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Old 02-09-2003, 02:43 PM   #1
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Redneck Humor & regional Humor!!

Redneck Humor

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK.

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
" The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?

Where was the toothbrush invented?
If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.

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Old 02-09-2003, 03:30 PM   #2
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Redneck Humor

You can tell some folks have a bad case of cabin fever when they start picking on us lovely Southerners. Are those stories really true?
Dan in Tennessee

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Old 02-09-2003, 04:24 PM   #3
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must be a yankee
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Old 02-09-2003, 05:44 PM   #4
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Talking It's only humor!!


These are not true stories, they're only jokes like Jeff Foxworthy tells.


Yes- I'm a Yankee!!

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Old 02-09-2003, 05:53 PM   #5
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Yankee Humor

You might be a Yankee if ...

1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

4. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.

5. You don't know what a moon pie is.

6. You've never had grain alcohol.

7. You've never, ever, eaten okra.

8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

10. You have no idea what a polecat is.

11. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

12. You don't have bangs.

13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you'se guys," even if both of them are women.

17. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.

18. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.

19. You think that more money should go to important scientific research at your university, than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

21. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

22. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertises feed stores.

23. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

24. You call binoculars opera glasses.
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Old 02-09-2003, 05:56 PM   #6
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Texas Humor


You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . .

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . .

You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . .

You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . .

You can make sun tea instantly . . .

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron . . .

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance . . .

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one . . .

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets . . .

You actually burn your hand opening the car door . . .

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter . . .

A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store . . .

Hot air balloons can't go (at all) . . .

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car . . .

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear, "what if I get knocked out and lay on the pavement and cook to death"?

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
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Old 02-09-2003, 05:58 PM   #7
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Question Any others?

Just trying to show fairness to all regions of our country!!
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Old 02-09-2003, 06:22 PM   #8
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You Might Be From Wisconsin If . . .

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Snow tires are standard on all your cars.
At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify a Michigan accent.
You know what "cow-tipping" is.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
If "down south" to you means Chicago.
If traveling coast-to-coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.
The "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee and Pabst.
A brat is something you eat.
You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
You used to think Deer Season was an official school holiday.
You know that Gotham is a real city.
You can actually pronounce and spell Oconomowoc.
The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
A Friday night date is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
You go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts.
You tell someone where you are from and they say, "I thought that was part of Canada."
You know how to polka.
Your formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap.
Your children describe their summer vacation out-of-state as a "trip to Door County."
You go to Florida in August to get a tan.
You define "swimming season" as Labor Day weekend.
Your 4th of July family picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You have more fishing poles than teeth.
You think the four basic food groups are Brats, Beer, Cheese and Chew.
You were baptized with Blatz beer.
You know where to look for a bubbler.
You learned to spell "Kinnickinnic" before you could spell "Mississippi."
You can pronounce any word beginning with a "W" and ending in a vowel.
You believe the Upper Peninsula of Michigan really belongs to Wisconsin.
Know know that "Mawaukee" has no "L."
You know that "Fongulac" is the city at the south end of Lake Winnebago.
You know that Dells Ducks can't fly, but they can swim.
You have driven on a lake in your car.
You check the brand of every bathroom fixture you encounter to see if it's a Kohler.
You really did walk home from school as a child when the temperature was -20 F.
You've gotten sea-sick on Lake Michigan.
You don't need snow tires.
You check the antifreeze in your car on Labor Day.
You know that the most famous Bart is a Starr.
You know how to play sheepshead.
You know the difference between a Dairy Queen and frozen custard.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
You refer to the Packers as "we."
You can recognize someone from Illinois by their driving.
You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
You have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London and Poland all in one afternoon.
You consider Madison "exotic."
You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
You were offended by the movie "Fargo."
Your description of "Grilled Venison" includes a Buick, a snowy night and no mention of charcoal.
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car and you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
Your spouse uses ketchup on a charcoal grilled NY strip steak.
Fleet-Farm on any Saturday is busier than a toy store at Christmas.
You think a cultural night out is three games at the bowling alley wearing a collared shirt.
You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
You and your spouse own a "winter car" while the "good one" sits in the garage from Nov-Apr.
You think everyone from south of Madison has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You buy kitty litter every winter, but you don't own a cat.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires six pages for sports (5 1/2 pages for the July)!
You've worn your winter coat to watch the fire works on the 4th of July.
Your best shirt has a big letter G on it.
You think it's nice enough to swim when the temperature hits 50.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant or cannery.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
You've ever said "Of course they'll win. They're God's team."
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the raccoons won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20F a little chilly.
You enjoy popsicles or fudgesicles in the dead of winter, although it is murder on your lips!
In winter, the trunk of your car or your garage doubles as a deep freezer.
You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snow boots, or worse, your galoshes.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout
You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction / Mosquito.
You expect to have off of work whenever the Packers are playing.
You pronounce Wisconsin as "Scon Sin."
You refer to 7-Up or Sprite as "White Soda."
You have a surplus of foam cheese hats in your closet
You can tell the difference between "real Wisconsin cheese" and "that Illinois stuff"
Your mechanic is John Deer certified
You don't even notice the Original Wisconsin Ducks signs every ten miles
You don't consider any body of water to be a lake if you can see the other side.
Your class took a field trip to a second grade.
You turn and look when someone shouts "hey, 'ski!"
You know what "ain'a" means.


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Old 02-09-2003, 07:50 PM   #9
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Can the Canadians get in on this,,,,, Aye?

President Bush recently called up the Prime Minister of Canada and suggested that the two countries join together and live under one flag. The Prime Minister of Canada thought for a minute and then replied by saying that he didn't think Canada needed another Province!!!!
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Old 02-09-2003, 07:57 PM   #10
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i knew you canadians were up to something!

here is the proof!

canadian world domination

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Old 02-09-2003, 08:39 PM   #11
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Thumbs up Good One

Good one John... I sent the link to all my friends.
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Old 03-17-2003, 12:28 PM   #12
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I think I'll NOT say a word abt this subject....I saw the film...
" Deliverance "...Chris.....
It's NICE 2B Important...but it's more Important 2B NICE...Chris.....
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Old 03-17-2003, 12:39 PM   #13
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A long winded farmer from MO..

"Reckon So"..

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Old 03-17-2003, 03:39 PM   #14
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I'm just glad that Californians are immune from these types of jokes.....................................

(go ahead--it's teed up for you now..)

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