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Old 12-14-2003, 07:48 PM   #1
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, Connecticut
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 185
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You Might be a Red Neck?

When this is the only way your wife can cook

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Old 12-14-2003, 07:53 PM   #2
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1992 29' Excella
madison , Wisconsin
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and this is how you take the dog to the vet....
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you call them ferrets, i call them weasels.
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Old 12-14-2003, 08:53 PM   #3
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2004 25' Safari
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gosh John I'm sure glad he didn't get in your Linnie's,
Home of the Wayward Wind

Bogfrog & Mr. Turbo

If in life you stumble, make it part of the dance
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Old 12-14-2003, 08:58 PM   #4
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Tonka Bay
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Talking Important Message from Santa

To Whom It May Concern:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and West Virginia on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.* His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:

"These toys* insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave a RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba* Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott* and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat".

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.* Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
2015 Sprinter Class B Camper Van
(Former 1971 vintage Airstream Owner)
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Old 12-15-2003, 07:06 AM   #5
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startrekker2001's Avatar
1978 31' Excella 500
Palm Bay , Florida
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 268
Images: 34
Christmas presents:,,$1253.43
Christmas Dinner:......$134.85
Bubba Claus...............priceless

Funniest Christmas bit I've seen in a long time.

Vic Smith
Director Florida State Rally
WBCCI Florida Unit 027 Trustee
WBCCI #6782
31' 78 Airstream Excella 500
2001 Ford Excursion V-10
Reese hitch and dual cam sway control
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Old 12-15-2003, 07:14 AM   #6
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Old 12-15-2003, 10:34 AM   #7
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1964 26' Overlander
1964 19' Globetrotter
Eastern , Washington
Join Date: Aug 2003
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You may be a redneck if this is your families favorite cookie recipe:

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to
check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.


1964 Overlander | '08 Touareg V6
Current Project: 1964 Globetrotter

Let's have a polishing party: I'll supply the trailer and buffing supplies. BYOB (bring your own buffer)

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