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Old 01-12-2007, 08:35 PM   #71
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OK...These are a few of my favorites. Last time I posted these in the forums it was January 2005. Looks like there is a lot of new blood in here so I hope you all get another laugh out of them........


Granny's Carpool



A state police officer observed a car puttering along the highway at only 22 m.p.h. He turned on his lights and pulled the car over. Approaching the vehicle, he noticed that it contained five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, and that all the old ladies were wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going exactly the speed limit. What's the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? I'm following the posted speed exactly!"

The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. Embarassed, the woman smiled and thanked him for pointing out her error. Before letting her go, however, the officer asked, "Is everyone in the car okay? Those women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."



another???


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' "
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You got a heart murmur. Be careful

ok...one more...don't get offended but this one had me cracking up....


Breakfast in the Buff

An elerly couple had been married for 50 years, and were having breakfast one morning when the woman says: "You know when we were first married we used to have breakfast every morning butt naked. Do you think we could try again?"

He thinks that's a good idea and they take off their clothes.

After a few minutes she says: "You know my breasts still get hot for you even after all these years."

He replies: " Honey, that's because you have one nipple in your oatmeal and the other in your coffee."

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Old 01-12-2007, 08:41 PM   #72
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A man meets an attractive lady and asks her name.

Carmen she replies.

That's a pretty name he replies - is that a family name.

No she says, I gave it to myself. It combines my two favorite things in life - cars and men.

What's your name she asks.

He thinks a second and replies - Airstreamboobs.
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:21 PM   #73
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because he was Moooo-ving.




Why did the chicken cross the road?



He didn't 'cause he was chicken.




Why did the Turkey cross the road?








To prove he wasn't chicken!!!!! ber-rump-bump!
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Old 01-17-2007, 06:00 PM   #74
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Oxymoron: Contradiction in terms.
Example--Jumbo Shrimp
Government Intelligence
Dodge Ram
Microsoft Works.
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Old 01-17-2007, 08:40 PM   #75
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Why is it that you drive on a parkway
and park on a driveway?
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:00 PM   #76
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Talking This is a test

You are traveling at a constant speed

To your left is a drop off of between 18 and 20 inches

To your right is a fire engine traveling at the same speed that you are
In front of you is a horse also traveling at the same speed


Behind you is a zebra traveling at the same speed

Now what do you do?

get off the carousel and let a little kid ride
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:59 PM   #77
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How cold is it?

It's been so cold lately that even the liberals have stopped talking about global warming.
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Old 01-18-2007, 03:34 AM   #78
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It's been so cold that 12 dogs have been found frozen to fire hydrants...
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Old 01-18-2007, 08:32 AM   #79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistral blue
Why is it that you drive on a parkway
and park on a driveway?
For the same reason we click the "start" button when we want to turn off our PC's!

Because it is America!
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Old 01-21-2007, 09:23 AM   #80
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Try this link for a good laugh.
Chinese Food Song
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Old 01-21-2007, 10:30 AM   #81
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Envelope Please...

Baby seal walks into a club...
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Old 01-21-2007, 10:47 AM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevbo10
Baby seal walks into a club...
... everyone stops what they're doing ...
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Old 01-28-2007, 09:10 PM   #83
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There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

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Old 01-28-2007, 09:12 PM   #84
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There are 3 kinds of people in this world.

Those that can count, and those that can't.
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