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Old 09-13-2012, 06:35 PM   #1
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Really small town headlines

How "small town" is your hometown?

Let's see how many creative "Really Small Town": Newspaper Headlines we can invent. You are free to add as much of the "actual story" as you care to create. Please feel free to be as goofy as possible.

I'll start:
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GRANDFATHER FALLS ASLEEP IN RECLINER
"I asked him if he'd fed the dog yet," reports Grandma Doris Williams, "And there was Henry, sound asleep and snoring away in that Lazyboy chair of his."
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LEGION DINNER TO OFFER 2 DESSERT CHOICES THIS MONTH
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:12 PM   #2
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Signal light stops working


The one light in town malfunctioned today causing confusion and backups of 4-6 cars.
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:13 AM   #3
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The really small towns don't have newspapers. They don't need them, because everybody already knows everyone else's business.

By the way, according to Time Magazine, America's smallest town is Buford, Wyoming. Population: 1. Their real headline:
Vietnamese Businessman Buys America’s Smallest Town

Buford, Wyoming: America’s Smallest Town Bought by Vietnam Businessman | NewsFeed | TIME.com
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:52 PM   #4
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LOCAL WOMAN THRILLED TO WIN $2 ON SCRATCH-OFF CARD.
-After consulting with her husband, winner decides to take two more cards as payment.
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Old 09-17-2012, 02:01 PM   #5
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Local man's new airforums game deemed no fun at all.
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Old 09-17-2012, 02:51 PM   #6
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Chicken Crosses Road

After much debate, the chicken finally crosses the road. Reason? Unknown


Ok... not that funny lol
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Old 09-17-2012, 03:29 PM   #7
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Reason Found For Chicken's Recent Highway Crossing Venture!

"It was way too far to go around." states Chicken
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Old 09-17-2012, 03:51 PM   #8
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^^^ Much better! LOL!
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Old 09-18-2012, 10:44 AM   #9
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Library Closed this Week: All 3 Books in Circulation!
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Old 09-20-2012, 05:38 AM   #10
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Local Election Results

Here are the results of Tuesday's election:
For mayor, Bubba McCoy was running unopposed. He won with 75% of the vote. When asked why the vote wasn't unanimous, mayor-elect Bubba said, "The missus just had to be contrary, I guess."
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Old 09-24-2012, 12:10 PM   #11
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MAN'S SECRET BOTTLE MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS!
Willard "Junior" Whitmarsh was alarmed today to find his "secret" bottle of Old Mr. Boston blackberry brandy usually stashed in a box of magazines in the cellar was missing. Although he thinks his wife might be somehow involved in this disappearance, he has yet to make an official accusation. Junior notes that the magazines are also missing. "I fig'r she'll say somthin' 'bout it at supper t'night." conjectured Whitmarsh.
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:45 PM   #12
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MISSING CHURCH TREASURER LOCATED!

Vernon "Sterno" Hemmings, former treasurer of The Wilson Hollow Community Church who last week absconded with the church's treasury, was located by authorities in Preston City yesterday. The entire treasury of nearly $3500 was not recovered. When asked about the money, Mr. Hemmings related, "I spent most of it on wine, women and song, then I wasted the rest!"
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:19 PM   #13
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Old 10-13-2012, 09:06 PM   #14
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Golf Club Expands to Three Holes!
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