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Old 12-08-2008, 06:27 AM   #61
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I really love my mother-in-aw because?

She has so many hot flashes my fuel bill's been halved.
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Old 03-08-2009, 08:08 PM   #62
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I was downtown the other day when I saw six women beating my Mother-in-law up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knows me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?"
I replied, "No. Six of them ought to be enough".
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Old 06-24-2009, 01:09 PM   #63
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Just for something different, I took my mother-in-law to Saratoga for the horse races.

By God, she won!
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Old 08-24-2009, 07:12 PM   #64
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My Mother-in-law tried out for the Air Force.
And she'd have made it too,
...if her broom would've carried more bombs.
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Old 08-24-2009, 07:14 PM   #65
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When my Mother-in-law enters a room, she casts a spell on everyone who sees her.
...No, REALLY CASTS A SPELL!
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Old 08-27-2009, 06:00 PM   #66
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I realy love my mother in law becouse?
My wife went to her this summer on holyday for 4 weeks.
And becouse my mother in law cooks so badlt my wife lost 20 pound.
Man she looks hot again
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Old 08-27-2009, 06:27 PM   #67
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My mother-in-law works at the Corn Curls factory.
They come out of the machine straight, then she looks at them.
Voila!
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Old 09-07-2009, 07:36 PM   #68
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I was working under the car and asked my mother-in-law for a hex wrench.

It floated clean across the garage to my hand!
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Old 10-03-2009, 04:04 PM   #69
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Mil

I missed my mother in law....but i re loaded and fired again
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Old 10-03-2009, 04:59 PM   #70
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I bought a nice new shotgun for my Mother-In-Law...

...But she went and died of natural causes before I ever got a chance to use it.
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Old 02-09-2010, 04:27 PM   #71
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My Mother-In-Law reminds me of a dessert. ...a lard & beer float.
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Old 02-09-2010, 04:52 PM   #72
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....because she inspired Ernie K Doe and this song:

The worst person I know
(Mother-in law, mother-in law)
(Mother-in law, mother-in law)
A she worries me, so
If she'd leave us alone
A we would have a happy home
Sent from down below

Mother in Law Mother in Law

Satan should be her name
To me they're bout the same
Every time I open my mouth
She steps in, tries to put me out
How could she stoop so low

[Instrumental Interlude]

I come home with my pay
She asks me what I made
She thinks her advice is the constitution
But if she would leave that would be the solution
And don't come back no more

Mother in law
My......mother in law, ah
Oh yeah
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Old 02-10-2010, 04:31 AM   #73
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Q. How do you keep your Mother-In-Law from drowning in your pool?

A. Take your foot off her head.
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Old 02-10-2010, 11:07 PM   #74
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A woman is married to this perputual drunkard and her tolerance of her husband's behaivor has exceeded her tolerance level. She ask her mother to come help her change her husband's habit. The mother in law says, "We'll wait for him in the cemetery that he uses as a short cut on the way home from the bar. It will be real late at night and with him being drunk, I got an idea that will scare the crap out of him and make him want to stay at home from then on!"

With that the wife and her mother head out to the cemetery at around 3 am and hide behind a tombstone. A little while latter here come the husband all tanked up and staggering towards home. As he approaches closer the mother in law jumps out with a devil suit on and yells, Whoo hoo! I'm the devil and I'm draggin' you to hell!" The man replies, "Whatever, I ain't scared of you".

"How come your not scared of me?", asks the "devil".

To which the man replies, "Because I have had your sister as my mother in law for the past 23 years!"
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Old 02-10-2010, 11:09 PM   #75
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My mother in law is so FAT, when she sits around the house, she sits A R O U N D the house!-- Johnny Dangerfield
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Old 02-12-2010, 01:42 PM   #76
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I took my Mother-In-Law muskie fishing on the ice.
She caught 5 good ones before she became so waterlogged I had to cut her loose.
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:42 PM   #77
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I got a new car for my mother in law. I think it was a great trade...
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:44 PM   #78
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My mother in law is so fat, she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:46 PM   #79
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Happiness is seeing your mother in law on a milk carton.
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Old 02-14-2010, 08:29 AM   #80
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How do you know when the battleaxe is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "My son-in-law once told me..."
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