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Old 04-10-2007, 06:23 PM   #41
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Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
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Old 04-10-2007, 06:37 PM   #42
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It don't take a very big person to carry a
grudge.
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Old 04-10-2007, 06:42 PM   #43
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It is always darkest before it goes totaly @#$*!&?^ black. Edited for prime time.

When all else fails, read the manual.

Moma said there would be days like this???

(early on a Monday morning) Is it Friday yet??
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Old 04-10-2007, 06:45 PM   #44
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Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
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Old 04-11-2007, 12:22 AM   #45
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The trouble with most people is that they won't admit their faults.
I'd admit mine if I had any.
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Old 04-11-2007, 12:24 AM   #46
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  • The voices in my head may not be real, but sometimes they have good ideas
  • Duct tape is like the force - it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together
  • Don't take life seriously - you won't get out alive
And of course my signature line...
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Old 04-11-2007, 12:27 AM   #47
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Things are gradually falling into place - on top of me.

If, a two letter word for futility.

Single-handedly, I have fought my way into this hopeless mess.
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Old 04-11-2007, 04:54 AM   #48
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As my Dad used to tell me when I was a little bad boy;

"Do not worry my son, your butt is not made of glass and my belt will not break it". Well------- it did not, but it was good start to learn respect.
"Boatdoc"
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Old 04-11-2007, 07:09 AM   #49
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Favorite moto

"If you get a good buy, get a lifetime supply."
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Old 04-11-2007, 08:27 AM   #50
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Youre over fifty if:-- In a hostage situation you're likely to be released first.

When all else fails, eat!

Most of my problems either have no answer, or else the answer is worse than the problem.
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Old 04-11-2007, 11:03 AM   #51
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Always borrow money from pessimists.

They don't expect it back.
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Old 04-11-2007, 11:59 AM   #52
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Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

If you lose your job, your marriage and your mind all in one week, try to lose your mind first, because then the other stuff won't matter that much.

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
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Old 04-11-2007, 01:14 PM   #53
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Favorite Saying

You can't fix stupid, just clean up after it.

However

Ignorance you can work with.

Knowing the difference is the trick.

Beginner
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Old 04-11-2007, 01:18 PM   #54
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If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.

There is one question that probably drives just about every vampire crazy: "Oh, do you know Dracula?"

For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genitalia.
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Old 04-11-2007, 01:38 PM   #55
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Worry is the interest you pay on a problem before you buy it. pj
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Old 04-11-2007, 01:50 PM   #56
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Instead of half-mast, maybe you could fly a flag at three-quarter-mast for a guy who's in a coma. Then, if he gets worse, the flag gets lower, or if he gets better, it starts to move up, so you can just look at the flag and see how he's doing.

People need to realize that every time they talk about how "fragile" our planet is, it's just like asking outer-space aliens to come invade us.

One bad thing about Lassie, she was always warning you about something. Let me be surprised for a change.
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Old 04-11-2007, 02:05 PM   #57
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Do you understand all you know about it?

Figures don't lie, but liars know how to figure!
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Old 04-11-2007, 02:13 PM   #58
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If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.

It's funny how two simple words, "I promise," will stall people for a while.

I think it should be a law that if you ever get sucked up into a tornado, whatever you can grab with your hands while you're swirling around up there, you get to keep.
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Old 04-11-2007, 02:37 PM   #59
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If a man speaks in a forest and there is not woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Believe 25% of what you hear and 50% of what you see.
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Old 04-11-2007, 03:06 PM   #60
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very funny stuff . . .

a couple of my favorites:
"I still Miss My Ex-Wife . . . But My Aim is Getting Better"

"Remember, If Your Woman Don't Find You Handsome Make Sure She Finds You Handy" (which I add: "And If She Don't Find You Handy Then Just Make Sure She Finds You")
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