BMW has commonly listed two sets of pressures (for each available tire size), relating to up to four passengers, and the other at max load (five or 7 passengers plus luggage). They have also commonly listed two sets of pressures for the above load conditions, based on up to 100 mph and sustained driving over 100 mph (autobahn influence). Make sure you are using the lower speed set of numbers.
I wouldn't go any higher pressure than the full load figures.
My last X5 had 32/32 listed for up to 4 passengers, and 32/39 (F/R) listed for max load, both for driving at up to 100 mph. I never put more than 35 psi in the rears even fully loaded, and 32 the rest of the time, and had excellent tire life and very even wear. If I did use the 41 psi your vehicle lists, I would be keeping an eye on the rear tires for wear in the centre of the tread.