Riding Shotgun - Revisited

[safari57]

It has been an interesting year since I first brought up the issue of riding shotgun after 35+ years of being the primary driver (and tow-er) of our vehicles. I have learned a number of key lessons I wanted to share with the group, and please feel free to add your own to the list as I'm sure there are quite a few more that I have yet to learn. If I can avoid even one more mistake it would be a very good thing. With over 38 years of marriage under my belt I'd like to stay that way....

• Riding Shotgun can be scary when your wife figures out that her carrying a shot gun may be the only way to keep you quiet during the ride.
• Gasping and grabbing the dash is actually worse than shouting slow down or look out.
• As the driver's confidence increases, taking their (her) hand(s) off the steering wheel to throttle the passenger, instead of the vehicle, becomes far more of a risk. Did you know it can take several days for finger bruises to disappear completely from your neck? Campground sign-in folks know the syndrome well. I think it's called "You earned it mister" syndrome.
• As suggested previously by another forums member who may want to remain anonymous, getting locked in the trailer is a real and viable potential. I took this as a great suggestion, however, Miss gotta-be-totally-legal didn't like the idea. I know it's because all the campfire goodies are stashed back there and she knows I'd stuff myself silly the whole trip.
• When you have been told (generally more than a few times) to let her do the driving and then are asked for directions the proper response is to respond, and saying "oh sure, now you want me to talk" is NOT the correct answer. However, if you know you are coming up to a point where a turn or stop is required and it does not appear that the driver is aware of this, how you approach the subject is entirely up to you. I've learned that by putting both feet on the floor and pushing like I'm hard on the brakes provides that subtle suggestion that she might want to ask me if we have a turn or stop coming up.
• If you are on anticoagulants it is probably better to ride in the back seat, directly behind the driver. Much harder to be reached for aforementioned throttling, and you can catch the body language when it appears she may be looking for that shotgun or some other tool to keep you in line. It takes a LOT longer for blood to stop flowing when it's thinned out, and it sure makes a mess of the T-Shirt you are wearing. I know, everything eventually heals, but it's the downtime, and the messy T-shirt, that bothers me.
• Providing ongoing encouragement is a good thing. You can't expect her to drive exactly like you do and I've also learned that when she does drive exactly like I do it scares the bejabbers out of me even more than her driving her own way. Recognizing that was a big factor in our driving relationship.
• Falling asleep on the passenger side like she often has in the past is not allowed. It is considered unfair (?) and you might also be required to provide copilot services - you know, answering the "what's that noise?", "does it look to you like we are coming into rain ahead", and "is the intersection we just blasted through where we were supposed to turn?" questions.
• I have yet to learn the proper technique for duct tape removal. In particular the glue gets stuck in my mustache which is bothersome. I also find that having my hands taped behind my back for long periods of time causes my shoulders to get sore - does anyone have suggestions on these areas? My wife seems to think that a quick rip off of the tape eases the pain but no matter what, it still brings tears to my eyes and it's not just because I can fully breath again............
• I HAVE memorized the married man's most practical response to pretty much anything my wife says in response to anything I happened to have said on the trip and it is now my mantra. It is, or course, "Oh yeah, right, sorry!" Mind you, I think she's getting a tad tired of this so if anyone has any other sayings that will keep me out of trouble and appearing appropriately humble that would be helpful.

As I think of other things I'll add them, but your recommendations are greatly appreciated.

Barry

[moosetags]

Well put; a lesson for us all.

[BamCamper]

Great suggestions. Since I do all the driving I may use the duct tape idea for unsolicited "help"...luckily he doesn't have a mustache.

[Streamin 65]

(SNIP) "I HAVE memorized the married man's most practical response to pretty much anything my wife says in response to anything I happened to have said on the trip and it is now my mantra. It is, or course, "Oh yeah, right, sorry!" Mind you, I think she's getting a tad tired of this so if anyone has any other sayings that will keep me out of trouble and appearing appropriately humble that would be helpful."

I often use "Yes, dear. Whatever you'd like dear" it seems to work well. Thanks for sharing what it's like to have the wife drive. The rivettes got my wife thinking she should learn to drive (well, tow) and I will be showing her how soon. Think she'll enjoy it. Me on the other hand am looking for ideas to make it safe to ride in the trailer, it'd be much safer than in the truck!!!--dave

[overlander63]

Dipping your mustache brush or comb in mineral spirits or GooGone will help soften the glue remaining in your mustache.
I have found Valium and Zoloft to be extremely useful when riding shotgun, also from my recent stint in the "other seat".

[safari57]

Originally Posted by Streamin 65

I often use "Yes, dear. Whatever you'd like dear" it seems to work well. Thanks for sharing what it's like to have the wife drive. The rivettes got my wife thinking she should learn to drive (well, tow) and I will be showing her how soon. Think she'll enjoy it. Me on the other hand am looking for ideas to make it safe to ride in the trailer, it'd be much safer than in the truck!!!--dave

Dave, this new one is very helpful. I will have to write that down and hide it in my wallet. I can attest that riding in the trailer is a bit scary. Sudden turns will cause your beverage to tip and then wiping that mess up you are highly likely to spill the chips and maybe even the licorice or marshmallows. The cookies seem to be not too bad as you can use the 3 second rule and pop them in your mouth before they are considered "dirty". Thus you can tell your wife you were busy cleaning the trailer for her while she did the fun part of driving.

Terry, good ideas on glue removal. I could even use something that would provide a bit of a "lift" while I'm inhaling it. Very thoughtful of you.
As for your learning curve on the shot gun side of things I might suggest you start with a paper bag. You can draw a smiley face on it so whenever your wife looks over to you after you have offered some key bit of advice she can't help but laughing. It will work for at least the first ten or so minutes of the trip, enough time for you to provide a lot of guidance.

Barry

[Poprivet]

Never given bad directions - Does require potty stops

[safari57]

David

You might just be on to something. My problem, though, is that Donna is doing the driving now, thus I could be the one at home and she and her cat Smoky would be heading down the road with the Airstream in tow. I do however had some friends who might be willing to take your suggestion to heart.

Thanks,
Barry

[Goin camping]

Here's a couple of suggestions that might help you stay alive.

1, Anti anxiety pills. We both know your wife as wonderfull as she is will never drive as well as you. So take the pill lean back relax and quietly enjoy the ride.

2, Always look straight out the side window. What you don't see won't hurt or scare you.

3, Only give directions or advice when asked. This little tidbit will save your marriage and possibly your life.

4, Go take classes in meditation.

I truly feel your pain as my lovely wife not only drives like a maniac but is also a trap shooting champion.

[Poprivet]

Trap shooting? Has to do with comunications or guns?? I seem to remember my father, may he rest in peace, shouting something like "Zip your trap". Had nothing to do with guns.

[tin sista]

You know it never would hurt to have some nice chocolate/her favorite sweets on hand for her specially after the orange barrels or when the troopers are tailgating her, play Van Morrison's "Have I told you lately that I love you?" on the cd, agree with most everything she says but don't be too obvious, tell her you'd love to go shopping at the next outlet, say thanks honey for helping tow, it really makes the trip more fun when we work together as a team... Oh yeah and no whining!!

[safari57]

Meditation is good - it helps me immensely, particularly while I'm filling the gas tank and she's getting a cup of coffee, and not that we needed either excepting things were a tad "close" in the car..........oops.

Steph - If I told her I'd be glad to go shopping she'd be wheeling me into emergency. She knows from our wonderful 38 years of marriage that I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than go shopping with her. She'd be asking everyone we know what happened to her husband and who the heck am I?

The chocolates are a good thing. I can stuff my face and will be too busy snacking to make many comments on the activity that's going on all around the car as we careen down the highways and byways.

Barry

[BamCamper]

In addition to encouraging him to stuff his face *er* enjoy a snack while on the road, it also helps to let him be in charge of the radio/cd player.

It gives him something to do and is almost as good as letting him hold the remote...

[Goin camping]

Originally Posted by David Alan

Trap shooting? Has to do with comunications or guns?? I seem to remember my father, may he rest in peace, shouting something like "Zip your trap". Had nothing to do with guns.

Her kind of trap shooting involves a 12gauge and a moving target.

[Janet H]

Originally Posted by safari57

The chocolates are a good thing. I can stuff my face and will be too busy snacking to make many comments on the activity that's going on all around the car as we careen down the highways and byways.

Barry

May I recommend caramels? Really sticky ones. And offer to share.

Maybe next year get a chauffeur to drive the both of you?

Those "yes dear, anything you say dear, of course you're right dear" comments just fry my grits! * Maybe try neatly changing the topic instead?

*note to Janet's Husband: I was speaking hypothetically of course

[safari57]

Originally Posted by Janet

May I recommend caramels? Really sticky ones. And offer to share.

Maybe next year get a chauffeur to drive the both of you?

Those "yes dear, anything you say dear, of course you're right dear" comments just fry my grits! * Maybe try neatly changing the topic instead?

*note to Janet's Husband: I was speaking hypothetically of course

You mean, "oh, right, yes, sorry" won't work in this situation either? Dang! I knew I had a tough audience with this crowd. I suspect neatly changing the subject would also include removing my hands from the dash, pulling my feet back from being firmly and pushed hard onto the floorboards, and gasping loudly (but I feel discreetly).

Barry

[safari57]

Originally Posted by BamCamper

In addition to encouraging him to stuff his face *er* enjoy a snack while on the road, it also helps to let him be in charge of the radio/cd player.

It gives him something to do and is almost as good as letting him hold the remote...

Right now I'm working with the CB. I was given permission for the CD until I started playing all those songs about cars going off of roads, last kiss types of songs. She took the remote CD control away and JUST after I'd discovered that my friends were going to make me a CD on safe trailer towing tips for my wife to enjoy while driving. You know, subtle subliminal types of things like "don't get too close to those cars in front" and "remember that with the added weight of a trailer on back your stopping distances have increased dramatically" - nothing too heavy but just something I could put on and play in repetitive mode for the duration of the trip, interspersed with my own "instructional" background detail on the comments off the CD. We had it all sorted out, the areas we thought were of key interest and then wham, there goes the CD remote onto HER (the drivers) side of the car. I have a very strong suspicion that their wives learned of this and have plotted and conspired against us guys. Man, what's a guy to do........

Barry

[ROBERTSUNRUS]

Hi, when together, I do almost all of the driving; And while towing, I do all the driving. My wife's job is to keep me intertained, give directions, and snacks. I always carry my first aid kit in the glove box [No-Doz] and when my wife thinks it's time, she will get me a drink and a stay awake pill. Usually I'm not really tired, but road bored. And I start getting heavy eyes. One time we were driving on winding mountain highway, my eyes were getting heavy, and my wife asked to drive. [1978 Jeep CJ-5] I let her drive because I didn't think I could drive much further. Only after a short distance, my wife took a turn too fast. OK give me the wheel back and for several hundred miles until we got home, without my first aid kit, [No-Doz] my eyes were open like the size of silver dollars. She scared me awake; On purpose or not, I will never know.

[safari57]

Just to give you an idea of the driving conditions under which Donna was undertaking her towing "re-learning/refresher" here is a picture. I think my nervousness will perhaps be understood a bit more. Oh yes, by all accounts she did an excellent job. Especially considering that at this moment in time our trailer is the largest of the group with most towing small Boler/Scamp sized trailers and a few with larger 17' versions of those trailers, so she was pulling 21' versus their 14' to 17' rigs.

I guess, all in all, we both have settled into the routine now. She's cautious, I'm busy finding other things to think about on the passenger side . This is tough. I know lots more of the current male drivers will find themselves challenged with health issues in the future and will then have more than a casual dependency on their spouse or friend to take on the driving duties if they still wish to live the life they have had to date. The moral from my standpoint is make sure the other person in the vehicle is capable of driving your rig home if something happens, and as a passenger we are also capable of riding with some level of comfort as well. I admit, it's as much a blow to my long term dream of retiring and driving my hot rods around American, Airstream in tow, and my partner of forever at my side . I guess it will still happen, it's just that we will have reversed sides. (sigh). At least we will still be doing it. Now, I've got to get her to eat healthier so she stays capable and of course the only way to do that is if I eat all the bad stuff around the house .

Barry

[Towster]

Referencing the proper responses such as "I'm sorry" - don't ever say "I told you so".

I learned a much better response last summer when I mentioned numerous times that we should replace our 4 year old trailer tires before an upcoming trip and "he" felt that they had plenty of tread left.

We experienced tread separation only 2 hours from home. Thankfully, there was no permanent damage, but we spent several hours at a tire store doing what we should have prior to leaving. My new response is:

"I'm sorry dear, I should have been more insistent."

Virginia