. We learn from this not to sit next to women wearing black shoes while we are wearing paper clothes and especially while managing the solar system.

We are fortunate to receive such important educational information on this thread.

My condolences to 2air about his unfortunate cousins and hope their legs and shoes have been bronzed or aluminized for science.

Now… where is my medication?

Gene

[2airishuman]

Originally Posted by CrawfordGene

...hope their legs and shoes have been bronzed or aluminized for science...

not exactly.

but they did get used by a certain beverage company as contest prizes...

the long one to the winner and shorter one 4 runner up...

i'd love to share the story but we'll save it till the next uppsala ...

it is wonderful when new business opportunities and yuletide happiness rises like a phoenix from the fire...

cheers
2air'

[N2XBW]

هذا إختطاف. أخذت هذا نقاشة في مكان ما باردة, رطبة وممتعة. نحن تماما مريضة من هذا رمليّة فأس فتحة بئر!

[This is a hijack. Take this discussion someplace cool, moist and pleasant. We’re totally sick of this sandy rat hole!]

AHAB

[2airishuman]

well the aftershocks from being plutoed continue...

but in a good way.

i hinted at this is post 560/2 or so...

nasa in their outer wisdom makes a bold sound in space.

nasa to beam beatles

of course it will take a while to reach its destination, only 400 million light years out...

but we can enjoy the NEW HOLIDAY TODAY! 7pm eastern, 6pm central.

atu day

in pictures

of outerspace

or in words, sing a long...

alien karoke

cheers and send me love to the aliens!

2air'

[ROBERT CROSS]

Originally Posted by 2airishuman

well the aftershocks from being plutoed continue...

but in a good way.

i hinted at this is post 560/2 or so...

nasa in their outer wisdom makes a bold sound in space.

nasa to beam beatles

of course it will take a while to reach its destination, only 400 million light years out...

but we can enjoy the NEW HOLIDAY TODAY! 7pm eastern, 6pm central.

atu day


cheers and send me love to the aliens!

2air'

That atu day sounds like fun, where do you sign-up?

[N2XBW]

As a matter of fact, someone posted photos of the fire on youtube.
Ckick here:

[mrmossyone]

I'm too young to have been a fan of the Beatles when they were playing but I became a fan of their music in highschool and still am. I plan on playing some old Beatle's vinyl later tonight while I smoke a fine cigar and drink a nice adult beverage.

[Gene]

What will the Borg do when they hear Sgt. Pepper?

Is their advance agent, Victor Borge, still around? Warning: Nasa should not beam his records to outer space—messages are hidden within and it would be the end of life as we know it.

Gene

[N2XBW]

You know that gold record NASA sent into space years ago, the one with all the sounds of Earth? If the aliens happen to play it backwards, it's an Eddy Murphy monolog. The aliens will think we're all %^&*@#^ who like to %^&# and *&^#% all day.

[mistral blue]

rational and reasoned threads sometimes need hipster titles

and

hijacks

can really strike a nerve,

so in a less extreme vein,

is it safe?

?

[tin sista]

According to the latest from Americas finest news source The Onion, nothing is safe until...
Dept. Of Homeland Security: 'Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?'

February 4, 2008 | Issue 44•06

WASHINGTON—In an emergency press conference held this morning, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff urged the American public to be on the lookout for a folder that was misplaced sometime in the last 24 hours, most likely in the DHS offices, but also possibly anywhere else.
The last known location of the folder, described as a blue hanging-type folder with the DHS logo on the front, was in the hands of Assistant Secretary of the Office of Intergovernmental Programs Anne P. Petera during a classified meeting with President Bush and the Joint Chiefs of Staff yesterday. It reportedly contains a number of documents and satellite images that would be of no interest whatsoever to anyone if they found it.

Photo 1: Chertoff looks in vain through the cabinet where the Department of Homeland Security keeps all its bills.
"I can assure all Americans that the assistant secretary could have sworn she had it with her when she went through the metal detector," Chertoff said. "According to the latest information, she set it down for only a second right before the briefing, and now it is gone. Officials have diligently checked everywhere from the bathroom, to the top of the refrigerator in the breakroom, to the underground emergency command bunker we were touring this morning with representatives from the Centers for Disease Control, but apparently it has simply disappeared."
Added Chertoff, "It has got to be around here somewhere, so please, if you see a blue folder, say something."
While Chertoff would not comment on the nature of the lost documents, he did specify that there were approximately 45 pages of white 8 1/2 x 11" recycled paper, half of which were three-hole punched, and half bound with staples and stamped "Top Secret."
Though he maintained that the folder itself was not of the utmost importance, Chertoff claimed the contents within had "sentimental value" to the DHS. He insisted that any person or persons who came upon the folder would not be interested in any of the documents anyway, since most are encoded with the U.S. military's most advanced encryption technology.
Chertoff also asked citizens to be on the lookout for the DHS' encryption key, which went missing last October.
"There is absolutely no reason for concern," Chertoff said. "It's just that the folder was supposed to be on Sheila's desk by the end of the day today, and it would be reassuring if it were returned. But I stress that this is not a particularly urgent matter because, again, it's not absolutely essential to national security. However, if we could get it back by 3 p.m. on Feb. 27, that would be for the best for all of us."
Aides distributed a sketch of the folder to reporters while Chertoff explained that all field agents under the department's jurisdiction have been recalled to Washington to initiate a full sweep for the folder, which, according to Chertoff, could actually be yellow, come to think of it. He also outlined tactics that the DHS has taken thus far to recover the folder, including retracing their steps all the way back to a local Starbucks, going through the office trash bin, waterboarding several members of the DHS cleaning staff, and looking in the same desk drawer 10 times.

This new revelation is particularly embarrassing for the DHS, given last month's news that Chertoff lost the phone number of a terrorist informant that he had jotted down on a coaster.
Critics who have repeatedly taken the department to task for such lapses have also been vocal about the latest incident.
"In November, Assistant Secretary of United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement Julie L. Meyers left some sensitive documents on the bus, and acting Deputy Chief of Staff Paul Schneider locked himself out of his office no fewer than five times in the past year," said Bob Edgar of the watchdog group Common Cause. "We demand that the DHS take drastic steps to change the way it protects our homeland, such as coming up with rhyming mnemonic devices or even taping Post-It notes to their clothes."
Chertoff assured reporters that he was not accusing anyone in particular of stealing the folder, and said he would leave his office door open so it could be put back on his desk while no one was looking.
"It is of the utmost importance that you go about your daily routine as if nothing vital to the country's very sovereignty has fallen into the hands of hostile forces hell-bent on destroying the United States," Chertoff said. "Hopefully, the folder will turn up soon."
The press conference concluded with Chertoff raising the National Threat Advisory to red, thereby placing the country under martial law until the folder is returned.

[HiHoAgRV]

So that's why security did the full body cav.. sorry .. search prior to letting me on base today
I've had better Thursdays....

[N2XBW]

[N2XBW]

New Element Named

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named – Governmentium (Gmn).

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. The difference between the actual weight and the given weight is all the sub-assistant deputy nephew and brother-in-law neutrons on the payroll who never actually show up for work - and no one cares.

These 312 particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast clouds of active lepton-like particles called peons.
The peons are the only particles with any discernable movement, most of which centers around a poorly understood activity scientists have labeled “C. Y. A.” or CrYptic Activity.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. Thus Govermentium is the only known natural anti-catalyst.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. If something you are trying to accomplish slows way down, you can be sure that Governmentium has become involved.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

Since it has no electrons, it has a great positive charge; it charges and charges and charges…. But never seems to get enough. Positive!

Although it is naturally inert, Governmentium (Gmn) readily combines with Pecunium (Pcm). When Governmentium is compounded with Pecunium, the common salt Spendium (Gmn2Pcm4,000,000,000) is formed. Note that it takes a LOT of Pecunium to satisfy a very little Govermentium.

With an endless supply of Pecunium, Governmentium jumps up an energy level to become Administratium - an isodope which radiates half as much light as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.