Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 07-02-2014, 01:11 AM   #29
65th Anniversary CLIPPER
 
masseyfarm's Avatar

 
1996 36' Clipper Bus
Tub City , British Columbia
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,271
Images: 55
Thanks again everyone for your thoughts on what is happening.
I put together some of my own thoughts and would like to share.

As my Best Friend and Loving Spouse of 44 years "HEATHER" approached the end of her life, the emotions erupted from within the deepest regions of my hurting sole. Family loved ones and close friends have departed from my life before, but I suspected that this loss was going to be much different.

That "Good Friday" April 18th, in the evening when Dr. Bekker gave us the bad news, my ability to grasp the total devastation that was about to unfold over the next 56 days of our lives was understated to say the least. We all knew it was serious, but nothing happens quickly so we thought we had lots of time to still do all those little things that we would now prioritize so we would have great memories forever.

When Heather and I were married back in November of 1969, the "TILL DEATH DO US PART" segment of the ceremony was just a phrase that you hear on these occasions. Heather was 5 years my junior, and the thought never really occurred to me that this tragedy, that was happening now real time, would be something that we would ever have to deal with until much later in our lives. Being older, my MASTER PLAN was to have my affairs in order so that my beloved Heather would be well setup when I was gone.(That was a plan that was ongoing and I thought probably needed not to be finalized for many more years as life was wonderful. What could go wrong?)

As it became more obvious as the final days approached with Heather in Palliative Care, I still wanted to remain optimistic that she would have some type of miraculous rebound and she would be able to come home again, to do so many more of the things on our bucket list that were previously planned. I did not do many of the simple things in preparation of the final act as I considered those changes to be negative, and possibly jeopardize Heathers recovery. I also wanted to spend every available second I could with her for her comfort and mine.

As a boy, a young man, and then, a married man, I don't ever remember shedding tears until that day in early 1985 when we had a burial ceremony at the back of our property to say goodbye to Heather's long time companion, her Himalayan cat BUPPA. Again, in 1989 when we buried our first dog "BRANDY" that had been with Heather and I since we moved to the home property with our new baby girl in 1975. Heather, Andrea, and I again shed tears over the loss of one on our family. That movie has been re-played over the years with the loss of many pets that became part of the everyday family., The full extent of what was to come with this present struggle could not even register on the same scale as what I was expecting.

Early on in this 56 day journey, there seemed to be hope. Heather was home and had one of her best days the Friday, May 16th, that she completed her first steroid medications. About this time we thought Heather might be able to receive further treatment for this dreadful disease. Andréa signed up TEAM HEATHER for the RELAY FOR LIFE on Friday, June 13th, and everyone was looking for the latest treatments that have had success on the different cancers. Sadly Heather did not live to see the completed efforts of TEAM HEATHER as she lost her struggle that evening at 10PM. TEAM HEATHER completed the task in memory with the raising of $2400.00 to help find a cure for this devastating disease.

Heather had wanted to go to an the Adam Lambert concert ever since she had seen him on American Idol. She bought all his music, and followed his tours world wide on the web. When the Canadian Tour with Queen was announced, she asked Andréa to help her make sure they got tickets when they first went online. YES, they got the tickets and she was so happy she was going to see Adam Lambert live in Vancouver. Her love of his music does not have to be explained to her friends here. It was total admiration for this entertainers talent and popularity against heavy odds. I accepted the fact that Heather had another man in her life and desperately wanted her to have this opportunity to attend this world class concert. Heather died on the same day as RELAY FOR LIFE, and just 15 days before her long wanted Adam Lambert Concert played in Vancouver.


Heather was my encyclopedia. She had a memory that stretched far beyond my personal capabilities. I learned to depend on her memory for information about family, friends, inventory, and even finance. She remembered all the detail and most of the dates. She even remembered all those instances that I wished she would forget. (like the time in 1970 that Bobby Grainger and I went to Quyon Quebec on the last Sat. night before our train left to return us home from Heathers first visit to the Ontario farm and extended family.)

Heather was reading an older book, "THE OTHER SIDE AND BACK" by Sylvia Brown. She gives a Psychic's Guide to "Our World and Beyond". I started to read this and it is hard. Everything I remember of Heather I see on every page of this book. Her references to "The Feather" that floated out of the sky to her after her MOM died, and so many other little bits of her beliefs, are detailed page after page in this book. I am not sure I can continue to read it at this time.

Heather was my life, my love and my wife. I will forever miss her kisses, her touches, her argumentative discussions on many controversial subjects, and her love of all living creatures.
Apart from my pain of personal loss, I also feel for what Heather has lost, and for what others in our family and friends have lost in the contact with Heather over the years going forward.

There has not been one day since April 18th that I have not shed tears. I will love her forever.

Dave
__________________

__________________
"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
David Stewart. (after loosing my NAVIGATOR)
masseyfarm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2014, 05:26 AM   #30
Rivet Master
 
SteveSueMac's Avatar

 
2012 27' Flying Cloud
W , New England
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,410
Dave - thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm so sorry for your loss and the sense of being lost. I hope happy memories are some comfort to you as you grieve.
__________________

__________________
SteveSueMac is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2014, 02:22 PM   #31
Rivet Master
 
Fly at Night's Avatar
 
2010 27' FB Flying Cloud
Fraser Valley , British Columbia
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,693
Images: 10
What a love story.

You are fortunate. You may not think so now -
but you truly are.
__________________
easily distracted by shiny objects
Fly at Night is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2014, 11:47 PM   #32
65th Anniversary CLIPPER
 
masseyfarm's Avatar

 
1996 36' Clipper Bus
Tub City , British Columbia
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,271
Images: 55
Thanks again Carla. If you do facebook, Heather Stewart, Nanaimo, GP Vanier High School. I started her facebook April 30th and did a daily update on her condition and photos. It is public. Now well over 100 photos of Heather and her family and friends. I am still crying everyday at some point. The loss is ongoing.

Took the CLIPPER to the ALERNI VALLEY on Thursday, just to get away from home. Lonely ride all alone, but some enjoyment in getting, once again, on the road. I wanted to test my new DVR that I purchased before this bad news. We were to be in Legal, Alberta, for a good old time prairie party tonight and tomorrow night. I could not go without her.

Dave

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fly at Night View Post
What a love story.

You are fortunate. You may not think so now -
but you truly are.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	2009 from Heathers laptop 4203_edit2.jpg
Views:	87
Size:	119.0 KB
ID:	215704  
__________________
"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
David Stewart. (after loosing my NAVIGATOR)
masseyfarm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2014, 11:30 AM   #33
Rivet Master
 
Gene's Avatar
 
2008 25' Safari FB SE
Grand Junction , Colorado
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 10,840
The Alberni area is beautiful. You may not get to Alberta, but Vancouver Island is such a peaceful place that exploring it this summer may be the healing you need.

Gene
__________________
Gene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2014, 12:08 PM   #34
Rivet Master
 
Currently Looking...
Nowhere , Somewhere
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,417
Blog Entries: 2
There are no words that I can say, peace. Jim
__________________
avionstream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2014, 11:20 AM   #35
65th Anniversary CLIPPER
 
masseyfarm's Avatar

 
1996 36' Clipper Bus
Tub City , British Columbia
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,271
Images: 55
Three Months

Got motivated to take the CLIPPER to the west coast of the Island to get away and try to enjoy some of this great weather we are having. I had never been to this particular area before and really enjoyed getting away from all the burden that has been heaped upon my life this year.



It's been three long months now since the passing of my Heather on Friday, June 13. The time has just dragged on, and tears still flow every day, as I continue to try to accept the fact that this is final. It is hard. It is dark. It is empty. It is knowing that I can never again have that feeling of "being together" with her that we took for granted for so many years. I have not accomplished much over the last three months and now the dusk of fall is upon us and the damp bitterness of winter is just over the hill.

I miss her so much. I feel I am being punished for some sin I cannot identify. The roadmap on how to move forward with life seems to be missing a page. I can truly say I am lost, at this point in my journey, as I search for my new route plan. Moving on was never anticipated to be this difficult.

Heather left so many indicators of our love in every drawer and corner of our home. With pictures, videos, cards and letters, it is almost impossible not to be moved emotionally on every new discovery that triggers those memories of good times past. As I sort through her personal stuff, I am trying to record, and make some notes, as to why some of these particular items were important to Heather and I and were not discarded.

Heather's love for her MOTHER was so pronounced as I continue to review her life. She shared that love with our Daughter, her extended family, and everyone else she met over a life that was just too short. But as I dig through her stuff, and look back, I now realize how much she also loved me and how I may have, at different times, let her down by not recognizing that fact. Some times were rough but, over the long run, our love for each other outlasted any short interval of conflict, that we sometimes stumbled upon over some misunderstanding of our desires of the moment. After spending this last three months trying to analyze where we travelled on life's road, I only wish I would have had this same knowledge a few years ago. I can now only imagine how much richer our final years could have been.

Sleep does not come easy as all these thoughts and memories are constantly being re-circulated night after night. I thought the pressure might ease up bit once Heather's grave marker was placed, but that has not happened. I stood outside for the last couple hours watching the stars in a clear sky, searching for some clues to the many questions I still need answered. The sky was clear but the answers are hidden within the Milky Way.

Dave
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	05_26_15(1)_edit.JPEG
Views:	87
Size:	53.8 KB
ID:	221819   Click image for larger version

Name:	1972 Heather.jpg
Views:	87
Size:	339.6 KB
ID:	221820  

Click image for larger version

Name:	1976 May 01  Harolds wedding.jpg
Views:	75
Size:	35.7 KB
ID:	221821  
__________________
"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
David Stewart. (after loosing my NAVIGATOR)
masseyfarm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2014, 08:57 AM   #36
3 Rivet Member
 
2008 27' Safari FB SE
Pfafftown , North Carolina
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 122
Dave,

Beautiful sentiment about your beloved Heather. Thank you for sharing.

Susan
__________________
sunnygirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2014, 01:35 PM   #37
Rivet Master
 
Gene's Avatar
 
2008 25' Safari FB SE
Grand Junction , Colorado
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 10,840
I've been thinking about you and would've sent you a PM if I weren't wrapped up in my own life (lousy excuse, but it's all I've got).

Your message is beautiful. Time will heal a lot of this, and it always takes longer than we want, but you will feel better. Maybe you should read all of Maggie's thread on how she is moving forward: http://www.airforums.com/forums/f161...fe-117599.html

Gene
__________________
Gene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2014, 04:09 PM   #38
Rivet Master
 
64airstream's Avatar

 
1964 22' Safari
1968 26' Overlander
Beaver County , Pennsylvania
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 585
Dave,

I wish I had the vocabulary to ease your pain. Unfortunately, my words fail to do justice to your loss. Each day you find more reason to mourn and more reason to love Heather more dearly. I believe that through these discoveries, you ARE finding your path. As you have indicated, our path in life is not always easy or straightforward and you’ve graciously shared those deep feelings with us. I applaud your recent trip into the fresh air and beautiful weather and hope you can make Airstream journeys a new and enjoyable habit all over again. Although, I recognize it will be different.

In your words is true wisdom for each of us. You wished you would have more clearly had the knowledge of Heather’s sincere love for you a few years ago. I think, on occasion, we each stumble over misunderstandings of our desires of the moment with our loved ones. Your message is that in the big picture, on the long journey, these little things are really just little things. Your words tell me, we need to make each day richer and fuller than yesterday. We need to focus on enjoying the journey. I’m guessing Heather would say the same is true for you. In her special way, that only you know so well, she’d say that you deserve to make each day richer, too.

Thank you for your willingness to share and I hope sharing helps to ease your pain, at least in some small way.

Sincerely,

Roy
__________________
64airstream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2014, 12:15 PM   #39
65th Anniversary CLIPPER
 
masseyfarm's Avatar

 
1996 36' Clipper Bus
Tub City , British Columbia
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,271
Images: 55
My recent trip to the West Coast was not without the usual over-the-road surprises. https://maps.google.ca/maps?biw=1137...ed=0CCIQ-A8wAA

As we approached Port Renfrew, from Meshachie Lake, there is a severe rough spot on the pavement that is not marked and tends to be hidden in the shadows of the mid-day sun. This depression was so pronounced that it managed to destroy my right rear Neway Air Suspension level control valve on the Clipper. The valve was not repairable on the road, so I manually added some air to the bag and carried on. Repeated the air touch up and made it back home to my shop. New valve and control arm $113.00 and readjusted the suspension height, and the Clipper is ready to roll again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks again everyone for you support and kind words of encouragement to carry on. There is no doubt that I am at a major crossroad in my life here and I am having real difficulty with it.

I find as long as I am doing other tasks that demand my attention to detail I am functioning pretty good, but as soon as I return to our home, or to our CLIPPER, the memories are over whelming. It is hard to relax or rest without the constant visions of MY Heather flashing within. I miss her!

One of my tasks, when Heather was ill, was to communicate daily updates to the family on her condition. I found this very time consuming and I turned to Facebook, as many of her friends and family were already members. I opened an account in Heather's name and this, only having to post the information once for everyone to see, gave me much more of that precious time to spend with MY Heather.

After she passed away I thought I would like to gather some highlights and photos of her life and have them all in one place. This was for my memories and for the extended family, to have easy access to, now and in the future. I again choose FB for this media as I had already recorded the last 45 days of her journey to that media. There are now over 500 photos of My Heather on the FB site and I am still finding more as I search through her belongings. I am not sure whether this is helping me move forward as it is a deep emotional journey as I gather these photos of past years into the albums. It takes some time as I try to organize the records for presentation so that My Heather's life might be better understood by those who may look at this in the future.

I think, once I have this project done, I might be able to climb the next hill to see what life brings on the other side.

Once again, thanks
Dave
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	2011-5-12 Heathers Nanaimo 055.JPG
Views:	72
Size:	82.0 KB
ID:	222458  
__________________
"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
David Stewart. (after loosing my NAVIGATOR)
masseyfarm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2014, 06:31 PM   #40
Rivet Master
 
Gene's Avatar
 
2008 25' Safari FB SE
Grand Junction , Colorado
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 10,840
Dave,

Sounds like you are reviewing your life with her and getting it all into one manageable package of memories. Whenever a big event occurs in my life, every telling of the story is shorter, thus easier to remember and to understand what it meant.

Gene
__________________
Gene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2014, 08:55 PM   #41
65th Anniversary CLIPPER
 
masseyfarm's Avatar

 
1996 36' Clipper Bus
Tub City , British Columbia
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,271
Images: 55
I'm just afraid Gene that I won't remember all the good times as there were many. I am so grateful that we did take a few pictures over the years, and her Dad had a good quality camera from the mid 60's and later that recorded many of the family gatherings and events.

I have found, from our own travel experience, that we take many photos of the location we are visiting that do not include our travelling partner. I remind everyone, the picture you take will be the same image as a thousand other people have taken , unless you have your loved one in that picture, and then it is unique to you and yours forever.

Dave

Heather at the head of navigation on the Mighty Fraser River in British Columbia. Photo take near Tete Jaune Cache, BC.
http://goo.gl/maps/NzClW
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_0024 6 96 Frsaser River.jpg
Views:	85
Size:	212.8 KB
ID:	222589  
__________________
"LOVE and LOSS, are two of the greatest emotions one can experience. -- I went to school to learn about "WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN" but I had to live my life to learn the lesson of: 'WITH LOVE THERE WILL BE SORROW'."
David Stewart. (after loosing my NAVIGATOR)
masseyfarm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2014, 09:10 PM   #42
Rivet Master
 
SteveSueMac's Avatar

 
2012 27' Flying Cloud
W , New England
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,410
Excellent advice about the pictures, Dave. Thanks and be well.
__________________

__________________
SteveSueMac is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
towing mirrors for 04 navigator gmwelder86 Tow Vehicles 3 04-25-2010 09:03 AM
Towing capacity of the Lincoln Navigator Husker Dave Member Introductions 12 02-27-2009 10:05 PM
Towing an Overlander with a Lincoln Navigator Director Tow Vehicles 7 10-28-2007 11:34 PM
Which Airstream for Lincoln Navigator? TitusLivy Tow Vehicles 29 03-12-2007 04:25 AM
How much can I safely tow with my 99 Lincoln Navigator? tslanier Tow Vehicles 9 11-06-2005 07:14 PM


Virginia Campgrounds

Reviews provided by




Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:05 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Airstream is a registered trademark of Airstream Inc. All rights reserved. Airstream trademark used under license to Social Knowledge LLC.