So based on what I am hearing, it sounds like your grey water tank is going to be mounted directly below the shower pan, so you almost have no choice but to go directly from the shower drain to the tank. Is this the situation, or do you have flexibility as to where your shower pan drains?
If you have no flexibility, then an alternative to the P-trap is called a Hepvo. This is basically a straight section of PVC that has a rubber one-way valvish thing in it so that it serves the same function as a P-trap. The advantage is that the Hepvo takes up less space than a P-trap. It is hard to imagine how you would actually fit this concoction together without some kind of custom fitting, though. You would need a drain from your shower that both goes down into your tank, makes a secure connection with the top of your tank, but also attaches inside the tank to the Hepvo or P-trap. The spun in fitting on the top of the tank is going to stick up some as well...very fiddly to imagine.
Another option that is commonly done is to attach your plumbing from the shower pan and other sources of grey water to the piping of tank outlet. This assumes that your outlet has some piping to it, and you don't have your grey water dump valve mounted smack against the tank. It doesn't matter if you fill your tank from the bottom or from the top, as long as the top of the tank is below your flow, gravity will do its thing.
good luck!
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