I had 12 bottles of whiskey in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink...or else. So, I proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the excepition one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass, poured the cork from the bottle, corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, (which were 29) and as the house came by me.............I counted them again. Finally had all the houses is one bottle, which I drank.
I was not under the alcofluence of inchol, as some theople pink, I was not half so thunk as you might drink. I felt so feelish I didn't know who was me, and the drunker I stood there, the longer I got.
Starkle, Starkle, little Pink
How the heck I are you think
I not under the affluence of inklehol like many thinkle pink I are
Besides, I have all sober to Sunday up!
__________________
2006 30' Safari - "Changes in Latitudes"
2008 F-250 Lariat Power Stroke Diesel Crew Cab SWB
Family of Disney Fanatics
WBCCI# 4821 streamin across america
Starkle, Starkle, little Pink
How the heck I are you think
I not under the affluence of inklehol like many thinkle pink I are
Besides, I have all sober to Sunday up!
I'm not as think as you drunk I am!
__________________
Courtesy parking-- water, elect. and wi-fi.
To those who are about to Stream-I salute you!
Last words between a motorist and a patrolman prior to the motorist's rapid trip to jail:
Patrolman: Hello sir, have you been drinking, I see that your eyes are bloodshot.
Motorist: No sir, I certainly have not been drinking....but have you been eating donuts, I noticed that your eyes are glazed!
OOOOOOH!!!!!
__________________
2006 30' Safari - "Changes in Latitudes"
2008 F-250 Lariat Power Stroke Diesel Crew Cab SWB
Family of Disney Fanatics
WBCCI# 4821 streamin across america
Dear Boss
Why I didn't show up for work yesterday:
I had 12 bottles of whiskey in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink...or else. So, I proceeded with the unpleasant task.
Source Unknown
It would have taken me much longer than one night to do that. I'd have to drink every bottle myself and pee in the sink! I'd still be getting the job accomplished but I would be the middle man in gettin it done.
A little boy write a letter to Santa asking for $100 so he can buy a bike himself since he knows Santa's sleigh is rather full as it is. A postal worker who assigned the task of sorting through all the letter addressed to Santa reads it and thinks it's cute so he sends the boy a $5 bill. Latter the boy writes a thank you letter back to Santa, "Dear Santa, thank you for sending me the $100, but wouldn't you know it, them b*$t*rd$ at the IRS took out $95 for taxes!"
__________________
Courtesy parking-- water, elect. and wi-fi.
To those who are about to Stream-I salute you!
the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win. __________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion. __________________________________________________ _______
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem. __________________________________________________ _______________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing. __________________________________________________ _______________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. __________________________________________________ _______________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a *calculator instead (*applies to engineers only) __________________________________________________ _______________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex. beer, sex, sports, sex, cars or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask. __________________________________________________ ______________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others. __________________________________________________ ________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. The color is just fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. Jewellery adds to the outfit, any pieces are fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your rear end look too big. It was the pasta, cheezies and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? __________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do. __________________________________________________ _____________
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men
__________________ You never hear of people dieing in their Airstream, only at home and in hospitals. So, live long by getting out and enjoying your Airstream.
Barry & Donna Life is short - so's the door on an Flying Cloud (ouch)
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice. "What the hell is anal glaucoma?" "I can't see my ass coming into work today."
Jethro asks the boss for a day off tomorrow.
"My wife's going to have a baby," he announces.
The boss smiles and says, "Wonderful, take the rest of the week if you want."
Monday morning the boss asks, "Well, what was it?"
Jethro replies with a blank look.
"The baby, is a boy or girl?" he continues.
"Heck", replies Jethro, "We won't know that for 9 months!"
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