Welcome! AS Comedy Club

[Minnie's Mate]

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.



FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio cast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.

[chapparel]

Circumcised(this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

KIDS; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE 'EM!

[N2XBW]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[chapparel]

My grandmother always said...
'A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!'

Live Well and Laugh Often !

[N2XBW]

D.A.M. ~ Mothers Against Dyslexia

[chapparel]

Philosophy of sex..............

[N2XBW]

A ditzy gal carefully tied her dog under a broad shade tree and went into a nearby diner.

A few moments after her arrival, a policeman entered the beanery.

"Say," says the cop, "Whose dog is that tied to the tree outside?"

"That's my Suzie out there," replied the gal.

"Well, she's in heat." continued the officer, "And she's going to attract every dog in town."

"I don't think she's in heat," said the ditz, "I left her in the cool shade."

"No!", declared the cop, "I mean she wants to get bred."

"She shouldn't need any bread, I fed her before we came here." was the reply.

"You d-d-don't understand me." stammered the cop. "Your dog wants to have SEX!"

"Well then, go ahead. I've always wanted a police dog!"

[chapparel]

sounds like a Blond Joke..........

[N2XBW]

Wal-Mart has announced that sometime in late 2009 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.

The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with the makers of Thunderbird to produce the spirits at an affordable price in the $2 to $5 range. " With this down-turned economy there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at the University of Arkansas, Bentonville. "However, branding will be very important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top ten names in order of popularity were:


10. Chateau de Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet Soveniagn

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

[chapparel]

What about Europe?

[ROBERT CROSS]

Ingenuious say what???

[Bambi75th]

FINAL EXAM

At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam..
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...


For 95 points: Which tire? _________

[ROBERT CROSS]

Adam & God


God said, 'Adam, I want you to do something for Me.'
Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down Into that valley.'
Adam said, 'What's a valley?'

God explained it to himThen God said, 'Cross the river.'
Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that to him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....'
Adam said, 'What is a hill?'

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.


He told Adam, 'On The other side of the hill you will find a cave.'
Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, 'In the cave You will find a woman.'
Adam said, 'What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too
Then, God said, 'I Want you to reproduce.'
Adam said, 'How do I do that?'

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....'
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down Into the valley, Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the Woman.

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

God, His patience Wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is itNow?'
And Adam said....



'What's a headache?'

[chapparel]

Are you ready?