Camping in Bear country

[Lily&Me]

You guys are just tooooooo much.

All you need is just the slightest bit of encouragement.



Maggie

[Gene]

I think a cat watches you wishing he were bigger so he could eat you. A cat is smart enough to want fine wine or whiskey. Bears are better friends because they will eat anything you have. They don't make those awful noises some cats do and don't want you to open the door for them every 5 minutes. Bear open doors themselves.

Bears do not require chairs and can sit where ever they want. When they get drunk, they might enjoy destroying chairs—they are a lot like college students in that way. Give them more beer or a controlled substance that mellows them out. Ask the college students for the controlled substance.

We don't bring my mother-in-law with us as my wife would give her the bed and I would end up on the floor. Fortunately my mother-in-law prefers motels and hotels. She would gladly give up her seat to a bear.

The species Motorhomo Sapiens does not like to actually leave home. They encase themselves in an exoskeleton that contains multiple TV's and large refrigerators and generators. They have trouble distinguishing between a TV on the Travel Channel and a windshield. They believe travel is good for the kids and so they cautiously venture forth, but only exit the exoskeleton at fuel stops and Walmarts. The kids have DVD's and never leave either. Offer them a DVD of bear attacks when in places like Chaco where there are no actual bears; they won't know that and may leave soon.

Gene

[slowmover]

Camp exclusively with Lawchick. Only person I ever heard of that uses a .416 Rigby sidelock double rifle as a snake gun. With your newly acquired snake rattler to hand, sound it hard and throw it towards any bear showing animosity. Problem solved.

[mojo]

Here is a character out the Airstream door begging for a 6-pak.
Please don't offer them bottled beer as the caps are bad for their teeth. They love to crush aluminum cans and let the foam run down their throats after noshing on tent campers.

[EricktheSOB]

I think Maggie is right... all we need is the slightest encouragement. So if you all BEAR with me... I think this may explain the Loch Ness Monster; as well as the Monster of Navajo Reservoir. This bear has an ear tag that shows the State of New Mexico has captured her multiple times. Her last release was near Gallup. 230+ miles from where this picture was taken. The full story was in the Durango Herald last year. So i guess the point is, that if they associate a nice silver palace with good food and good beer.. they could conceivably follow you home...

Therefore, do not feed them FROM the AS, Avion, SS or Streamline. Make sure they associate the fiberglass monstrosities with dinner. Remember when taking the silver sausage out boondock to pack the BEAR essentials, especially a loaded camera... or whatever we call it now that we stick a chip in to record the picture.


Perhaps it is time to start a "Bear Encounters" thread... That could include Cougars (feline and otherwise), Bears, Weasels, Opossums, Rats, bats, ignorant tourists, and nudists..

[EricktheSOB]

Here it is!

[Nuvite-F]

Originally Posted by CrawfordGene

Bears do not require chairs and can sit where ever they want. When they get drunk, they might enjoy destroying chairs—they are a lot like college students in that way. Give them more beer or a controlled substance that mellows them out. Ask the college students for the controlled substance.

This gives a whole new meaning to "Smoky the bear". . .
.

[Getaways]

After some very careful thought, why not pack a costume like one worn by one of the "troopers" in the movie "Super Troopers"? Might scare off people from camping too near you. And maybe give any local bears cause to give you a wide right of way!

[danlehosky]

Have any of you heardof the new bear repellent product called BURINE?

[Gene]

Originally Posted by danlehosky

Have any of you heardof the new bear repellent product called BURINE?

No. Tell us more. Does it help with dry or itchy eyes too?

Gene

[EricktheSOB]

I think it is probably the product of a Bear Farm (Like an elk ranch, but with comfier beds). Microbrews and chocolate covered ants are the featured menu items....

If somebody is adventurous, one should try this product out and visit a "Bear Bar" and see what kind of effect it has.....

BTW ever hear of the 70's Smokey the Bear poster submission, back when Smoky had two kids and Blondie Bear for wife? The kids are at the beach playing, smokey is wearing cut off wrangler shorts taking care of a campfire while Blondie is sun-tanning in a bikini with three tops...

[ROBERT CROSS]

B-URINE...from incontinent old bears.

BTW.. Smokey doesn't have a middle name.

Bob

[EricktheSOB]

Bob, you are right. Officially he is "Smokey Bear". The childrens books and song added a "the" as it give it better rhythm. Of all the critters in the woods, im sure if you bought him a beer, Smokey wouldnt mind - hes probly the only one that would knock back a cold one after a hot day on the line.

Once upon a time i was a young, newly hatched forestry worker, when the world was younger and people still could smoke and occasionally drink at work, one crusty old timber beast (aka forester) when asked about how to deal with a cigarette to make sure it didnt start a fire, replied: "Smokey says, just piss on it!" So apparantly BURINE is also a fire repellant too....

somehow i cant see Woodsy Owl doing that...

[Nuvite-F]

Originally Posted by CrawfordGene

No. Tell us more. Does it help with dry or itchy eyes too?

That's kinda what I thought, too. How about Bear-B-Gone?

.

[danlehosky]

I never thought this would go so far. Imagine I may be able to stretch my retirement income. I would like to stay out of production and concentrate on product development.
So far.

BURINE- Proteection you can count on. For bear country.
MURINE- I think this one may be taken, but this is for Moose country
SURINE- Be sure in that pesky snake country.
DURINE- Keep the deer away from you and your garde.

All of these products are soon to be available for purchase over the internet.
Come on you production guys get me some product..

Dan
CEO Pure Protection Producrs LLC.

[danlehosky]

Thats Pure Protection Products BTW. My BIL is filing with the SEC on Friday. This IPO will be available sometime after April 30th and will be by invitation only. Stock price at IPO not yet decided. We will determine price according to interest. Don't miss out!!!!!!!

[Gene]

Now that regulations on small IPO's have disappeared and transparency is a faint memory (the misnamed JOBS bill), we can solicit money, tell the investors nothing except it is a good idea, and get to work on product development in our Airstreams at RV resorts. We need corporate jets too to fly us around while our staff flies our Airstreams on cargo planes. None of those dirty, crowded interstates for us.

Gene

[danlehosky]

I agree, you do the prospectus and I'll handle sales. This type of business really lends itself to franchise opportunities. I'll get busy on that as well. I like the private jets, nothing fancy, maybe Lears to start out. Gene, you can be CFO and operations mgr. I just want to fly around the country. Between stock options and franchise fees this will be a gold mine
Dan

[Nuvite-F]

Originally Posted by danlehosky

DURINE- Keep the deer away from you and your garden.

Maybe one of the deer hunters out there can tell me for sure, but doesn't somebody sell doe urine to attract bucks?

This would have implications for the urine-based animal-repellent business. I'm not sure being chased by a horny grizzly bear is much better than being chased by an angry one. . .
.

[danlehosky]

In that situation it wouldn't matter much whether he was horny or angry. Both would be bad. We may have to develop a specialty product line for such situations.
Dan