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Old 11-13-2009, 07:07 PM   #561
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While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution. I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care. A new hip? Unheard of. We simply can't afford to take care of you anymore. You don't need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let's take care of the young people. After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.


So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3 bullets You are allowed to shoot one senator and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need! New teeth, great! Need glasses, no problem! New hip, knee, kidney,lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this. The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.
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Old 11-14-2009, 08:50 AM   #562
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"When you turn 70, you get a gun and 3 bullets You are allowed to shoot one senator and 2 representatives."

I've got my 3 ready, with plenty to spare!
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:24 PM   #563
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We see that Santa doesn't want to answer that question! Good Post.
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Old 11-14-2009, 03:17 PM   #564
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We see that Santa doesn't want to answer that question! Good Post.
Santa then disappeared in a puff of logic!

{thanks, Douglas Adams}
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Old 11-14-2009, 11:05 PM   #565
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I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring
(Hello? Hello? ), but when I immediately
call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer?
Drop the phone and run away?
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:40 PM   #566
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The invisible man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

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Old 11-16-2009, 12:07 PM   #567
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
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Old 11-17-2009, 07:02 AM   #568
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The detective was questioning a suspect.

"Now, where were you between five and twelve?" he asked.

"In elementary school!" came the reply
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Old 11-17-2009, 07:08 PM   #569
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Blond

"THE BLOND AND THE COW"


A BLOND CITY GIRL NAMED AMY MARRIES A COLORADO RANCHER. ONE MORNING ON HIS WAY OUT TO CHECK ON THE COWS, THE RANCHER
SAYS TO AMY, THE INSEMINATION MAN IS COMING OVER TO IMPREGNATE ONE OF OUR COWS TODAY, SO I DROVE A NAIL INTO THE 2 BY 4 JUST ABOVE WHERE THE COW'S STALL IS IN THE BARN. PLEASE SHOW HIM WHERE THE COW IS WHEN HE GETS HERE, OK?
THE RANCHER LEAVES FOR THE FIELDS.
AFTER A WHILE, THE ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION MAN ARRIVES AND KNOCKS ON THE FRONT DOOR. AMY TAKES HIM DOWN TO THE BARN. THEY WALK ALONG THE ROW OF STALLS AND WHEN AMY SEES THE NAIL, SHE TELLS HIM "THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE, RIGHT HERE" THE MAN, ASSUMING HE IS DEALING WITH AN AIR HEAD BLOND, ASKS "TELL ME LADY" AS I AM DYING TO KNOW; HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS THE RIGHT COW TO BE BRED? "THATS SIMPLE," SHE SAID. "BY THE NAIL THATS OVER IT'S STALL, SHE EXPLAINS VERY CONFIDANTLY. LAUGHING VERY RUDELY AT HER, HE SAYS,AND WHAT PRAY TELL IS THE NAIL FOR?
THE BLOND TURNS TO WALK AWAY AND SAYS SWEETLY OVER HER SHOULDER, I GUESS ITS TO HANG YOUR PANTS ON.

(Its nice to see a Blond winning once in a while.)
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Old 11-18-2009, 04:35 AM   #570
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The missionary was brought before the tribal chief to explain why one of the native girls had borne a white baby.

The preacher began by drawing a comparison with the tribe's sheep.

"Have you noticed that every so often a white ewe will produce a black lamb?"

"Ungh!" grunted the chief, "you no more talk about black sheeps, me forgets about white baby."
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Old 11-18-2009, 11:47 PM   #571
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:11 PM   #572
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The invisible man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

Sooooo, if the invisible man married a regular woman, would the children be opaque?
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:50 AM   #573
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Sooooo, if the invisible man married a regular woman, would the children be opaque?
Some thoughts on your question:

Not opaque, just a little translucent.

Maybe they'd be semi-good-lookers.

Then again, if he's invisible, he wouldn't HAVE to marry her!
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:14 PM   #574
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don't have to be married to have an translucent child....
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