Reflecting on my soul crushing job

[m.hony]

You will not ever get over that feeling.
If you are like me, although it is unfulfilling, you will stay at your job 20 more years for the stability and security.
At least in 2 years I will get another week of vacation for a total of 4 weeks.
I am 48.
My spirit was broken several years ago...

[D2LLIO]

I went through a similar "phase" when I hit 39 (28 years ago). I had a great job in the IT industry but was burned out. Back then I was an avid backpacker. I gave my boss 4 months notice and let him know that come August 1 (1989), I was leaving. I gave up my apartment, sold a bunch of stuff, put keepsakes in storage, packed up my Jeep Cherokee with all my backpacking/camping gear and hit the road. I spend the next 5-6 months touring back roads of CA, OR, WA, ID, MT, WY, CO, NM, UT, AZ. Small towns, Indian ruins, ski towns, hiking, hiking, hiking. Best time of my life! When I "returned to civilization", I took my time finding another job. I was gutsy then. When I look back on it, I turned down a couple of jobs until I got what I wanted. I was very lucky. Anyway, I have been working again now since 1990 and plan to retire at the end of this year. However, those 5-6 months on the road were incredible. The exact opposite of your "soul crushing" description. Soul saving in my case. Do it! You can always return to work at some point in the future, should you choose to do so. One final thing to share with you. Mid-way through my 5-6 month journey, I remember coming back from a short 1/2 mile hike to a lookout point at one of the beautiful Native American parks in Utah. As I approached my Jeep, a big class A RV pulled up right behind me and the driver asked me if I had just returned from the such-and-such trail. I said yes, and he asked me to describe what I had seen, in detail, to he and his wife. He explained that his wife was in bad health and couldn't hike that far. They had waited their entire lives to save up enough money, retire and get out on the road. Well, now they were retired and had the money, but his wife didn't have the health to fully enjoy their life long plan. DON'T WAIT. There is no guarantee of what tomorrow holds for us.

[DawnK]

Hi there! Thought I would share my experience as someone that has worked for a very long time, left a job with the same company after 26 years and now is considering a more "flexible" simple lifestyle. I left my corporate job in December 2011 and since then have done a variety of consulting jobs and real estate. I moved to the beach (bucket list) and then after a couple of years, realized I love it more as a vacationeer. As I am thinking about my next bucket list item (the RV), I am using what I have learned in the past few years about money before making a leap. Here's the deal.... you do need money to live. How you choose to live will equal what kind of money you need on hand. Gig employment has become very popular and has many perks. However, without some kind of savings, it can also be stressful. Also, if you are used to making a certain amount of money and then that has an abrupt change, be very prepared to make those abrupt changes to your spending habits. I've become a bargain queen, love the Dollar Store, never eat out, drink less wine, and still am happy that I work from home, in my jeans, flip flops or Uggs. As I am thinking about this possible RV lifestyle, I'm doing lots of research through these forums and the bloggers on YouTube. What I hear all the time is there is always maintenance on the RV, unless boondocking, there are fees to park and camp, some are not cheap. For me personally, storage if I'm not traveling full time, will be an expense (haven't decided this part yet). What all the RV experts have taught me in my research is that you will spend money and if I am going to do this, have money saved for the unexpected and start up costs - Care Free is great, however, it's not free. My two cents.

[alreardon]

It is sad we have to work and wait until retirement. I pulled the plug early at 62. Got rid of all my stuff and hit the road. You can live on a lot less, and get alot more.

Gas, Groceries, Green Fees and Camping.

A pay check encourages you to buy stuff you really don't need.

Good luck!

www.road2reinvention.net

Alison

[Rgentum]

Although I've had "soul crushing" jobs from time to time, my "problem" is that I like challenges and get bored easily (and also don't mind working 12-14 hr days for long stretches if I enjoy what I'm doing). Consequently, I've "redefined" myself & moved into different areas of work every 10-15 years, typically without batting an eye about looking backwards & seeing "what I might be missing." At 62, I did it again, and in the following ten years made up in $$$, enough in 10 years to retire comfortably, and certainly in satisfaction whatever I had left behind before. Throughout, I've had no regrets --- my life, I don't care for boredom and like learning and applying new ideas.

When I did a big career shift in my early 30s, my mother, raised in the depression, just about had a cow, "Richard, you've worked long and hard to get where you are now and have a respectable job that's making you good money and providing you with good benefits." Later, she told me that she let that go, on the notion that she felt one of my qualities was a remarkable ability to land on my feet. When I did it again in my early 40s, numbers of my colleagues took me aside, asked me furtively how I was doing it, and told me they wished they could do it themselves but felt "locked in" to their present position. While I may be unable to recommend this life course for others, it's worked for me and been fun (but not without a lot of crashes and, in time, pulling myself out of holes that I've dug).

My best to you whatever you decide. I don't think you can make a "mistake." Every person is special and unique. Whatever you decide will be right for you.

[judyjudy]

Originally Posted by great2beadaw

I'm turning 40 next year. I am pausing to reflect on what that means. Does it mean that I really have to stay at this job which has no purpose for twenty or so more years? I know it's good to have a job that pays well, has great benefits and gives me steady paycheck, but for some reason that's not enough to get me up every morning until retirement. I wonder if this is a phase that soon shall pass. Or, if my urge to quit my traditional job and freelance so I can have more time to make memories with my husband in our airstream is pulling at me for a reason. For those of you that went outside the box with your career, do you have any regrets?

I hear your dilemma. I am a CPA as well and am in the process of retiring at 62. I have never worked in government, but always thought those jobs would be mind numbing boring. My 2 cents, life is too short to stay in a job your are not enjoying. As a CPA, you have many options and will always be highly employable. You have many choices. Going out on your own isn't as scary as some have made it sound. I had my own firm for a while when our kids were little and I needed more time at home than the Big 6 CPA firm I was with allowed. You could work tax season for another CPA or pick up some books to keep for small businesses. It would be fairly easy to hone those skills with a CPE course if needed. You could move to industry at some point. I am CFO for a commercial real estate company and have loved that job. My point, you have a ton of choices. Recognize you have many options, but don't keep doing something that doesn't fill your soul. Life is far too short. Change is scary. Best of luck to you!

[Royce]

where would you rather they find the body, slumped over your desk or in the trees?

[rmkrum]

Nobody ever died wishing they spent more time at work...

My only issue is that since I retired, jobs keep finding me...

One of these days I need to actually retire, cut off email and phone, and relax. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the absolute fact that, push come to shove, I can walk away from my job and be perfectly happy.

It also helps that I can stand up to someone that thinks they are in charge, tell them exactly what I think, and make it stick--lack of fear of retaliation is a great thing...

[ijustlee]

All we really have is time, you should spend it doing something you enjoy. You need to make a change even if it's only changing your attitude about your job. You are wasting your life if you are not having fun at whatever you are doing! Just don't burn your bridges.

[kenfconnor]

No way to know what is the right decision for you but just wanted to share some perspective from my "advanced" years and work experience. Be sure to talk to many people within and outside of your work area and consider all the factors. Nothing wrong with stepping back and assessing as you are doing.

Background: I am in my late 50's, married for 35 years, 3 adult "kids"
Work history: first 2 years out of college (technical field) with a large corporation mostly in a career development program. Then 25+ years as a partner in an independent technical sales company (with 2 great partners). Most recently 2 stints over 9 years combined with medium sized private companies in sales/eng. mgt roles.

My feedback:
1) Having a good job and steady paycheck is something many people would kill to get so be careful before you make any changes. It is not always as easy as another pointed out. If you have been building up pension or other retirement program I would try to preserve/maximize that. You would then probably have plenty of time and financial security to go into another field.
2) I have both loved and hated my jobs multiple times in my career. If you are at a low point maybe you need to look internally to see if you can make some adjustments (also pointed out in a comment). Very few jobs really "change the world" in any single big way. If that is the only thing that will bring you satisfaction then the odds are stacked against you. Try to look for the little things. Example: could you mentor a younger employee, develop some community service projects, work on a political campaign or find some other way to satisfy that itch?
3) I hear people say they love to go to work and never felt they worked a day in their life but I bet even rock stars and actors have days where they probably would rather not get out of bed. That is life and I know I have been there in every job I have had. Sometimes you have to push through these cycles (and they can last months or even a year).
4) I have owned my own company (two different times/companies) and never worked harder. One paid off well but required a huge commitment and there were times the partners might go 3-4 months without taking any pay. Hours were very long, risk was high but it was rewarding both financially and from the challenge. Other time I lost a lot of money, invested 12-15 hours/day and it just about bankrupted me. For the last 9 years I have worked for 2 stable private companies. I get to work from a home office, reasonable time commit and lots of benefits and essentially no risk. Which of these multiple experiences was best?---I really cannot say. They were all different, taught me different things and were just what I did at that point in life. I am happy with all of them but not sure I would repeat either of the ownership roles. But none of us can see the future so you just make the best decision you can at the time and take it as it comes.
5) Is the job REALLY that bad that you would leave an potential lose the benefits and income for the family? Here is how I would approach that question (and you have to be very honest with yourself). I am assuming there is a need to bring in the income or the benefits. If not this would not apply:

If you were currently unemployed (and had been for a year or two) and had a good friend working your current position and they told you their job was going to be available next week AND they told you exactly what the job entailed (good and bad): WOULD YOU APPLY AND TAKE THE JOB?

So best of luck as you ponder this big question. It is a very personal decision and I bet no matter which path you take it will turn out just fine!

[banderabob]

Originally Posted by great2beadaw

I'm turning 40 next year. I am pausing to reflect on what that means. Does it mean that I really have to stay at this job which has no purpose for twenty or so more years? I know it's good to have a job that pays well, has great benefits and gives me steady paycheck, but for some reason that's not enough to get me up every morning until retirement. I wonder if this is a phase that soon shall pass. Or, if my urge to quit my traditional job and freelance so I can have more time to make memories with my husband in our airstream is pulling at me for a reason. For those of you that went outside the box with your career, do you have any regrets?

Wow, simply sounds like you need to get out of a job "that has no purpose for the next 20 years". Whether you spend more time streaming or at another job, be happy with what you do.

[OTRA15]

Originally Posted by great2beadaw

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.
. . .

The first of two favorite quotes about the paths we choose:

“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.

"This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

"Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.”

Carlos Castañeda, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge
(C) Copyright 1969 -- Regents of the University of California
(C) Copyright 1996 -- Carlos Castaneda

[OTRA15]

The second favorite quote:

“Once a journey is designed, equipped, and put in process, a new factor enters and takes over. A trip, a safari, an exploration, is an entity, different from all other journeys. It has personality, temperament, individuality, uniqueness. A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass-bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckage on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blown-in-the glass bum relax and go along with it. Only then do the frustrations fall away. In this a journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.”

(C) -- Copyright John Steinbeck -- Travels with Charley: In Search of America.


"A trip takes us . . . "


Safe home.

Peter

[DaveP]

"Two favorite quotes about the paths we choose:"

Very nice!!

[OTRA15]

Thirdly, give a listen to Susan Werner's song, May I Suggest.

[click on arrow in quote to hear her song on YouTube -- amazing lyrics IMO]

Originally Posted by OTRA15

As a new year kicks into gear, the time seems ripe for a new thread about the music that accompanies us On The Road Again . . .

But first comes . . . a new context . . .

This amazing song by Susan Werner appeared . . .
. . .

PS -- Thanks DaveP.

[MelGoddard]

Oh, I guess that I'll add my two cents worth, 'just because'.
Over the years, I've had a variety of jobs;
-Worked in a Machine shop as a teenager, [lost a finger there at age 15]
-R.C.A.F. as an Airframe Tech.,
-C.P.R., (as a yardman),
-Pitney Bowes as a serviceman,
-Ten Years of commission selling a number of items,
-Back to school to finish my education. (College),
-Years in the field as an A.M.E.,
-Twenty -five years at DeHavilland/Bombardier, as a 'Flt. Serv. Eng.
-Retired a age 62, with a small pension, and great benefits.

-At age 77, still living a decent life, keeping busy doing a lot of everything and nothing.

-Selling my A.S. 'cause the wife has 'drawn the line', after ten years+ of RVing. (And a few years hiking/backpacking.) and said 'Enough'. (She's older than I am)

All these years, I have mostly always been employed, (except two years of schooling); drawing a pay cheque to live on, and now have a small decent pension, as well as drawing on investments from over the years.
[Learned a lot about a lot of things.]

Is life good?? Yah! But health problems are slowing me down now. "BUGGER"!!

Would I have done things differently over the years? Absolutely!
But looking back over the years; I've led a challenging and interesting life; that others less fortunate might be jealous of.
And like many of YOU on this Forum; I can face my God, and say: "Here I am, I've done my Best, and done O.K."

[Lily&Me]

Originally Posted by great2beadaw

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I am a CPA and currently work in the federal government. I won't bore you all with the details of what makes the job soul crushing. I'll just say that I don't feel like I am making a difference or doing anything meaningful with my job. There are a lot of people just buying their time until retirement. I understand why... the benefits are great. It's never easy to leave a cushy job, but i have an awesome husband who will support me in whatever I want to do. If I go out on my own, I'll be doing accounting work for small businesses which I have done in the past while I worked for somebody else. I'll be starting from ground zero though. Leaving a six figure job to start at nothing is a mental hurdle I have to overcome. On the plus side, the airstream will get out of storage more and we could really see some amazing places next summer. You can't get time back, right? Thank you all again for giving me your perspective.

I agree with those who recommend you try to find a way to manage what crushes your soul at work...as losing the income, benefits, pension, etc., may crush you in other ways, long term, in which case by quitting you may cut off your nose to spite your face.

Hold yourself to a high standard of performance and compartmentalize that which is dragging you down.

Consider taking an early retirement when you are able, packing a reduced pension and benefits with you, then take on work at lower pay to fill your heart with what you are missing now.

Perhaps look into some volunteer work in the meantime to help fill your soul...there are undoubtedly many non profits and their clients that could use some donated hours from an experienced CPA.

Or, work at a soup kitchen, walk dogs at your local animal shelter, identify needs at entities that help others...then fill them.

Helping those less fortunate is good for the soul, and helps to mitigate against the damage from soul crushing whatevers.

All that said, I am not at all dismissing your angst...I worked for the State of Illinois for 25 years, and know what bureaucracies are made of and about.

It wasn’t the work that crushed the soul there...though difficult and demanding and requiring every ounce of skill and mental resource, it was immeasurably rewarding and fulfilling on many levels...it was the soul-less and amoral political bureaucracy. So, I understand.

Hanging in there til we were eligible for an early retirement, then getting the hell out, was one of the best decisions my husband and I made, as the older one gets the more important things like that health insurance become.

Only you really know your situation...maybe the money isn’t an issue, as you have a husband who is supportive, but what if something happens to him?

In the meantime, use your vacation time to get out and enjoy your Airstream.

Good luck,

Maggie

[OTRA15]

Originally Posted by Royce

where would you rather they find the body, slumped over your desk or in the trees?

Well said.

One is reminded of the thread here about the passing of idroba last year:

[click on arrow in quote to go to that thread]

Originally Posted by Plan-B

It's with great sorrow that I announce the passing of a great man and friend, Rob Allen, known on the AirForum as 'IDROBA'. With Rob's thousands of contributions and years of service to so many on the forum, I am just one of a few that has grown from his assistance, his passion and love in helping others with his insight and intelligence. Never arrogant, never argumentative, always caring and a lending hand.

Fortunately, there was no pain in his passing and he left us next to his Airstream on the river he called home in Idaho, the Selway.

Rob was a retired professor of Architectural Power Systems. He shared his knowledge to thousands of people. But his love of power was mostly expressed with his use and design of solar. He gave his time freely to AirForum members, individual home owners, businesses and government agencies.

Most importantly, I can't say in my 62 years have I ever met a kinder and more giving person. I as many of you will too, miss him so dearly.

Rob had no living family and his services will be with a few friends spreading his ashes onto the great Selway River, where he felt complete.

Good bye my friend, from all of us.

[m.hony]

The “purpose” for me is to eat and pay life gets-
Survival-
I’ll retire first chance I get.
In the meantime, my days really revolve around work, but what life holds for me after 5- yard work, car maintenance, church, family, concerts, camping...
Those are the things I look forward to.
Those are the things that keep me going.
This job is necessary to take care of myself and my family.
Gotta work somewhere.
Been here 18 years.
Too old to start over in an unknown/unfamiliar setting.
What’s even bigger than the paycheck?
Retirement, insurance, vacation, uniforms, gas card...

[cwf]

"She who hesitates is lost."... ok, did I just incorrectly rip off Shakespeare? My apologies..

Don't hesitate evaluation of hesitation.
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/hesitation

At 37.5 years and many "jobs" within a blue striped corporate entity, I had a TBI accident at my residence leaving me unable to perform my current duties. There were other options I was declined to perform so was "out of a job", saying "isn't it time you retire? After all, you no longer have a job."

So, it is better for u to choose than them.