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Old 08-14-2012, 07:01 AM   #1359
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The frog appears at 2 minutes in

Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna...m HD 720p bacco... Original! - YouTube
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:50 PM   #1360
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A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly
gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything
you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old
television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who
gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached
God's word.'
'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons everyone slept! When the taxi driver drove,
everyone prayed!'
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Old 08-22-2012, 08:03 PM   #1361
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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.' The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part....

'Only when he's been drinking.'
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Old 08-23-2012, 06:52 PM   #1362
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Collection of slogans, some good, some... well...

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. BlueCross and salary.

Dinner Special-Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
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Old 08-24-2012, 05:08 AM   #1363
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Maybe it's just to early in the AM, but in reading a post the following comment: "I would have taken more pictures, but my phone died." I guess I'm out of touch with the times. Or, I would have called you, but my camera died. Sal.
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Old 08-24-2012, 09:59 AM   #1364
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Found carved on a wooden plate in a bar along the Snake River...

A marriage license should be like a fishing license--it expires every year and if you go out of state you can buy a 3 day license. If you think about it, girls and fish have a lot in common. They are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right, most are good to eat. Also, if you decide to mount one you know it's going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them), they start going bad and fresh ones are always better. Practice catch and release. Larry J.
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Old 08-24-2012, 10:17 AM   #1365
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Sign in an antique shop:


"Unattended children will be captured and sold as slaves"




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Old 08-26-2012, 09:06 PM   #1366
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Four of my favorite slogans/sayings:

1) "Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way" (originally applicable on the dance floor, but has many applications in real-life).

B) "Life is tough, life is tougher when you're stupid" (John Wayne is supposed to have uttered this truism at some point).

3) "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again" (Anon.)

Q) "if a hurricane is approaching, get out of the way" (Duh)

5) "Be Prepared" (Lord Robert Baden-Powell c. 1910)

Jim
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:58 PM   #1367
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:30 PM   #1368
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Sign in a quilt shop:


"Unattended children will be given candy and a puppy"
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Old 10-30-2012, 07:41 AM   #1369
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Is anyone reading this thread a quilter? No, I didn't say "quitter"! So if you are a quilter, what projects are you working on? Has anyone made an Airstream-themed quilt? There are some nice metallic fabrics that could simulate aluminum.

Speaking of aluminum, what is the price paid for scrap aluminum in your area? I'm contemplating sending an Excella to the scrap yard.
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Old 10-30-2012, 10:05 AM   #1370
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Quote:
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...I'm contemplating sending an Excella to the scrap yard.
What model year? Are you contemplating saving the door, windows, and end caps? Z
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:16 PM   #1371
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No it's all going! I'm sick of looking at it sneering at me in its aluminum perfection!
I'm going to ask the man at the scrap yard if I can push the button on the shredder!!!
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:55 PM   #1372
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... I'm sick of looking at it sneering at me in its aluminum perfection!..!!
Don't they have institutions in NY for people like you? Z
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