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Old 06-30-2011, 01:27 AM   #1
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Newbie Tries to Deal with the 'Icky Stuff' ...

i.e. the first-time black-water pump out.

Maybe it's the term "black water" that is stirring the subliminal horror.
Last night I had a nightmare about "The Creature From the Black Lagoon"
with a bad case of diarrhea pounding on my door because he has to go potty.

I'm not exactly new to this kinda stuff - have had to deal with a septic tank for twenty years, but it spoiled me becuse the septic-tank man always came to pump it out. Matter of fact, I had a real crush on him so I looked forward to it. (see story below - penned while waiting for his annual arrival).

I guess I'll just have to get over it.

Patiently Waiting For My Hunk and His Honey-Dipper

I'm having trouble concentrating right now, never mind putting two sentences together, but I'll try. I've bathed, put on my new jeans and carefully applied my make-up because I'm waiting for "my hunk" and I'm all nervous and frazzled: The septic-tank man is coming to service my tank again.

So...how hot is he? Think of your most arousing momument to testosterone.... in orange overalls....tight orange overalls, that is. So what if he doesn't smell too good? I'm attracted to the literate, cultured types. I think his jingle is the epitomy of creativity: "We're #1 in the #2 business." He never refers to his business commodity with vulgarity either. With him, it is always effluent...or organic material. I love it when he talks about throwing a piece of raw liver into the tank to "stimulate its digestion." The way he says "liver"...it sets me all a quiver.

The only problem is this: Most septic tanks need servicing just once a year. He wasn't due until March, but I was getting desperate for my yearly titillation. When I phoned him yesteday he asked somewhat increduously, "You need me back already?" What was I to say? Telling him I was full of shite wouldn't be too romantic... so I lied.

"Well, I took in some boarders last fall and my tank was busier than usual."

"Okay" he says in that deep, velvety growl. "I'll be right over to pump your system."

I almost dropped the phone.

Now, I always thought some of that vernacular around the hangar was pretty erotic - that suck, blow and thrust of a jet engine etc. but that septic-tank talk is pretty good too.

The pipe used to carry the waste solids from the septic tank to the truck's tank is called the "honey dipper". The trucks which carry the removed materials away are euphemistically called "honey trucks". My hunk in the too-tight orange overalls sometimes refers to his "honey dipper" by its more common construction term too; the "Big-O."

If I had a phone in my hand....well, you know the rest.

But....I know this visit will be like the last.
He's never shown much interest in me. He's all business - takes his "profession" seriously. Like a doctor, it would be highly unethical to get involved with his "patients."

In other words, a real crappy situation.

Waiting, waiting.....*sigh*
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:07 AM   #2
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Who knows.....maybe you'll find a hunk in the campground that will be willing to dip your honey (tank that is!)
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Old 06-30-2011, 11:30 AM   #3
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becky, lol!

Oh, I'm not looking. Just thought y'all might like a laugh.
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Old 06-30-2011, 11:53 AM   #4
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"The only problem is this: Most septic tanks need servicing just once a year."

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yearly is way too much pumping, if the system is functioning right.
Camper every time out, which might be yearly for some.
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Old 06-30-2011, 12:14 PM   #5
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Dave, you mean Mr. GQ in orange overalls has been ripping-off a bevy of drooling women?

Well, this is one rip-off that I actually enjoyed.
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Old 06-30-2011, 01:05 PM   #6
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Fly at Night,
LOL!! your funny story really made me laugh out loud!
Keep on writing!
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Old 06-30-2011, 01:08 PM   #7
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A W Warn, glad you enjoyed it. I love to make people laugh.

Now that you've encouraged me, I'll post some more......(Oops. Did the moderators just shudder?)
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Old 07-01-2011, 10:49 AM   #8
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Peterbuilt

Now I know how those guys can afford a new chromed Peterbuilt every year!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fly at Night View Post
Dave, you mean Mr. GQ in orange overalls has been ripping-off a bevy of drooling women?

Well, this is one rip-off that I actually enjoyed.
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Old 07-03-2011, 04:32 PM   #9
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That was one funny story - I had a female friend who worked pit crew for a race team - guys used to have similar fantasies I'm sure...
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Old 07-11-2011, 09:04 AM   #10
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Now I know how those guys can afford a new chromed Peterbuilt every year!
Dave
Snicker, snicker...he said Peterbuilt! and a chrome one at that!
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