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Jimandrod · 02-01-2006, 03:16 PM

I just finished posting to the MAC or PC poll. Right after I did that, I got the following in an e-mail from a friend of mine. I thought it was pretty funny so I thought I'd share it.

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

Silvertwinkie · 02-01-2006, 03:19 PM

Cute....here is another one....I think I've posted it before, but what the heck:

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
c:\>Let there be light!

Enter user id.

c:\>God

Enter password.

c:\>Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Omnipotent

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
c:\>Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:\>Create light

Done

c:\>Run heaven and earth

And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

c:\>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:\>Create firmament

Done.

c:\>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

c:\>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one
place and let the dry land appear and

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

c:\>Create dry_land

Done.

c:\>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4

c:\>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the
night.

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create sun_moon_stars

Done

c:\>Run sun_moon_stars

And God separated the light from the darkness. The sun ruled over the
day and the moon and stars ruled over the night.

And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

c:\>Create fish

Done

c:\>Create fowl

Done

c:\>Run fish, fowl

And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged
fowl after its kind.

And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

c:\>Create cattle

Done

c:\>Create creepy_things

Done

c:\>Now let us make man in our image
Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create man

Done

c:\>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it
and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl
of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the
earth

Too many command operands. Try again.

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 6 errors..

c:\>Insert breath

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 5 errors.

c:\>Move man to Garden of Eden

File Garden of Eden does not exist.
c:\>Create Garden.edn

Done

c:\>Move man to Garden.edn

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 4 errors.

c:\>Copy woman from man

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 2 errors.

c:\>Create desire

Done

c:\>Run multiplication

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:\>Create freewill

Done

c:\>Run freewill

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:\>Undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
c:\>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:\>Help

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:\>Create tree_of_knowledge

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:\>Create good, evil

Done

c:\>Activate evil

And God saw he had created shame.

Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in
Garden.edn. 1 errors.

c:\>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
Search failed.

c:\>Delete shame

Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
c:\>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:\>Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again
c:\>Break

c:\>Break

c:\>Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER
GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE
MINUTES.

PLEASE LOG OFF.

c:\>Create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
files before new ones can be created.

c:\>Destroy earth

Destroy earth: Please confirm.

c:\>Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY,
MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
On March 8, God created the Macintosh.

Remember: Friends don't let friends do DOS