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Old 05-13-2012, 08:47 PM   #29
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A or H, matter of preference really. But what you may want to consider is a delivery system. I recommend one of the ever popular Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAV). Could easily be mounted on top of the Airstream and launched from the cab of the Tundra with the push of a button. Then you have your own personal air support following you down the road and circling the campgrounds at night. You just never know what danger lurks around the next corner, right? I mean we saw raccoons one night that seemed to be as big as a small black bear. I would have launched if I had had the button! Scary times out there in the woods!
You will need to check laws in the individual states, and other countries that you may be traveling in, because I am sure they all differ in regard to Nuclear devices of mass destruction. I think that here in TX you just need to have a sticker on the window stating Nuclear Device On Board or something. I never actually looked it up though because I was quickly overruled and we went for the kitchen remodel instead. But I must admit, I am growing fonder of the marble countertops. It's just that....well...
We did the kitchen remodel about 8 years ago with granite counter tops, and only bought the moho about 3 years ago, so the kitchen upgrade was paid off. Using a nucular [sic] device is so...imprecise that we adopted the UAV approach. Also, the moho doesn't have that much storags space and I thought that towing something behind my toad would attract too much attention. It is much subtler to have the UAV tracking us while we are driving and then circle when we are docked somewhere. If there is a situation...well, there's an app for that, call in the UAV with my choice of 50 cal with tracer or something noisier. Often, a line of tracer rounds will quiet down the noisy neighbors if they are too raucous around their night time fire that they didn't invite us to join.

We are also not too worried about issues in traffic: any road rage doesn't get repeated...just disappears!

We've programmed the targeting to avoid shiny aluminum units automatically, and so far that has worked at 100%. (Top of moho says "NOT HERE" in big letters.)

(Thanks for the best chat in months!)
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:11 PM   #30
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We did the kitchen remodel about 8 years ago with granite counter tops, and only bought the moho about 3 years ago, so the kitchen upgrade was paid off. Using a nucular [sic] device is so...imprecise that we adopted the UAV approach. Also, the moho doesn't have that much storags space and I thought that towing something behind my toad would attract too much attention. It is much subtler to have the UAV tracking us while we are driving and then circle when we are docked somewhere. If there is a situation...well, there's an app for that, call in the UAV with my choice of 50 cal with tracer or something noisier. Often, a line of tracer rounds will quiet down the noisy neighbors if they are too raucous around their night time fire that they didn't invite us to join.

We are also not too worried about issues in traffic: any road rage doesn't get repeated...just disappears!

We've programmed the targeting to avoid shiny aluminum units automatically, and so far that has worked at 100%. (Top of moho says "NOT HERE" in big letters.)

(Thanks for the best chat in months!)
I happen to think your advanced weapon system is really amazing. Truly innovative and it makes me happy to be pulling a shiny aluminum thing so I don't get randomly blown up as well.
That being said, I'm not claiming to be a purist or anything, but I'm for sure going vintage (as richinny mentioned) so an A-bomb is perfect (although I would have gone for the H-bomb just to make a point to my neighbors).
It may be a personal thing, but I like keeping people on their toes and/or living in constant fear of massive Armageddon, so the earlier cold war nukes that were just plain huge seem to have such a "classic" or, dare I say it, "vintage" feel. Honestly, what's more vintage than detonating a gigantic nuclear bomb in a remote location just to see what will happen!!! That experience has boondocking written all over it!! Anyway, I'm just glad the half life takes a while, we can enjoy vintage nukes for some time to come!
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:16 PM   #31
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Do you have a name yet? Ivy Mike, taken. Aluminum Mike, male. Aluminum Ivy? Ivy Michelle? Ivy Marilyn? (to go with a previous suggestion.
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Old 05-14-2012, 04:22 PM   #32
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One of the big problems with this proposal has been...resources. The dilithium Robert suggested is not available at Fisher Scientific, maybe at thinkgeek, but today I found a source for Eric's approach: Kodak had nuke weapons capability - Don't stick your bum on our photocopiers | TechEye Time to hot-foot it (pun intended) to Rochester.
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Old 06-15-2012, 10:51 PM   #33
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UPDATE! Nuke arrived today!

Well today was the day the nuke arrived. Such is life that the part you thought would be the most difficult (ordering a working, intact cold war era10 kiloton A-bomb) ended up being the easiest. Amazon redirected me to their Russian site where the entire site had been translated via google translate.

On a side note; Amazon Russia only actually offers two things; Nuclear Weapons and wives. I know what you’re thinking “What about the vodka?”. Well from what I cane tell the wives come with vodka, plenty of it…. kinda a package deal I guess. Anyway.

A couple clicks and I had the device in my cart and had filled out the online form they require to ship it internationally. A couple more clicks and I had used my Paypal to secure my new neighborhood deterrent device.

This is where things went sidways. The shipping department really screwed up and got the tracking numbers all wrong. So I ended up waiting three extra weeks for my A-bomb. UGGGGGHHHH!

This mistake has lead to a super embarrassing few weeks at the neighborhood pool,. I really shouldn’t have run my mouth so much about how my 10 kiloton bomb was showing up on a certain date. I was kinda the laughing stock there for a while….but the first thing I did when it arrived today was to lug it down to the pool and just sit there with it, watching, staring, smiling eerily….. NO ONE is laughing now.

I really wanted to get a good look at her before giving her a name, but I took one look and I knew the name Naomi would work. She’s named after Naomi Watts, which I receive an eye roll for from the wife each time I speak to the weapon.

It’s been a good day all and all, but even as I type my wife is insisting that I take Naomi out of the bedroom; I may have to stick to my guns on this one…

More to come.
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Old 06-15-2012, 11:43 PM   #34
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I prefer the F-Bomb (fart bomb) ie. (agonizing cry of an imprisoned turd bomb) It has many benefits:

1. Any member of the family can use it, without instructions

2. You can use many different types of fuel to create it.

3. It's potency and destructive power is also variable based on the fuel
source used.

4. It is portable and can be used wearing a speedo, jeans or snow pants,
with no one knowing you have it armed and ready.

5. Also wearing different thickness of clothing can prolong the exposure,
letting you walk by as many victims as possible leaving a wake of
destruction behind you ie. (the fog)

6. It's kill radius is adjustable based on the power and length of the
explosion. You can take out the whole neighborhood and just the people
next to you. Or even be set to stun, for pesky family members who
won't shut up. (not talking about the wife, well maybe)

7. You have the opportunity to drop it and run, thus surviving to use it
another day.

8. It can be set in silence mode, just load enough for people around you to
hear it going off, or sound barrier breaking loud. I prefer the last, then
everyone knows death is emanate.

9. The only modification to the AS is more storage area for fuel, cans add extra weight though.

10. There can be one drawback: some fuels my leave debris in your clothing
causing you embarrassment in the chance there may be any survivors.
(which is highly unlikely.)

11. I all most forgot, you can take it to bed with you and the wife is non the wiser.
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Old 06-17-2012, 03:02 PM   #35
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Thermonuclear devices are so yesterday.

We have installed a molecular disrupter in our Tundra and have portable ones for the Safari. They are quiet and can be aimed unlike an A or H bomb. When we get to the Canadian border, if they object, zap!and the border station is gone. No mess to clean up. Particle beam weapons are groovy.

We have ordered the disrupter amplifier attachment from Amazon North Korea and that should increase our range to several hundred miles, enough to take out a death star. The only problem is it comes with 4 dozen starving North Koreans. Maybe I can set up a iPhone factory with them as the workers.

Gene
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Old 06-17-2012, 04:00 PM   #36
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Thermonuclear devices are so yesterday.

We have installed a molecular disrupter in our Tundra and have portable ones for the Safari. They are quiet and can be aimed unlike an A or H bomb. When we get to the Canadian border, if they object, zap!and the border station is gone. No mess to clean up. Particle beam weapons are groovy.

We have ordered the disrupter amplifier attachment from Amazon North Korea and that should increase our range to several hundred miles, enough to take out a death star. The only problem is it comes with 4 dozen starving North Koreans. Maybe I can set up a iPhone factory with them as the workers.

Gene
It's true they are "so yesterday", it's to match my vintage airstream

After seeing the last North Korean missile test I would cancel all orders from them.
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Old 06-17-2012, 05:19 PM   #37
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Stick to your guns Eric. I'm glad the Paypal transaction went smoothly. Those people at the pool will know you're nobody to mess with now. I don't know how I've missed this thread. It's right up my alley.

I too would like thermonuclear capabilities and/or a Russian woman at my disposal. Have you ever heard George Bush say the word "nuclear"? He can't get it quite right.

A shoeless Russian woman who can speak no english but could make mixed drinks using cheap Russian vodka would be an excellent travelling companion.

You'd have to watch your weight distribution though, as the device could wreak havoc on a cheap hitch system. Keep the weight evenly distributed over the wheels.

Make sure you have the device inspected by someone who knows about Russian manufacturing techniques. I don't like the looks of this Putin guy. It seems like quality control is not big on his to do list. Maybe you need to detonate this one to ensure it has the capabilities you want and need. You can always get another one. Show it to the guys on Myth Busters. Maybe they can help.

Dan
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Old 06-17-2012, 05:56 PM   #38
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Ya'll know that every poster to this thread (including me) is now on the FBI terrorist watch list due to the number of "threat terms" that have been used here...hmmm makes ya wonder though don't it? :-)
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Old 06-18-2012, 10:19 AM   #39
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I am worried about the QC on the North Korean molecular disrupter amplifier, but they outbid the Iranians.

I'm not concerned about the terrorist list since I never fly (why be treated badly?), but next time we go to Canada, we may have to ask for asylum.

Gene
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Old 06-18-2012, 10:25 AM   #40
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. . . next time we go to Canada, we may have to ask for asylum.
You mean this isn't the asylum? Could'a fooled me. . .
.
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Old 06-18-2012, 10:36 AM   #41
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Let's Start a Pool

I think we should start a pool to see how long it take's the NSA's internet monitoring branch to locate this thread and contact Eric.

Or perhaps, Eric is really a sting set up by the NSA to find people willing to sell an A-bomb.

It is worthy of thought.

If a Russian bride shows up, be sure to check her ID and frisk her.

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Old 06-18-2012, 10:44 AM   #42
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Eric, I think you need to prepare some documents and a good disguise for a quick getaway. I've always liked Vancouver and Calgary.

Dan
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