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Old 12-29-2009, 03:58 PM   #617
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His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
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“After all these years the reason I continue to love Thanksgiving.....I still sit at the kids table.”
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Sandra wanted to go to Cleveland on vacation,
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:00 PM   #618
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Quote:
The average man's private area is three times the length of his thumb.
I showed this to my wife and she exclaimed, "You said they were all the same size!"
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:26 AM   #619
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Originally Posted by N2XBW View Post
The average man's private area is three times the length of his thumb.
Out of sheer boredom and not having anything else better to do, I took out a ruler and made the appropriate measurement comparisions, this isn't true!
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:35 AM   #620
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Women have the ability to talk three times faster than what a man can understand.

Men are not born with selective hearing, we develope it. It starts off from when boys learn how to tune out their mothers and it progresses to men tuing out their wives. This takes much practice however and is oftentimes difficult listening to the T.V. over whatever the wife is saying.
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:37 AM   #621
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My wife is always complaing that I'm not listening to her, or something like that. I listen to her, I just can't remember what it is that she says most of the time.
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Old 01-05-2010, 01:55 PM   #622
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Amazing simple home remedies:

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
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PFC.....

“After all these years the reason I continue to love Thanksgiving.....I still sit at the kids table.”
RLC

Sandra wanted to go to Cleveland on vacation,
but I’m the Husband, so we went to Cleveland.
RLC
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:21 PM   #623
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Originally Posted by greywolf View Post
Out of sheer boredom and not having anything else better to do, I took out a ruler and made the appropriate measurement comparisions, this isn't true!
Uh, you're supposed to take your measurements when it's happy!
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Old 01-06-2010, 11:26 AM   #624
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minnie's Mate View Post
Uh, you're supposed to take your measurements when it's happy!
12 inches is seldom the rule!
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:21 PM   #625
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Wink The three stages of a mans life

NYNerd » Blog Archive » 3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
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“After all these years the reason I continue to love Thanksgiving.....I still sit at the kids table.”
RLC

Sandra wanted to go to Cleveland on vacation,
but I’m the Husband, so we went to Cleveland.
RLC
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Old 01-07-2010, 08:45 AM   #626
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Quote:
Originally Posted by garry View Post
more snow
Now, that-there's funny no matter who you are!
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Old 01-08-2010, 12:00 AM   #627
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Stages of a man's sex life according to his age:
20's- 30's --tri weekly
40's - 50's--try weekly
60 and up --try weakly
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Old 01-12-2010, 01:43 PM   #628
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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Old 01-12-2010, 05:36 PM   #629
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A Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks
over at him and asks THE QUESTION......?


WIFE:'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND:'Of course I do.'

WIFE:'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would?' (with a hurt look)

HUSBANDmakes audible groan)

WIFE:'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND:'Sure, it's a great house.'

WIFE:'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND:'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE:'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND:'Probably, it is almost new.'

WI FE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND:'That would seem like the proper thing to do'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE:'Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND:'Yes, those are always good times.'

WIFE:'Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND:'No, she's left-handed.'

WIFE........ silence

HUSBAND: Cr@p
__________________
PFC.....

“After all these years the reason I continue to love Thanksgiving.....I still sit at the kids table.”
RLC

Sandra wanted to go to Cleveland on vacation,
but I’m the Husband, so we went to Cleveland.
RLC
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:37 PM   #630
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The female and male version of poems:



A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.



A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
with a small butt, 36DD's;
who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a flying #*&@.
The End

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