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Old 03-19-2014, 03:05 PM   #281
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Maggie, it's good to see that you're handling everything, and with such grace and humor....the warm socks and undies, and the black dog boxers. Priceless!!

Thinking of you. Be well, take care of yourself.
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:45 PM   #282
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Charlie Hayes is a cousin, not a grandfather, who was in the National Guard, not the Home Guard.....and the narrator in this video is also a cousin. The family were unaware of this video. So special.

A very long day, but all bases seem covered.

Thanks to all of you.



Maggie
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Old 03-19-2014, 08:16 PM   #283
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Maggie, back where I am from, we call the National Guard "The Guard". I don't know if it's an era or regional affliction. A relative was in The Guard for many years, and when he had to participate, he "had Guards".
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Old 03-19-2014, 08:23 PM   #284
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Maggie, I haven't been on the forum much lately, but am thinking of you.
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Old 03-19-2014, 09:26 PM   #285
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Prayer

I had to read this, and glad I did. I will pray for the both of you.
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Old 03-20-2014, 12:14 AM   #286
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Final resting place

Quote:
Originally Posted by doug&maggie View Post
Charlie Hayes is a cousin, not a grandfather, who was in the National Guard, not the Home Guard.....and the narrator in this video is also a cousin. The family were unaware of this video. So special.

A very long day, but all bases seem covered.

Thanks to all of you.

Maggie
You are most welcome, Maggie. I stumbled upon this video late last night while searching for (scarce) photos and/or information about Gracehill Moravian Church and Cemetery.

The narrator is Eugene Engel, and the Washington County Historical Society says:

"The cemetery is noted to be one of the most peaceful and beautiful spots in all of Washington County. Gene Engel who lives nearby has kept the old cemetery in excellent repair for many years, also has allowed a small plot of the original prairie grasses and plants to grow undisturbed at the west edge of the tract. Grace Hill Church and Cemetery are listed on the the National Registry of Historic Landmarks."

Peace

The video:

History of Gracehill Cemetery
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:41 AM   #287
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Finalizing funeral arrangements these past few days, I am struggling with rising anger toward family members, near and far, who could not be bothered with Doug in life, for whatever reason.

A good, kind, loyal father, son and brother, all did not always make time for him as they should have. They couldn't be bothered, other things in their daily lives were more important.

While trying to be kind and gracious, and to keep my lip buttoned, I refuse to provide a venue for those who discarded him to now publicly posture, pose and seek a spotlight to speak of his many fine qualities, to try to purge themselves of guilt for how they disregarded him in life. And to present themselves as something in his life which they chose not to be.

It feels lie fraud, and I won't participate in it, watch it or pay for it.

I feel they need to make their peace with him privately. He loved his family and his people unconditionally, that's the man he was, and will forgive them.

I could use some prayers and karma for specific strengths, extraordinary kindness, grace and love toward others these next few days.

My best friend will be here tomorrow, and thru the weekend. That will help tremendously.

Y'all have helped get me this far. Just a few more days.

I need extraordinary grace and kindness to bestow upon others, that's where I'm starting to waver a bit. I'm having trouble finding it right now.

Thank you,

Maggie
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:48 AM   #288
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Maggie:

Ahh, family. Recognize the anger for what it is and let it pass. The only one it hurts is you. Stay strong and keep to the path you have set for your farewell to Doug's physical being. Let his spirit guide you.

Be well and try to be at peace.

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Old 03-20-2014, 06:51 AM   #289
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You will find the grace and kindness to get through all of this Maggie. I know having your friend there will help you tremendously. It does amaze me how some people can be, but you hold you head up high and pay tribute to the man you loved. It will be over soon enough. Prayers continue to go your way Maggie, Laura & Tom
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Old 03-20-2014, 08:08 AM   #290
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I will drop in here periodically over the next few days, don't know how much posting I will get done. The words and sentiments help so much when I am by myself. "Air love", my grandaughter would call it, rather than "touch love". It's all good.

My daughter and son-in-law will be in from NYC in a couple of hours, I will get a frame for Doug's picture for the visitation, we will finalize a slide show and put together music for the visitation. Will be nothing somber, but his favorite tunes.

They are all cooking dinner together tonight, my participation not allowed. Such wonderful children we have raised.

Thank you all so much.

Maggie
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Old 03-20-2014, 09:31 AM   #291
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Hang in there, Maggie, and know that we are all with you in love and support.
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Old 03-20-2014, 09:50 AM   #292
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Sending some Air Love your way, Maggie.

If it helps, remember that anger is transient and it will fade, but the memory of whatever you do or say will remain with you. Take the high road.

We are all flawed creatures and they are coping in whatever way they can. If posturing is the only way they are able to see themselves, that may be what they have to do. All will be forgiven in time, so let your present actions echo that future.

And when it gets too hard to do that, come here and vent. It's a safe place.
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Old 03-20-2014, 09:53 AM   #293
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Remember it was their loss not to be close to Doug, and they may feel guilty. Excuse them and go on with YOUR life. Peace, Jim and Linda.
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:25 AM   #294
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In its support of yourself this thread has been a testament to what the "Airstream Community" is all about - not just hollow words - but the real deal.

And in your own grief you stand as a towering model for us all.

It is unfortunate that you are having to witness less-than-genuine responses of some family members.

But I think this is pretty much normal.

Many would make the observation that the loss of a family member or friend can bring out the very best and the very worst in us - and often does.

You are in the middle of a time where emotions run very high and very intense.

A couple of years ago we faced a flurry of close losses - 4 in one year - and - like yourself - we were stunned by some of what we saw and heard from those who we would have thought better of - the only thing we can say is that we very quickly learned the importance of patience - then tolerance - then absolute forgiveness.

Today we are better for it.

Like others on this thread we never had the opportunity to meet yourself and Doug - but we both continue to think and pray nothing but the very best for you through a difficult time.


Jay and Marg
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