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Old 02-13-2007, 06:15 PM   #113
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The picture reminds me of the movie, "War of the Roses"
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Old 02-13-2007, 06:20 PM   #114
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At least the cooler survived. He's gonna need it.

Brad
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Old 02-14-2007, 08:43 AM   #115
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyfshr
At least the cooler survived. He's gonna need it.

Brad
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Hopefully full of beer, he's really gonna need it.

Anybody remember the Lethal Weapon movie when Danny Glover's car got totalled? He said "It was brand-new". And Mel Gibson replied "It still is".
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Old 02-14-2007, 03:58 PM   #116
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Wife sent me this one. Maybe trying to tell me something, you think?

Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that
can store and play music inside a woman's breasts.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always
complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to
them.
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Old 02-14-2007, 04:15 PM   #117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Folkie53
Wife sent me this one. Maybe trying to tell me something, you think?

Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that
can store and play music inside a woman's breasts.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always
complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to
them.
What will Apple call them, "IBoobs"?
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Old 02-16-2007, 11:58 AM   #118
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My wife told me this one...

Why are blonde jokes so short.....

So men can understand them!
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Old 02-16-2007, 12:02 PM   #119
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An old man is turning 100 years old...his grandson wants him to have one last fling before he gives up the ghost, so he hires a lady of the evening for his grandfather...she walks into his room at the nursing home and ask if he is ready for some...Super Sex...he says...honey, at my age I will have the soup!
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Old 02-16-2007, 04:37 PM   #120
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and then there was the Airstream Magician
he walked down the street and turned into a bar
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Old 02-16-2007, 06:26 PM   #121
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cats and dogs

dishwasher additive?
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Old 02-16-2007, 07:00 PM   #122
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Mature Audience Only

Sailor gutís his discharge notice while stationed in Hong Kong.

In his wisdom decides to celebrate the end of his naval career with a visit to the local house of ill repute.

Upon reaching San Francisco he looks down one day while urinating and notices a black spot on the end of his penis. He tries to rub it off but has limited success.

A few days later he looks down and notices that the black spot has grown to the size of a dime. Alarmed he calls and makes an appointment for a few days later with a local MD.

As the doctor enters and asks, "Whatís up?" The man explains his situation and that the offending organ is now all black at the tip and oozing.

The doctor takes a look and exclaims, "I've never seen anything like this, and I think we'll have to take a culture."

A few days later the fellow calls in for his results, now in some discomfort. The doctor suggests that he should come in for another office visit that same day.

Doctor enters the examining room and explains that the patient has "Hong Kong Dong" a rare and deadly sexually transmitted disease.

The man says, "o.k. doc give me a shot and let's get rid of this thing, its killlin' me!"

Doctor says, "Sorry but we're going to have to cut it off!"

"Wow, man wait a minute! As this is only about half way black I figure I've got a little more time before we do that!" says the patient.

Figure that the closer to the source the closer to the cure and the ex-sailor flies back to Hong Kong and rushes into see a local Chinese doctor.

Entering he explains that the American doctors say he has Hong Kong Dong and that the American doctors want to cut off his penis!

The Chinese doctor says, "ah so, please ah drop ah your pants." As he examines the offending organ he says, "Ah so, you have ah Hong Kong Dong, ah for sure."

Patient says, "But doctor, doctor they say they have to cut it off!"

Chinese doctor laughs and says, "Ah so, you American doctors, cut, cut, cut....two week fall of anyway!"
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Old 02-16-2007, 08:03 PM   #123
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Blond Jokes?

One blond calls out to the other blond who is across a raging river:
"How do I get to the other side?!?"

The other blond replies:
"You're already there!!!"
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Old 02-16-2007, 09:40 PM   #124
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One blonde says to the other....which is farther away...the moon or Florida?

The other blonde responds....duh.... Florida! You can see the moon.
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Old 02-16-2007, 09:48 PM   #125
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A blonde is having trouble with her airstream running rough....stops at a local gas station. Tells the mechanic that things are just shimmying all over the place.
Mechanic chews....spits....says....let's have a look at her.
Comes back later...says ....she's all done...ready to roll...take her for a test drive... Blonde returns and says....WOW! Thanks!How much do I owe you?
Mechanic....nah nothing.
Blonde says huh?
Mechanic....yeah...just a little crap in the running gear.
Blonde....how often do I have to do that?
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Old 02-20-2007, 02:29 PM   #126
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The Spoon

For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need
for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson
on how consultants can make a difference to an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and
noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his
shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but when another waiter
brought our water and utensils I noticed he also had a spoon in his
shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had
spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the
spoon?"

"Well, he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen
Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of
analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently
dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we
can reduce the number of trips back to the
kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to
replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to
the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging
out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the
waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he
walked off, I asked the waiter "Excuse me, but can you tell me why
you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that
we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of
you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate
the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the
restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use
the spoon
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