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Old 12-19-2008, 10:15 PM   #1
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Puns-O-Fun...

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that...you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


Did you hear about the buddhist who refused novocain during a root canal? His goal: Transcend Dental Medication.


A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir...only one carrion allowed per passenger.


"Doc, I cant' stop singing 'The Green, Green Gras of Home'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."


An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal'. the other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....(oh man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, buy they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

...and lastly...(for now)...

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Old 12-20-2008, 07:30 AM   #2
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A sigh-entific approach

Charles Darwin explored much of the evolution of the pun in his lesser known work, "The Origin of Feces," which was poorly digested by the popular press and reportedly left a bad taste in their mouths.

Many physicists have made efforts to study the composition of puns, only to complain among bouts of depression weeks later that gravity keeps bringing them down.

As for chemists who die trying to analyze the pun, we barium.

Beryllium, Boron!

Definition of PUN:
A terrible and painful play on words inflicted upon the listener by someone who thought of it before they could.

All Airstreamers always avidly avoid awkward alliteration!
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Old 01-03-2009, 10:57 AM   #3
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Little Johnny was choking on a sucker.
His mother admonished, "Johnny, I've told you not to lolligag!"
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:03 PM   #4
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found another batch...

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
but eventually it came back to me

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing - but it let out a little whine

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act,
but he was just going through a stage.

She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

I get my large circumference from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

5000 hares have escaped from the zoo.
The police are combing the area

Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
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Old 05-15-2009, 05:33 PM   #5
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He tried to fix the old RV's air conditioner, but decided he'd need to find a better air stream.
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Old 07-17-2009, 06:50 PM   #6
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As he left the Airstream that early morning, he promply hit his head with the yawning.
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Old 11-27-2009, 05:53 PM   #7
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He smacked his shinbone on the trailer ball, now he walks with a hitch.
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Old 11-27-2009, 06:53 PM   #8
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Asked the dear wife for aural sex, you can imagine what she told me to do.
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PFC.....

“After all these years the reason I continue to love Thanksgiving.....I still sit at the kids table.”
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Old 11-28-2009, 05:08 PM   #9
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I fell on my way down from the elevated railroad, and everyone around me just staired.
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Old 11-28-2009, 05:10 PM   #10
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I fell on my way down from the elevated railroad, and everyone around me just kept stairing.
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