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-   -   Honey, you drive. My wife can drive! (http://www.airforums.com/forums/f42/honey-you-drive-my-wife-can-drive-199414.html)

Gene 08-18-2019 12:34 PM

My wife has been towing for a dozen years. For many years before that we split the driving after I realized sometimes driving hurt my back more and why shouldn’t I get a rest too? I used to like driving, but now not so much. She still likes driving, so good. She prefers me to drive through heavy traffic, construction, or nasty roads, but she does fine when she does. I can see signs further away in urban areas and see better at night, so I am a better spotter for turns and for dark nights plus I learned to drive in NYC so traffic means nothing to me, but I like being a relaxing passenger too.

Getting her to back up a trailer has been impossible though. She says if I can’t do it, she’ll ask someone to help. What if no one is around? What if they screw it up? But if I can’t back up, I’ll probably be in a coma or worse, so not my problem. I hope she can make it to the service.

We share the set up and break down duties so we can each do everything, but she has not learned the new hitch yet. She was fine with the Equalizer, but not the new one. And I don’t know if she could lift the hitch head to attach it to the receiver. I leave it on as often as I can, but sometimes that’s not practical. I’m not sure how much longer I can lift it—I have always figured the weight of the hitch head is what will end our trailer years.

RosenBob 08-18-2019 12:34 PM

My wife drives. We trade off. I do most of it but she is really good when she takes over. She hasn't backed it up yet. That is yet to come. :)

rmkrum 08-18-2019 12:49 PM

Harbor Freight makes a small winch that mounts in the bed of a pickup truck and swivels to reach the hitch area. If I get where I can’t pick up my ProPride stinger I’ll get a winch...

Rovin Raven 08-18-2019 12:53 PM

Folks, can we drop the condescending comments bragging that you LET or TAUGHT your wife to drive. Have you noticed who is driving most school buses? Or the women towing horse trailers, or driving city buses or semis? There is no innate gender advantage to driving and backing up. I understand personal preferences or weaknesses, but gender isn’t the determining factor for driving.

It is very annoying (and sad) when old dinosaurs think we are innately inept at something because of our gender. This summer, tired after a very long drive, I pulled into a campground owned by two brothers. As I paid for the site, one told me the need for a pressure regulator on the hose, and I said, “Yeah, I will buy that one you have on the shelf because I have been meaning to get one.” (lost my other one) The other brother then said, “Don’t you want to first check with HIM to make sure he doesn’t already have one?” meaning my husband. I calmly told them it was my trailer and I know what I need, and he sarcastically answered, “ Oooo, so it’s YOUR trailer, is it?” Woah, if I hadn’t been so tired I would have found another campground. Business 101: treat your customers with respect. (Yes, I bought the trailer and I buy all the stuff I need for it.)

Msherw 08-18-2019 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demijac (Post 2276428)
What's the big deal? It's both our jobs to drive when needed: at the very least, for safety reasons. Now if I could only learn to back up the trailer like my wife.

My wife grew up on a farm driving all manner of heavy equipment. When the chips are down, I get out, get behind the rig and give directions w/o getting my feelings hurt at all.

We are driving team. And yes, when we are on the road, she and I share the load. We stay awake and help each other stay safe.

ktcosmos 08-18-2019 02:33 PM

When navigator is the driver
 
I bought my camper knowing my husband wasn’t that interested in going along on outings with me. Therefore I am responsible for my towing, maintenance, etc. I get by, I guess you’d say.

When we travel without the trailer, he automatically drives and I automatically navigate.

He’s both uncomfortable with towing and using most apps, including google maps. He also has macular degeneration so screens are a challenge.

One thing that’s stopped me from going on some longish solo trips is that lack of a navigator. It’s fine to set your destination and go but if you want to wander around a bit, I’m less comfortable doing that when towing than when just driving a vehicle.

Gene 08-18-2019 05:33 PM

I imagine to use that winch you would have to remove the tailgate. They're kind of heavy too.

By the way, I did teach my wife how to tow because she never had done it before and she wanted me to do it first so I could explain what I learned. Sort of like being taught on a farm or wherever when you have never done something before. I did some towing years before we bought a travel trailer, so I guess I was experienced. I'm sure my wife could back up if she wanted to, but I can't convince her it is easy (I'd be lying and I never lie to her). Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between preferences and gender prejudice.

She prefers me to drive in snowstorms because I am more experienced at it and I don't let the conditions bother me (I always take my laudanum and she won't take hers). Of course, she's lived in Colorado almost her whole life and driven through much snow, but I am older, so that makes me more experienced, I guess.

I also drive on roads with enormous drop offs because the heights bother me and if I am driving, I feel safer because I am in control (more laudanum please). Somehow heights don't bother her and I can't understand why because I know if you go close to edge, a monster will grab your leg and pull you over (I've never actually seen that, but I am sure it happens; he also lives in the shower drain, so never step on it). I don't like heights when men are driving either.

I am also the designated off road driver. I've tried to get her to try it, but she is too smart to do the work and lets me sweat it (with even more laudanum—I just get so hysterical). I'm waiting for dementia so I don't have to drive anymore. I guess then we can only go to pull through sites at CG's.

We try to share moat tasks in our lives, but sometimes one is better at something or prefers to do it. Preferences are frequently the product of childhood training and are often originally sexist, but those preferences can be hard to change. Barb loves to cook, but I can too. She is usually better at it and I'd be a fool not to accept her superiority at many meals. It started with her parents—her father can only make toast and never helps her mother cook anything, even with them in their 90's. Her mother takes over the kitchen, so who would dare to enter and cook? She perpetuates it and doesn't understand she is part of it. Habits that started with sexism are hard to change even if they are outdated.

I sure wish I could get my wife to change oil and grease the vehicles. I told her it would make her younger, but she didn't believe me. I expect it will take many decades to remove sexism from society.

Foiled Again 08-18-2019 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crispyboy (Post 2276342)
I have tried everything I know from being Mr. Nice (encouraging) to also being Mr. Mean (important that she can do this) and cannot get my wife to drive. I have full confidence in her ability but some reason will not drive. We have good solid tow vehicle, hitch and trailer. She does know how to hitch the Hensley Arrow and is great at giving directions for backing into a campsite without a word spoken just friendly hand signals. Maybe some day....

A. Division of labor. Be honest, partners or master/servant relationship? And I admit some couples seem to thrive on the latter... and sometimes the man is not the lead dog. But IF there is tension and resentment, the passive-aggressive resistance will be formidable.

B. ASK why not.... then LISTEN.
C. Do not sell, argue, wheedle, LISTEN.
D. Repeat back what she says to verify that you heard HER.
E. Think about what she said.
F. In 2-3 days suggest a truck driving school.
G. In the end accept her decision... and find a.way to rally with Maggie.

LeviGergen 08-19-2019 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CWSWine (Post 2276299)
. . . she can back into a spot without pulling forward even once.

That’s my goal! We picked up our new 25’ Serenity last Saturday and hit the road on Sunday for a four day shakedown cruise. I did all the driving, but it took me a couple of tries to get it backed into the site just right. Hubby gets to drive the next trip — at least part of it. ;)

farafield 08-19-2019 12:43 PM

I leaned to drive a stick shift when I was 11. I got my pilots license when I was 19. I have horses and I haul them around. I drive a tractor and change implements between brush hog/bucket loader/arena drag without swearing and crying anymore. I can pee or poop in the woods. I've hell-skied cat-skied water skied. I can hit a clay pigeon 1 times out of ten :) I can cook/sew/knit. I don't clean very well but I clean up pretty good. I bought my AS two years ago and have been hard at work learning the systems. People have been very helpful and no one has batted an eyelash except a high school classmate at my 40th reunion who was from South America and it seemed to be a new concept that a woman would go off in an AS by herself. All of this stuff does not require strength, just a willingness to try and mileage. There is absolutely no reason a woman should be any less able to do any of it. I have and can do a lot of things that many men I know can't. I just get a bit tired of the male/female thing. Rant over and out.

Hittenstiehl 08-19-2019 01:23 PM

Farafield I like the "I don't clean very well but I clean up pretty good" :-)

turk123 08-19-2019 04:23 PM

1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by farafield (Post 2278888)
I leaned to drive a stick shift when I was 11. I got my pilots license when I was 19. I have horses and I haul them around. I drive a tractor and change implements between brush hog/bucket loader/arena drag without swearing and crying anymore. I can pee or poop in the woods. I've hell-skied cat-skied water skied. I can hit a clay pigeon 1 times out of ten :) I can cook/sew/knit. I don't clean very well but I clean up pretty good. I bought my AS two years ago and have been hard at work learning the systems. People have been very helpful and no one has batted an eyelash except a high school classmate at my 40th reunion who was from South America and it seemed to be a new concept that a woman would go off in an AS by herself. All of this stuff does not require strength, just a willingness to try and mileage. There is absolutely no reason a woman should be any less able to do any of it. I have and can do a lot of things that many men I know can't. I just get a bit tired of the male/female thing. Rant over and out.

Ya baby!

My wife's car:

alberta paso 08-19-2019 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rovin Raven (Post 2278447)
Folks, can we drop the condescending comments bragging that you LET or TAUGHT your wife to drive. Have you noticed who is driving most school buses? Or the women towing horse trailers, or driving city buses or semis? There is no innate gender advantage to driving and backing up. I understand personal preferences or weaknesses, but gender isn’t the determining factor for driving.

It is very annoying (and sad) when old dinosaurs think we are innately inept at something because of our gender. This summer, tired after a very long drive, I pulled into a campground owned by two brothers. As I paid for the site, one told me the need for a pressure regulator on the hose, and I said, “Yeah, I will buy that one you have on the shelf because I have been meaning to get one.” (lost my other one) The other brother then said, “Don’t you want to first check with HIM to make sure he doesn’t already have one?” meaning my husband. I calmly told them it was my trailer and I know what I need, and he sarcastically answered, “ Oooo, so it’s YOUR trailer, is it?” Woah, if I hadn’t been so tired I would have found another campground. Business 101: treat your customers with respect. (Yes, I bought the trailer and I buy all the stuff I need for it.)

AMEN Sister I am a pround school bus driver for going on 15yrs. I can and have driven a 52 pass highway coach. I was the main driver for our old '78 class c that we bought from my folks and our mini van and tent trailer before that. My dad made me take him on a test drive to prove I could drive it I had been driving a 40ft school bus 2 years at that point. I hauled a 3 horse slant trailer (18ft long) behind that rv all over southern alberta most times me and a kid or 2 (dd was in 4H). I bought the truck I bought MY Argosy. My hubby is good at backing me up but is not nor has been comfortable with larger vehicles. I made dd my hitch/tow partner as most times it was the 2 of us headed to a rodeo. We could be hitched to the trailer and have the horse loaded and leaving in 10min and dd we only 12 when we started. She now drives and backs up farm equip on her partners family place and she is 22yrs old. Now if I could just get ds to get half decent I am set.

Rovin Raven 08-20-2019 05:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gene (Post 2278586)
I imagine to use that winch you would have to remove the tailgate. They're kind of heavy too.

By the way, I did teach my wife how to tow because she never had done it before and she wanted me to do it first so I could explain what I learned. Sort of like being taught on a farm or wherever when you have never done something before. I did some towing years before we bought a travel trailer, so I guess I was experienced. I'm sure my wife could back up if she wanted to, but I can't convince her it is easy (I'd be lying and I never lie to her). Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between preferences and gender prejudice.

She prefers me to drive in snowstorms because I am more experienced at it and I don't let the conditions bother me (I always take my laudanum and she won't take hers). Of course, she's lived in Colorado almost her whole life and driven through much snow, but I am older, so that makes me more experienced, I guess.

I also drive on roads with enormous drop offs because the heights bother me and if I am driving, I feel safer because I am in control (more laudanum please). Somehow heights don't bother her and I can't understand why because I know if you go close to edge, a monster will grab your leg and pull you over (I've never actually seen that, but I am sure it happens; he also lives in the shower drain, so never step on it). I don't like heights when men are driving either.

I am also the designated off road driver. I've tried to get her to try it, but she is too smart to do the work and lets me sweat it (with even more laudanum—I just get so hysterical). I'm waiting for dementia so I don't have to drive anymore. I guess then we can only go to pull through sites at CG's.

We try to share moat tasks in our lives, but sometimes one is better at something or prefers to do it. Preferences are frequently the product of childhood training and are often originally sexist, but those preferences can be hard to change. Barb loves to cook, but I can too. She is usually better at it and I'd be a fool not to accept her superiority at many meals. It started with her parents—her father can only make toast and never helps her mother cook anything, even with them in their 90's. Her mother takes over the kitchen, so who would dare to enter and cook? She perpetuates it and doesn't understand she is part of it. Habits that started with sexism are hard to change even if they are outdated.

I sure wish I could get my wife to change oil and grease the vehicles. I told her it would make her younger, but she didn't believe me. I expect it will take many decades to remove sexism from society.

I agree childhood upbringing has a huge influence. Luckily millennials are doing a pretty good job of avoiding the division of “women’s work” and “men’s work” , but it will probably take a couple more generations. I also sense a lot of regional difference of attitudes towards women. I live in the south now and women are very different from the north, where I grew up. My friend explained it as the north was traditionally small farms where everyone did any work and the south has a tradition of plantations, with clear roles. I also have always been puzzled by women who see a wall between them and some things they want or know they should do (why don’t they just do it?), because I was not raised with a father, so everything was women’s work, or rather, just work that needed to be done. In addition my grandfather who owned a dairy farm near us had no grandsons and I was the oldest grandchild, so I was just told to help (milk, stack the hay bails, bring in the cows, climb a ladder and pick the fruit in the orchard, drive a tractor.) There was no question, and I couldn’t say, “I don’t have to because I’m a girl”. Luckily I married a man who isn't interested in coddling me. He is a also a much better cook than me and enjoys it much more than I do.


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