I have your little brother, a 2016 4runner, as my TV. I am also running into tongue weight issues, though on a lighter trailer. As far as I can tell, Toyota has gone to a flat 10% of the towing capacity to calculate the hitch weight limit on all their recent models, including the Tundra. Also, as far as I can tell, they no longer give a separate spec when using a WD hitch. This is problematic, as most trailers run hitch weight higher than 10%, so the hitch weight will be the limiting factor. I found that I run a higher hitch weight than what was in the Airstream specs, and am right on the 500# limit.
I wonder if the hitch manufacturer in your case changed the spec to match the Toyota specs. (In that case, why would someone buy one?) If it is just the receiver, then I can understand why the limit would stay the same, since the receiver probably isn't the weakest link. If it is a full system, with a hitch that attaches to the frame rails, then it should be capable of higher capacity. My issue is that aftermarket hitches are no longer made for 4runners as the current design precludes adding a hitch to the frame rails. On the other hand, two truck service places in town (including one that specializes in Toyota), thought the current hitch could easily exceed my 500# limit, particularly with WD. Nevertheless, I'm being careful how I load the trailer to keep hitch weight at or below the limit. YMMV.
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