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Old 02-01-2010, 04:09 PM   #1
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How to give your pet a pill

How to give a pet a pill


Cats


Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of catís mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub catís throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouseís forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighborís shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
Tie the little bastardís front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for SPCA to come collect this mutant cat from hell and call the local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
Accidentally drop pill on floor. Watch cat pounce on the pill and devour it.


Dogs
Wrap it in bacon.
Toss it in the air.
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Old 02-01-2010, 04:25 PM   #2
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Sounds like a been there, done that story. Thanks for my daily chuckle. Susan
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Old 02-01-2010, 04:32 PM   #3
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(I started with one but got an error message saying "The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 3 characters.")

As I think about it more, it deserves the three .



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Old 02-01-2010, 05:07 PM   #4
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Always good for a laugh, seems as if each version is rewritten a bit, funnier than the last.
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Old 02-01-2010, 05:17 PM   #5
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Rates right up there with the "Hey I Think I'll Give The Cat a Bath" idea.

Thanks for the laugh

Kevin
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Old 02-01-2010, 06:26 PM   #6
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I see what you're up to.

Bring it on.
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Old 02-01-2010, 06:27 PM   #7
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Too funny, and unfortunately sometimes true! Now they make these soft greenie treats that have a hole in the center where you can hide the pill. Most cats love them and eat them with no problems. However there are some cats out there that would rather die (and take you with them) then ingest a pill.
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:09 PM   #8
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Thanks Bob. Sounds familiar.

Now could you instruct us how to get cat in a cage to take to vet?

Gene
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:15 PM   #9
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This is why I have Labs. They'll eat anything.
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:26 PM   #10
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Actually went through that today along with 130 dollar vet bill. Love my cats!
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:14 PM   #11
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Thanks Bob. Sounds familiar.

Now could you instruct us how to get cat in a cage to take to vet?

Gene
You'll think I'm making this up, but we had a cat once that we had to give a sedative to take her to the Vet. She would freak out around around all of those other animals. First, repeat post one above to get the sedative into the cat, then put cat in cage, then take cat to Vet. This was usually a process that Susan had to handle on her own. I was "normally" at work when the Vet visits came along, thank the Good Lord.

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Old 02-01-2010, 08:38 PM   #12
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We had 2 labs over our more than 30 years of marriage, had to put both down because of old age. Because we want to travel more we now have a damn cat. After reading this, my wife and I laughed until we cried. Now if we can just find the vet's e-mail address......................
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Old 02-01-2010, 09:14 PM   #13
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A dog travels better than a cat any day! A dog is happy to go anywhere as long as you are there. A cat, on the other hand, doesn't care if you are there, only if THEY want to be there!
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:46 PM   #14
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Hi, I can see this picture in my head. I have never owned a cat, but I have had four dogs. And yes I had to give them pills too. Every dog is different so giving pills will be different.

(1.) With dog standing on all four feet, open his mouth, tilt his head back, drop or put pill in mouth as far back as possible, close his mouth and hold closed with your hand, as you hold his mouth closed with one hand and hold his head tilted back, blow on his nose and rub his throat. Gulp, it's gone. He swallowed it. This was the Vets way to do this.

(2.) If number one doesn't work then try this. Smash pill up and mix with his favorite food. Roll up pieces of sliced cheese and toss them to him; around the third or fourth piece of cheese will have the pill inside of it. Gulp, it's gone.

(3.) Make a game of tossing small pieces of dry dog food like kibels & bits, after about ten or more Kibels & bits, toss a pill. Gulp It's gone.

(4.) Some dogs are very smart and you cannot let them see you handeling the pills, they will not take them no matter what you try.
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