Welcome! AS Comedy Club

[Roscinante]

Ok, it is Friday. I have had a REALLY long, hard week. How about a few favorite jokes from my fellow Forum members to help me relax. Nothing good on TV and my Netflixs are "lost" somewhere in a stack of junk mail.

What tickles YOUR fancy?

Remember - we are moderated, so...keep it clean!

[codybear]

Originally Posted by Roscinante

Ok, it is Friday. I have had a REALLY long, hard week. How about a few favorite jokes from my fellow Forum members to help me relax. Nothing good on TV and my Netflixs are "lost" somewhere in a stack of junk mail.

What tickles YOUR fancy?

Remember - we are moderated, so...keep it clean!

Hi Roscinante,

Here's a quickie for you:

What do you get when you put a parrot and a centiped together?

[empresley]

Originally Posted by codybear

What do you get when you put a parrot and a centiped together?

*******************

Something in the motorola family;
a walkie-talkie

[codybear]

Originally Posted by empresley

*******************

Something in the motorola family;

a walkie-talkie

Whoohoo!!!

[Roscinante]

CodyBear...

LOVE your signature - "Stop and experience life." Our AS really does enable that.

Jerry

[moosetags]

God: Jim, you have been such a wolderful person, I have decised to grant you
a single wish.
Jim: I would like to see a bridge from California to Hawaii as I would really like
to drive to Honolulu.
God: Jim, that's really a lot to ask. Wouldn't you like to reconsider and ask for something more reasonable.
Jim: Lord, I would like to know what women really think.
God: How many lanes do you want on that bridge?

[codybear]

Originally Posted by Roscinante

CodyBear...

LOVE your signature - "Stop and experience life." Our AS really does enable that.

Jerry

Hi Jerry,

Thnx..are you going to the 29 Palms rally!..check out the rally forums, and sign up and join in the fun

[bake315]

A guy walks into a bar.... ...he says "OUCH!" It was a iron bar.

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

When you make your chili, use only 239 beans. If you use one more, it'll be 240!

Hey, did you hear the one about the photographer who locked himself in his darkroom? Yeah well, he ended up dying of exposure. It was not a pretty picture!

I'll be here all week, folks! G'nite!

[doorgunner]

hey while shopping the other day I saw the new Divorce Barbie-comes with all of Kens things!

[bake315]

Guy walks into a barber shop and asks, "how long before I can get a haircut?" Barber says, "'Bout two hours." Guy leaves. Comes back in the next day, asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" Barber says, "'Bout two and a half hours." Guy leaves again. Comes back yet again the next day, asks again, barber tells him "'bout three hours." Guy leaves, and Barber finally asks another customer to follow him and find out where he goes after he leaves, so he does. The other customer returns after a few minutes. "Well, where has he been going?" the Barber asks, to which the customer replies, "Your house."

[Fyrzowt]

A man sits down in the barber chair and the barber asks him how he wants his hair cut. The customer said, " real close on the left, medium on top and kinda long on the right side".
The barber said "I can't do that!"
The customer said "You did last time..."

[Chipster]

St. Peter, having to take a break from watching the Pearly Gates, asks Jesus to fill in until he returns. Jesus says that he has'nt done that before, but St. Peter say's that all one has to do when someone shows up is to ask them their name, what they did in life, if they had any children etc. Jesus says that He would give it a go.
An old man shows up, Jesus asks his name, The old man says that his name is Joseph.Jesus asks him what he did for his life's work, to which the old man said that he was a carpenter. Jesus then asks did you have any children and the old man says with a tear in his eye, yes, I had a son, but I lost him! He had holes in his hands and feet and I miss him so!! Jesus looks at the man and with a tear in his eye says,---Dad? The old man answers --Pinochio?

[CanoeStream]

Keep it going!

[Chuck]

Originally Posted by doorgunner

hey while shopping the other day I saw the new Divorce Barbie-comes with all of Kens things!

Ouch! you wrecked it. gotta tell it this way:

...new divorced barbie. comes with:

-Ken's house
-Ken's car
-Ken's boat
-Ken's RV....


Its more effective when you actually "itemize".

of course, now that I've dissected the joke, its not funny at all anymore

[vonkamp]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[azflycaster]

Originally Posted by chuck

Ouch! you wrecked it. gotta tell it this way:

...new divorced barbie. comes with:

-Ken's house
-Ken's car
-Ken's boat
-Ken's RV....


Its more effective when you actually "itemize".

of course, now that I've dissected the joke, its not funny at all anymore

You left out the montly payments.

[bake315]

Two elderly women are leaving bingo,and on their way home
the woman in the passenger seat noticed that the
her friend the driver had just run a red light.
She didnt think too much of it, and decided not to say anything.
As they drove on, she noticed that her friend had run yet another
red light.. She became rather perplexed, yet the women kept her thoughts to herself and resumed the ride. As the woman blew through still another red light she became really alarmed and said..

"Gladys why do you keep running all those red lights??"

to which Glady's responds,

"HOLY S***! AM I DRIVING?"

[Poor Royal]

Lol?

Guy searching for Jesus all of his life. A drunk bum on a corner hears him talking and says " your search is over , I'm Jesus". Guy says you can't be Jesus. Bum says come with me son and walks the guy into the corner bar. As they walk through the door the bartender looks up and says "Jesus you back again.

[Roscinante]

The loaded Airsream pulled into the campground. Instantly, the four kids jumped out and begain setting up camp. Racing here and there grabbing the gear from the TV and putting everything in place.

A nearby camper in an SOB (of course!) took notice and wandered over to talk to Dad.

That is QUITE an impressive display of teamwork by your family. What is your system?

Dad just smiled and said, "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."