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Old 12-20-2014, 12:59 AM   #57
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Feeling blank or depressed on the first Christmas is 100% normal. In fact, you'll gradually get better until the 1 year mark, then go through about 2-3 more months of whacked along side the head grief all over again.

At that point you move forward into your new reality.
Just get through this one. Keep breathing. Donate time or gifts to kids with cancer or in a burn ward - it'll help you remember that you're NOT alone.

Also, spend a little time on yourself, putter on the Airstream, or buy a great pair of super comfortable merino wool socks, or maybe a cashmere knit cap that will really keep your ears warm. Just keep on - it does take more than six months. You're on the path. One step at a time.

Paula
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:35 AM   #58
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Dave,

Once again, Paula is right. We can wish you a Merry Christmas, but recognize it will not be as Merry as you'd want. I repeat, you are NOT alone and you WILL step through this season, one day at a time. You said a while back, that we should each cherish the time we have with each other, and that's a lesson I hope we all practice this holiday season. Thank you for that inspiration.

Best wishes for the holidays,

Roy and Marie
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Old 12-20-2014, 10:38 AM   #59
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@masseyfarm

What wonderful suggestions from the folks who love you..... Your thread on Airforums has been helpful to many. Thank you.

And, your own signature says it all:

"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." William Feather

There are many who have lost a loved one. We are all with you in our hearts. Believe....
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Old 12-20-2014, 05:20 PM   #60
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Memories last for a while, then one day you notice you haven't been dwelling on them for a while. It takes 6-18 months for most everyone but eventually you'll be ok. Memories will be available, but you'll remember them with fondness and go on. The tenor of your posts has been getting lighter, you are progressing. Only robots don't feel.

Gene
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Old 12-20-2014, 10:11 PM   #61
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Thanks again everyone for your support.

Being Saturday night, and the hockey game is not that interesting, I thought I might add a short story from away back when, for your entertainment.

Some of you, who live in the NW may remember the how great life was back in 1969. Things were booming in the NW.

Way back, when I was chasing Heather in 1969, I took my 67 Firebird to Vancouver, after I got off work Saturday, to spend the weekend with her. I think this was the last weekend in June, and Heather was staying at her Uncle Jacks out in Langley. I got a hotel room at the Langley Hotel for the next couple nights. Heather and I went out for supper and to a club (the Cave?) down on Georgia Ave that night, and danced a bit to some rock and roll band that was there. The place was packed, and so loud, we could not even talk. I took her back to Uncle Jacks early in the morning and, yes went to the hotel room alone.

I picked Heather up again, Sunday about noon, and we spent the day goofing around and, late afternoon, we decided to go across the border to Bill's Tavern in Blaine, WA., a dining lounge/pub there for supper and dancing. This is Sunday night and a big crowd is here (many Canadians), as a female, country band is the headliner that night.

(I don't remember for sure who it was but she was a big star in later years as Heather talked about it on occasion. May have been Loretta Lynn?)

We had supper at the pub and the show started and we danced, and danced. Heather loved to dance, and I managed to only step on her toes a few times that night.

I remember as the evening passed, the female singer sang this song from a female viewpoint, and I think it was that dance that convinced me that I was on the inside track in this relationship.

Heather had to work the next day and I was late, late getting her home that night.

I am sure her Aunt Gerry and Uncle Jack were happy when she moved into an apartment the next week.

Oh, how all these old memories now bring tears.
Dave

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Old 12-27-2014, 08:01 PM   #62
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We are almost at the end of this long year and I thank all who have followed along on this heartbreaking journey with Heather and I. It has been a very difficult year.

That said, the opportunity to gather some of this information in written form has allowed me even more, to appreciate this beautiful woman I had known for more than 47 years. She was indeed, someone "SPECIAL, and I am so thankful that I was able to be a part of her life.

This photo below was taken on Calyee's 9th birthday, in November, just last year.

LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience.

I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: "WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW".

Dave
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"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
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Old 01-23-2015, 11:31 PM   #63
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The new year brings new challenges. Without a navigator, I have had to reinstall my drivers display for Streets and Trips which I had roughed in 3 or 4 years ago and never needed to use it.
Now I am ready to tackle the big cities again with just me and my Australian 'SHEELA' giving directions. I have to be careful as sometiimes 'SHEELA' gets confused and thinks I can make a UTURN with the CLIPPER just anyplace?

I am disappointed that Microsoft has discontinued the Streets and Trips. I took me 7 years to really understand it, and now its gone.

Dave
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"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
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Old 01-24-2015, 10:45 AM   #64
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Maybe in Australia it is ok to make a U turn by driving up on the sidewalk.

Gene
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Old 05-26-2015, 12:22 PM   #65
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"Flashbacks" are not a new phenomenon, but I seem to be experiencing more of these over the last 11+ months.

It will happen at any time. Making breakfast, showering, taking the garbage out, cutting the grass, just anytime. It is like my memory bank has gone through the shredder and I get to view little bits of information, but I am not able to put each piece together to form a complete story. Sometimes these flash visions are so real and distracting, I have trouble proceeding to accomplish what needs to be done.

I don't remember having this phenomenon in my earlier life. I would think that is because we are still making new memories and moving forward with new challenges every day. But now that I am alone, the scattered review process seems to be in full operating stage.

I find it strange that I don't get these same real life flashes at night in my dreams. Usually my dreams are somewhat upsetting, disaster type, that wake me with a start, destroying my rest, and results with me drinking too much coffee early in the morning.

Voices, not so much. However, just a couple days ago, I was walking to the back garage tent for the tractor, and I heard my name called and answered "YES", as I turned around to see who it was. I could not believe there was no one there. I walked back to the yard to see if someone had gone to the door of the house. Nothing. I now head back down to the rear garage tent and am called again, just as I get to the back of the garage. I stop and look. NOTHING. I am puzzled. I walk around the back of the truck, and three deer jump up and startle me for a moment. They are so cute, almost like my personal pets. (they lay in the shade under the truck box in the sand)

As I walk around my line up of collector Massey tractors, I again hear my name called. I stop and look. NOTHING. I just stand there trying to figure this out.

AGAIN I HEAR MY NAME! It is coming from the other side of the garage now. I walk quietly over there and look.

Laying in the sand pile now, soaking up the sun in front of the garage doors is a young BUCK, and as I am watching, he coughs. I can not believe how this sounds to me like my NAME being quietly called. I shake my head and make a vow to myself to try to wear my hearing aids more.
-------------------------------------
Heather would be 67 today. I don't have any new photos that I can post, but those memories of her birthdays are many.
Her first birthday that I remember, was in 1967 when we were in class at the old Courtenay High School. Following is a clip from my notes of that period.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Week of May 22 1967
Over this next short week at school, I am busy with the buses and extra evening sports runs. This last few weeks I have been having long talks with Heather about everything from cooking to religion. I don't think there was any subject that we really did not have basically, the same thoughts on. Heather tells me on Friday that today is her Birthday. I assume it is #17 but am surprised when she tells me she will turn 19. She looks so young with her natural smooth skin and never any makeup on. Some of the other girls try to look older, but Heather just has that natural glow that she seems so comfortable and self confident with.
I ask her what she is going to do for the weekend and she tells me John is home from UVIC and picking her up. I loose interest at this point and do not see her again until the next week.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over my life I don't think anyone, and especially Heather, would have ever called me a romantic person. When I look back, maybe I was just trying to protect myself from the extreme highs and the devastating lows, that many people experience. I just tried to keep my life within the boundaries that I was comfortable with. I am now maybe regretting that, as I look back on some of the great experiences we shared over 45 years.

Birthdays and Christmas were celebrations that Heather lived for and, only now that she is gone, do I realize how much more I could have contributed to those occasions to make them truly, life long memory events.

I probably am not going to get much accomplished today again, but at least the tear ducts have been emptied early.

It is camping season once again, and now it the time to get out there and fully embrace life. That includes your loved ones, even on those days when things are not going so smoothly. These memories you make today, will be with you forever. Make sure they are pleasant memories!

Always on my mind and loved forever.

Dave
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"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
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Old 05-26-2015, 01:00 PM   #66
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Dave, the depth of your love for your wife is absolutely beautiful. I sincerely wish you the best and hope that with time you find the space to celebrate that love. Your love for her is alive and strong in you, it will be forever. All the best.

Mike
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Old 05-28-2015, 12:04 PM   #67
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I am sure Heather knew you loved her even if you didn't always express yourself as well as you now wish. Going back and looking at your life again so to better understand who you are now and who you were seems normal to me as part of the growing thinking people experience throughout their lives. It is easy to criticize your past actions, but it does no good as we all do the best we can and later learn from our mistakes. Mistakes are normal as much as we would rather not make them.

There are and will be dates that remind you of the past and bring forward the grief to our consciousness. It is not any fun, but what we do as humans. From reading your posts over this period of time, your progress through the grief progress seems pretty much what happens and you seem to be doing better and better.

I hear it has been pretty dry there this year (it has been rainy here for weeks and we desert dwellers can stand it) and there should be plenty of opportunities to enjoy yourself and your Airstream. Travel will not be the same, but you can do it and find your new place in the world.

I don't doubt you have the courage to move forward even if there is pain involved.

Gene
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Old 06-13-2015, 09:03 AM   #68
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Today marks one year GONE, for MY HEATHER!

Teardrops have flowed at some time most days now for many months, and this day will be hard.

My family and I walked for 'Relay for Life' last night to support those who are, and still will have to, battle CANCER in their life and also of course, to remember those loved ones that have been fallen by this dreadful disease.

This clip shows some of Heather's life and how I have felt over the last year.

https://youtu.be/0mNor4oAnWo

Dave
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