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Old 01-08-2016, 10:34 PM   #43
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Ive notified my contacts in the repair/restoration biz to be on the lookout. I suggest you contact others in your areas and surrounding areas as well. The "new owner" might take it in for repairs, lessons, updates etc.

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Old 01-08-2016, 11:52 PM   #44
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Hi, I know you said "AND" at least that is what I thought that I read. In California, You can have titles in Mr. AND Mrs. and in Mr. OR Mrs. If it said OR, either party can sign and sell it. If it says AND, both parties need to sign.


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Old 01-09-2016, 01:53 AM   #45
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This is not a dress rehearsal, it's the only chance you ever get.


If I could go back 30 years and change my advice to my then best friend it would come out like this:

Carla, I am calling social services and reporting you for child abuse - your daughter needs to be in emergency custody - and YOU need to see what it would be like to lose her - because right now YOU are torturing her to get back at your ex. He's a bastard. But he IS her father and you cannot hurt him without hurting HER twice as much. STOP.
Kids ALWAYS blame themselves for the divorce
Kids do not have the vocabulary or technique to effectively tell their parents to "leave me out of it"
Kids are terrified to choose sides (my dad was mentally ill, institutionalized and mom still bitched about him... it killed me to listen but if I had told my mother that... would she have turned on ME then?)

Words BOTH of you should say to your son: (and you should say alone if your wife won't or can't.)

No matter how ugly this divorce gets, you need to know that the greatest thing that will ever happen to either of us - is YOU. You are the only treasure that has any real value. It won't happen immediately - but I promise you - first this is NOT your fault and second, this will get better.

You are young to understand this, but adults can turn very mean and kind of crazy during a divorce. And you can get caught in the cross fire.

///////////////////////////// then FIGHT to get your son into counseling so that he can learn the words to tell either or both of you to knock it off, back off and beat each other over the heads with baseball bats but recognize that HE isn't that baseball bat.

Any trailer can be a money pit... but it's peanuts compared to a messy divorce. And to the child or children caught in the middle, it's worse than for the parents. The parents can make decisions - good or horrid - the kids get put through a meat grinder. And if either parent is the "it's all about me, me, me" they feel trapped.


30 years ago I was best friends with a woman who was putting her husband through Hell in a divorce - and constantly venting to her 12 year old daughter about how much she resented the "poverty" resulting from dad's puny child support (which I thought was decent). Reality check - it DOES cost more to have two households and both sides do lose financially in any divorce.

My advice was asked (and ignored) - get a compact car, drop the country club and cable TV, cut back on the weekly beauty spa visits...

I didn't really know that she constantly complained to her daughter about the cost of buying her clothing and shoes. This daughter who needed new cloths because she had grown three inches and gone from a girl to a woman in six months.

I didn't want dig into someone else's business, or to really confront her. Dear God, If I had known what would happen and could go back in time ...)

Then one morning my friend found her daughter hanging in from the pole in her closet. She'd been dead since the night before. The note said "I'm sorry I made it so hard for you mom." That from a kid who really felt guilty about having her feet grow, and probably thought she was finally helping out.

Carla was in hysterics for days. I thought she couldn't handle losing her daughter, then she said something that changed everything. "If her damn father had paid more I wouldn't have been so upset about buying her new clothes... it's all his fault."

I totally lost it. It took the other four or five people in the room to pull her off of me because I said the absolutely inexcusable but true thing - "NO, you killed her. You told her the money was everything - and she was nothing but a drain on your wallet."

Writing this I'm still ashamed. Not that what I said wasn't true, but because it was futile; far too late. I never paid enough attention to her daughter, I kinda sorta knew mom was overboard, but never created myself as someone the daughter could confide in. Kicking her mom in the stomach didn't need to be done after the fact.
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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Old 01-09-2016, 04:43 AM   #46
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We live. We learn. We help when we can. We do our best. God bless you.
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Old 01-09-2016, 10:29 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by avionstream View Post
We live. We learn. We help when we can. We do our best. God bless you.
And possibly making one more child's life a little less awful is the only thing that has ever pried that story out of me.

I tried to make amends - knew I'd never deserve to be forgiven, but wanted her to at least know how much I regretted piling on when it was too late and failing to act when there was time... I can't fix the past, I hope I put one drop of urgency and focus on the children. On the far out end of crazy there are people who drown their children to punish the ex wife or husband, but the vast majority of people would run into burning buildings to save their children IF they realized the kids could literally die. Many kids become suicidal simply because they don't know what else to do.

Today parents and children are "absent while present" because they live on their cell phones - and paying REAL UNDIVIDED attention to a kid? Uh?

Heartening story - that doesn't happen often enough. Mom and Dad showed up in their 3rd or 4th family divorce hearing with their son and proceeded to start hacking each other to pieces in front of the kid. The judge put both of them in jail over night for contempt of court and put the kid into foster care for two weeks. The icing on the cake was that he ordered the parents to figure out a reasonable settlement - money - property - visitation - and good manners in front of the kid during that two week period, or the foster care would become PERMANENT (reviewed after a YEAR!). The judge was re-elected in a landslide in the next election. The parents sh** themselves getting over their differences. Or perhaps they just transferred all of their hostility to the judge.
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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Old 01-09-2016, 11:55 AM   #48
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Messy Divorce- '70 Safari, '67 Overlander sales?

Sounds like you're still carrying a lot of baggage from it. Probably time to let it go. How? Wish I could help you on that one, but I can't. Many people face horrible situations in life, Auschwitz, kidnapped and tortured, war, famine, and come out of it stronger, while others are raised in a family without any more than the normal amount of dysfunctional stuff happening and commit suicide anyway. I agree with everything you said about the need to keep kids in as safe and loved a place as possible during a divorce, but don't believe you ought to blame the mother or father (or yourself) for the suicide. Maybe if the kid got fed up and ran away and never spoke to either of them again, yes, but a suicide is evidence of a much deeper problem. Particularly one such as you describe: this wasn't someone making an extreme statement screaming for help, as many attempted suicides are; this is someone who wanted out of here, and made sure she got the job done right the first time.
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Old 01-11-2016, 10:30 PM   #49
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Very moving Foiled. I don't think your friend would have listened to you. Such a sad story. You posting here might help someone in the future. Don't ever blame yourself for other people's behavior. Money has a way of revealing people's true colors. Weather it's a divorce or dispersing an estate, money will bring the best and worst in humanity. If you read my first post #10, right away I made the children the priority. Just wanting the original poster not make the same mistakes my parents made. We all wish we could go back in time. But today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. Heed your words of wisdom my friend, you've beat yourself up long enough.
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Old 01-12-2016, 02:17 AM   #50
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I believe in the power of INTERVENTIONS.

Overall the success rate is considerably lower than 50% which seems dismal, but what is the success rate when no one intervenes?

Over the years I've dragged a couple of employees to AA Meetings. I've also fired one who flatly refused to go. There are plenty of people who end up in AA, NA or some kind of counseling that is mandated by the courts, the employer or the spouse, and most are NOT successful. The employee has to be fired, the courts have to jail the drunk repeatedly, the spouse has to abandon the marriage... and finally the failed addict goes back and with luck, work, prayer, and "surrender" stumbles awkwardly toward recovery. The intervention is still the first step on the long winding road.


There is a not-so-fine line between intervening and being Nosey Nelly. I've finally started to resist getting sucked into the problems of "misery addicts" too. I've stolen a couple of really good ideas from Dr. Phil - the question instead of the confrontation.
Well if you've beaten the kid for 4 years and it's still not working, why do you keep doing it?

If you wanted to be the best tennis player in the state, Obviously you'd hire a coach right off the bat, so why does it offend you to think you could use a coach to help you master (fill in the personal challenge of your choice.)
A trained professional doesn't become a lightening rod like a family friend can (especially when family violence is an issue)... but anyone with a cell phone can gather photo evidence, and CALL Social Services. I can live with being a "rat". When someone asks me "where can I find help" - I do have some names & numbers in my cell phone. And I can surely Google for more. AND I can provide transportation or babysitting to allow someone to actually go get help.


Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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