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Old 03-04-2008, 11:11 AM   #1
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As we all get a little older....

Serenity - or - Senility???

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied.
"Two years older than me"
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Always remember this:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:18 PM   #2
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I LIKE Being Over The Hill
It Beats Being Under It!
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Old 03-07-2008, 07:30 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by N2XBW
I LIKE Being Over The Hill
It Beats Being Under It!
Or scattered all over it!!!
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Old 03-08-2008, 10:38 AM   #4
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Keep yo' --- [self]
On THIS side th' grass!
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Old 03-08-2008, 10:40 AM   #5
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When I die I want to go QUIETLY in my sleep like my Uncle Howard.
Not screaming like his passengers!
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Old 07-21-2008, 07:37 PM   #6
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Old 07-21-2008, 07:48 PM   #7
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Cute

Very cute. You has us laughing. Fortunately or unfortunately I found a little bit of me in each commentary.
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:09 PM   #8
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Very cute. You has us laughing. Fortunately or unfortunately I found a little bit of me in each commentary.
I'm glad you enjoyed my contributions.
John /N2XBW
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Old 07-22-2008, 09:29 AM   #9
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I love the tats! Too funny!
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Old 07-31-2008, 08:19 PM   #10
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At Quartzite:
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Old 10-25-2008, 02:09 PM   #11
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As we all get a little older....

You are more likely to be cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
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Old 10-26-2008, 03:37 PM   #12
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A man is not old until his regrets take the place of dreams.
- - - - John Barrymore, "Good Night, Sweet Prince"
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Old 10-27-2008, 12:15 PM   #13
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As we all get a little older....
You hope the "run-down feeling" doesn't include something that "runs down" your leg.
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Old 11-07-2008, 04:13 PM   #14
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California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE.

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