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Old 12-24-2006, 08:41 PM   #29
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1993 21' Sovereign
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Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors?
So he could hide in the jelly beans.
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Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:42 PM   #30
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funnnyyyy!
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:49 PM   #31
Well Preserved

 
1993 21' Sovereign
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Thank you, I'll be here all weekend. Don't forget to tip your bartenders and servers, you take care of them, and they'll take care of you!
Y'all have been great! Merry Christmas!
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Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:52 PM   #32
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Merry Holiday to you Terry,

I'm just waiting for the prime rib, mashed potato and gravy, green bean casserole, to find it's gravitational spot, before I bring out the pineapple upside down cake ...my mom, son and I are relaxing and moving the belt notch out a few!!!
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:53 PM   #33
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p.s. Steve's playing Santa early tonite..he's giving me the gift of hand washing the pots/pans and dishes!!!!..hahaah
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:58 PM   #34
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Broken Arrow , Oklahoma
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A nice looking blond walks down to her dock on the river and sees another blond on the other side. She waves and the blond on the other side of the river shouts ” How can I get to the other side” the blond on the dock answers “You are already over there”!

Garry
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Old 12-24-2006, 09:08 PM   #35
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1959 24' Tradewind
Phoenix , Arizona
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Location: I currently do not own a 2nd Airstream
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An elderly couple are sitting in church one Sunday morning intently listening to the sermon. The woman gets a funny look on her face and leans over to her husband and whispers "I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?" The husband quietly replies in her ear "First thing you should do would be to change the battery in your hearing aid."

Elvis has left the building.

Brad
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Old 12-24-2006, 09:14 PM   #36
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Wife says to husband: can you hear me..no reply from the husband.
Wife repeats: can you hear me..no reply from the husband.
3rd time wife repeats: can you hear me..finally husband says: for the 3rd time, I can hear you.
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Old 12-24-2006, 11:51 PM   #37
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A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away."
The next day, the man says, "Did you do what I told you to?"
"Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"
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Old 12-25-2006, 09:40 AM   #38
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Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshiper ...

who sold his soul to Santa .
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Old 12-25-2006, 02:03 PM   #39
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Hendersonville , North Carolina
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Wife at Christmas:
"I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband...
best trade I ever made!"
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Old 12-25-2006, 08:42 PM   #40
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An obnoxious drunk had been hanging out in the bar for several hours. The bartender refused to serve him any more and offered to call him a cab, but the drunk refused and stumbled out.

In about 10 minutes he returned holding out his car key and claiming loudly "Someone stole my car... See I had a car that fit right on the end of this key... and now it's gone.... It should fit right on the end of this key and now it's gone..."

The bartender suddenly noticed that the drunk's fly was open and his private parts were hanging out; so he discreetly said, "Hey buddy, your fly is open!"

At which point the drunk looked down and exclaimed loudly, "Oh sh**, someone stole my girl TOO!"


Paula
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Old 12-25-2006, 08:49 PM   #41
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Copied...but still funny

What would have been different if Bill Gates was a redneck

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders'95 would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling Feebird!
8. Instead of Start Me Up the Winders'95 theme song would be Achy-Braky Heart
9. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
11. Winders'95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts
14. New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
20. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory dead cars in your front yard
21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
23. Instead of asking "where do you want to go today? it's more like Hey mister, can I ketch a ridein the back?
24. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
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Old 12-25-2006, 09:03 PM   #42
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A man goes to the lumber yard and says, "I need a 2x4".
The clerk says, "How long do you want it"
The man says, "A long time, I'm building a house".
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