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Old 01-21-2007, 09:30 AM   #81
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Envelope Please...

Baby seal walks into a club...
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Old 01-21-2007, 09:47 AM   #82
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Originally Posted by Kevbo10
Baby seal walks into a club...
... everyone stops what they're doing ...
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Old 01-28-2007, 08:10 PM   #83
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There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

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(Buffett RIP 9/15/08, Gus RIP 12/22/15)(Roger RIP 12/30/20, Penny RIP 6/14/21)

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Old 01-28-2007, 08:12 PM   #84
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There are 3 kinds of people in this world.

Those that can count, and those that can't.
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(Buffett RIP 9/15/08, Gus RIP 12/22/15)(Roger RIP 12/30/20, Penny RIP 6/14/21)

1997 34' Excella WBCCI 5936
'09 Dodge Cummins Ram 3500 Crew 4x4 auto
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Old 01-28-2007, 09:39 PM   #85
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New Mirrors for those who wish to go the thrifty" route
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Old 01-29-2007, 12:11 AM   #86
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Now, that's funny!!!
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Old 01-31-2007, 07:02 PM   #87
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We went out to dinner w/some friends last night..my friend asked the server if she could have a White Russian..the server said, just a second please, ma'am and disappeared from our tabke..2 seconds later, he brought back w/him a 6 ft. handsome White Russian...will this do, he says???..she says yes, I'll take that 'to go'..
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Old 01-31-2007, 08:57 PM   #88
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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington and they tracked her calves to their stalls? But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them each a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it any more.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shalt Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.
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Old 01-31-2007, 09:25 PM   #89
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if this doesn't get me thrown off the forum.....

Guy walks into a bar...no one in the place, 'cept the bartender and him...and the bartender is on the phone.
As soon as he sits down at a stool, The guy hears as plain as day..
"Gee, that is a nice tie you are wearing!"
He looks around, seeing no one...confused....he orders a drink...
Few minutes later, same voice..clear as a bell..'The cut of your suit is impeccable!!"
Guy still sees nobody, and the barkeep is still conversing on the phone.
Again, a few minutes later, the same voice says, "You are really looking marvelous today!"....
By this time the customer has had it, and demands that the bartender speak to him....He asks where these voices are coming from.....
The bartender looks at him very calmly, and declares....

"Oh, that !! That's the peanuts!! They're complimentary!!!"
__________________

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Grosse Ile, Mich.
1969 23' Safari Twin
WBCCI # 22426
(formerly #22425 1968-76)



When it is my time, I want to go peacefully,
And in my sleep.....Just like my Grandfather....
Not screaming, kicking and in a state of panic,
like the other passengers in his car were......
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Old 01-31-2007, 10:04 PM   #90
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Test: Bird Gender Identification

Which is the Female?

Please guess to yourself (not out loud, or on-line).
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(Buffett RIP 9/15/08, Gus RIP 12/22/15)(Roger RIP 12/30/20, Penny RIP 6/14/21)

1997 34' Excella WBCCI 5936
'09 Dodge Cummins Ram 3500 Crew 4x4 auto
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Old 01-31-2007, 10:36 PM   #91
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I can't tell but the one on the right kinda reminds me of my ex wife.
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Yes, we have courtesy parking for you. About an hour North of Los Angeles.
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Old 01-31-2007, 11:28 PM   #92
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil and/or Sue
Which is the Female?

Please guess to yourself (not out loud, or on-line).
The one closest to the mall
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Old 02-01-2007, 08:00 AM   #93
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil and/or Sue
Which is the Female?

Please guess to yourself (not out loud, or on-line).
It's the one driving during rush hour traffic while talking on her cell phone. Men aren't that good at multi-tasking!
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Old 02-01-2007, 03:26 PM   #94
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil and/or Sue
Which is the Female?

Please guess to yourself (not out loud, or on-line).

Depends on who's house you are visiting...
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Old 02-01-2007, 03:31 PM   #95
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Long on luxury

Here is the latest in SOB camping...
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Old 02-01-2007, 03:39 PM   #96
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Hey, that thing is cool! Wonder if it has a cab pass-thru window so you can sneak off for a little while. For a nap of course.
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Old 02-01-2007, 04:19 PM   #97
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How about a Riddle?

Hi I'm from OSHA and I am here to help you!

Hi I'm from the IRS and I am here to help you!

Hi I'm from the DNR and I am here to help you!

Hi I'm from FEMA and I am here to help you!

Hi I am you elected representative and I am here to help you.

Hi I am your soon to be ex wife's divorce attorney, I am here to help you.

Hi I am the local Fire Marshal and I am here to help you!

Hi I am the local health inspector and I am here to help you!

Hi I am Vito, I work for Frank, you owe Frank, I am here to help you!

Only one of these interesting people is truly being honest and truthful, the riddle is which one? It could be anyone - it could be everyone.

The real test is why you think the one you choose is honest over the others.
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Old 02-01-2007, 08:01 PM   #98
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Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm: "Oh, my goodness!"

Mae West: "Goodness had nothing to do with it."
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Old 02-02-2007, 08:49 AM   #99
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Texas Women, Kittens and Biscuits

I betray my Alamo-town roots (from my mom):

Someone once noted that a Texan can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a 6-lane highway."

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about her new transplanted northern friend who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Texas accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to Texas a couple of years ago.

"Can you believe it?" said her friend, "A child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships, and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

I have a friend from Bawston, bless her heart, who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin" to do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is, or what "I reckon" means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she cain't help being ugly, but she could'uh stayed home."


Texas girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.

Texas girls always say:
1. "Yes Maam."
2. "Yessir."

Texas girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Yawl come back."
2. "Well, bless yer harrt."
3. "Drop by when ya can."
4. "How's yer mama?"
5. "Love yer hair."

Texas girls know their three R's:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest

Texas girls know everybody's first name:
1. Hunny
2. Darlin'
3. Shuger

Texas girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"

Texas girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T. = Girls Raised in Texas !

Now you run along, Shuger, and send this to ANY females aspiring to be GRITS--Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".

"Just because you move to Texas does not make you a Texan. After all, if a cat had kittens and moved them to the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."
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Old 02-02-2007, 09:21 AM   #100
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Canoe stream
...
"Just because you move to Texas does not make you a Texan. After all, if a cat had kittens and moved them to the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."
That is good!
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(Buffett RIP 9/15/08, Gus RIP 12/22/15)(Roger RIP 12/30/20, Penny RIP 6/14/21)

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'09 Dodge Cummins Ram 3500 Crew 4x4 auto
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