Honey, you drive. My wife can drive!

[alberta paso]

Originally Posted by Rovin Raven

Folks, can we drop the condescending comments bragging that you LET or TAUGHT your wife to drive. Have you noticed who is driving most school buses? Or the women towing horse trailers, or driving city buses or semis? There is no innate gender advantage to driving and backing up. I understand personal preferences or weaknesses, but gender isn’t the determining factor for driving.

It is very annoying (and sad) when old dinosaurs think we are innately inept at something because of our gender. This summer, tired after a very long drive, I pulled into a campground owned by two brothers. As I paid for the site, one told me the need for a pressure regulator on the hose, and I said, “Yeah, I will buy that one you have on the shelf because I have been meaning to get one.” (lost my other one) The other brother then said, “Don’t you want to first check with HIM to make sure he doesn’t already have one?” meaning my husband. I calmly told them it was my trailer and I know what I need, and he sarcastically answered, “ Oooo, so it’s YOUR trailer, is it?” Woah, if I hadn’t been so tired I would have found another campground. Business 101: treat your customers with respect. (Yes, I bought the trailer and I buy all the stuff I need for it.)

AMEN Sister I am a pround school bus driver for going on 15yrs. I can and have driven a 52 pass highway coach. I was the main driver for our old '78 class c that we bought from my folks and our mini van and tent trailer before that. My dad made me take him on a test drive to prove I could drive it I had been driving a 40ft school bus 2 years at that point. I hauled a 3 horse slant trailer (18ft long) behind that rv all over southern alberta most times me and a kid or 2 (dd was in 4H). I bought the truck I bought MY Argosy. My hubby is good at backing me up but is not nor has been comfortable with larger vehicles. I made dd my hitch/tow partner as most times it was the 2 of us headed to a rodeo. We could be hitched to the trailer and have the horse loaded and leaving in 10min and dd we only 12 when we started. She now drives and backs up farm equip on her partners family place and she is 22yrs old. Now if I could just get ds to get half decent I am set.

[Rovin Raven]

Originally Posted by Gene

I imagine to use that winch you would have to remove the tailgate. They're kind of heavy too.

By the way, I did teach my wife how to tow because she never had done it before and she wanted me to do it first so I could explain what I learned. Sort of like being taught on a farm or wherever when you have never done something before. I did some towing years before we bought a travel trailer, so I guess I was experienced. I'm sure my wife could back up if she wanted to, but I can't convince her it is easy (I'd be lying and I never lie to her). Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between preferences and gender prejudice.

She prefers me to drive in snowstorms because I am more experienced at it and I don't let the conditions bother me (I always take my laudanum and she won't take hers). Of course, she's lived in Colorado almost her whole life and driven through much snow, but I am older, so that makes me more experienced, I guess.

I also drive on roads with enormous drop offs because the heights bother me and if I am driving, I feel safer because I am in control (more laudanum please). Somehow heights don't bother her and I can't understand why because I know if you go close to edge, a monster will grab your leg and pull you over (I've never actually seen that, but I am sure it happens; he also lives in the shower drain, so never step on it). I don't like heights when men are driving either.

I am also the designated off road driver. I've tried to get her to try it, but she is too smart to do the work and lets me sweat it (with even more laudanum—I just get so hysterical). I'm waiting for dementia so I don't have to drive anymore. I guess then we can only go to pull through sites at CG's.

We try to share moat tasks in our lives, but sometimes one is better at something or prefers to do it. Preferences are frequently the product of childhood training and are often originally sexist, but those preferences can be hard to change. Barb loves to cook, but I can too. She is usually better at it and I'd be a fool not to accept her superiority at many meals. It started with her parents—her father can only make toast and never helps her mother cook anything, even with them in their 90's. Her mother takes over the kitchen, so who would dare to enter and cook? She perpetuates it and doesn't understand she is part of it. Habits that started with sexism are hard to change even if they are outdated.

I sure wish I could get my wife to change oil and grease the vehicles. I told her it would make her younger, but she didn't believe me. I expect it will take many decades to remove sexism from society.

I agree childhood upbringing has a huge influence. Luckily millennials are doing a pretty good job of avoiding the division of “women’s work” and “men’s work” , but it will probably take a couple more generations. I also sense a lot of regional difference of attitudes towards women. I live in the south now and women are very different from the north, where I grew up. My friend explained it as the north was traditionally small farms where everyone did any work and the south has a tradition of plantations, with clear roles. I also have always been puzzled by women who see a wall between them and some things they want or know they should do (why don’t they just do it?), because I was not raised with a father, so everything was women’s work, or rather, just work that needed to be done. In addition my grandfather who owned a dairy farm near us had no grandsons and I was the oldest grandchild, so I was just told to help (milk, stack the hay bails, bring in the cows, climb a ladder and pick the fruit in the orchard, drive a tractor.) There was no question, and I couldn’t say, “I don’t have to because I’m a girl”. Luckily I married a man who isn't interested in coddling me. He is a also a much better cook than me and enjoys it much more than I do.

[Gene]

I don’t have a few more generations, so I won’t see how the man/woman thing sorts out. There are many people who do not want any change and prefer the 19th century, though if they had lived in it, they wouldn’t like it. Too bad history does not seem to be taught much anymore.

We just try to get the work and play done. Sometimes one of us in charge, sometimes the other, more likely no one. On short trailer trips, I usually drive. We have a road that descends half a mile in less than 8 miles after a steep driveway. Barb is glad to have me drove down or up the side of a mountain. For my part, the curvy, steep road means nothing and when she is driving the motor vehicles alone, it means nothing to her either, but towing is different. She is glad to have me do the work. Thus we start and end every trip with me driving—seems like simple division of labor without any other reason. I also am better at maneuvering into tight spots—I have better vision and can see the relationships between objects better (spatial relations). Because I can visualize like that, I am also the primary designer of our house remodels. That is often “women’s work” and Barb took a while to acknowledge I was a better designer. However, she is much better at seeing color relationships, so she makes the final decisions about paint colors. We discuss and sometimes argue, but we always come to a joint decision. Sometimes one of us is worn out by it and gives in, but you have to accept your decisions and move on.

Over the years we have learned what each does better and who wants to be boss about something. When we first got together, it was automatic I drove. We never gave it any thought, but on one road trip my back hurt so much driving, we changed and she drove much more. I found out I liked being a slug in the passenger seat. I sometimes drive more because of weather, traffic, challenging terrain or just because I feel like it. Sometimes Barb want to drive most of the day. We hope we are making such decisions as friends, not based on sexual divides.

If my wife had been born a generation later when girls were encouraged to be involved in athletics, she would have been a good long distance runner—she has that type of body. Of course, she would have had her knee surgery a long time ago rather than last month. Maybe she would have gone on to medical school instead of excelling at lab work, a more traditional “woman’s job”. Maybe I would have been a decorator, the only straight male one.

No one here is a better cook. We cook differently. Barb likes it more than me. So far we drive differently but don’t hit anything. I think Barb likes driving more than me (although if I had a sports car, maybe things would change—can you do a four wheel drift with an SUV?). Making decisions on who is in charge for the moment should be based on who wants to do it and who is better at it and we try to follow that, though probably have some learning yet to learn.

Whether a woman should tow should be based on skill and desire. Some women are scared of it and it is better they don’t drive. The fear was probably from being taught that they couldn’t do something like that when they were kids and while that can be changed, not everyone wants to change it. Skill can be learned—when we were learning how to RV, we were in the Mojave Desert on our first long trip about a month after we bought the Airstream. How convenient—empty well paved roads in the middle of nowhere. Barb said it was time for her to drive and then she did. She was the lucky one. I had to pull that trailer out of the dealer lot and drove through a city and into a campground with virtually no experience scared I was going to destroy our brand new expensive toy and maybe tear down a few street signs and flatten the electric pedestal.

Yes, Raven, the south is more “traditional.” Having also grown up in the north, the west is another experience. There were a lot of independent women in early western history, but later the culture of both the south and north came here and created something hard to pin down, a blend which is made even more complex by the effects of Spanish and Indian cultures which preceded the “American” one. We just try to do what works and after 33 years together, I guess it works.

[LRaymond]

Well,
Congrats to your wife. It took me probably 3000 miles before I was actually anxious to try driving. I thought, no problem, it's nothing but highway; but how wrong I was. I took over driving with all the confidence in the world, then the highway (2 lane) went to very narrow 2-lane through a few small towns with lots of lights and turns, etc.

Anyway, alls well that ends well. The only scary issue I had was driving too fast on the interstate going over a mountain pass trying to pass a truck. Needless to say, I woke up real quick when the suction and wind from the truck began to make my 30' classic jump around. Slowed down and pulled over. Caught my breath and continued on my way towards Salt Lake City.

Leanne