Welcome! AS Comedy Club

[N2XBW]

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs and draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess!

[ROBERT CROSS]

Why husbands shouldn't take messages...

[N2XBW]

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
Window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
-lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two
sons, both judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . both Admirals.

Hoo-Ahh!

[Minnie's Mate]

Received this in an e-mail from a buddy of mine:

[Minnie's Mate]

He also sent this one, too:

[N2XBW]

If TWO IRS Agents are DROWNING, and you know you could only save ONE,
What would you do?
A] Read the Paper
B] Get a coffee

[Minnie's Mate]

Originally Posted by N2XBW

If TWO IRS Agents are DROWNING, and you know you could only save ONE,
What would you do?
A] Read the Paper
B] Get a coffee

C] Take a nap!

[mrmossyone]

Originally Posted by Minnie's Mate

C] Take a nap!

D) Say, What was I thinking, then, quite by accident mind you, hold myself up by placing my hands on their heads.

[N2XBW]

A wee Belfast boy came home from school in tears.
'What's the matter, son?' asked his mum.
'We were doing sums today, Mummy,' he said.
'And were they too hard then?'
'Well, the teacher said either I couldn't count, or I was stupid, or all three.'

[ROBERT CROSS]

We've had quite a bit of snow this weekend, so after snow blowing the

driveway and pad I went to Tim Hortins for coffee 'eh. I go there quite

often and know most of the morning servers.

Now ..... is a very bright young lady, a real go-getter. In her second year

at a local community college, works full time, volunteers at a senior center

& and is going to be an intern in Albany for a local congressman this Summer.

Our conversation turned to all the snow we've had, I said it's March after

all and we should be having at least a little bit of Spring. Jane replied,

"it's good that DST started early this year." When I asked why she said,

"well if the Sun ever does come out it may help melt some of the snow."

When I tried to explain that the days don't get longer all at once, I could tell

by her expression that it might take more time than we had, I turned smiled

at the others standing in line and thought, maybe she does have a future in

politics.

[N2XBW]

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Cancun to thaw out during this miserable icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where They spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Mexico on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in the lobby, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the Floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: February 14, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

[Minnie's Mate]

A friend sent me this e-mail. It read:

"I went night clubbing last night.

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she
probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had
a "Sportsman's Double?"
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
"Oh..." I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like.
We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky
night.
We went back to her place.
We walked in.


She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:

'Mom......you still awake'?"

[ROBERT CROSS]

FLORIDA....God's Waiting Room

[ROBERT CROSS]

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:


1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.


2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.