Losing Gregg

[Victorialhq]

First I want to thank each of you for accepting me as I barrelled in here trying to beat the clock for Gregg and I to be the snowbirds.

Well the dream is not to be. He went to the hospital on Monday and they found a absess on the left kidney but it was so bad it killed the kidney and made the liver fail. He is on a ventilator and I can't do this. I am so mad that dang Dr said if they didn't remove it he would be gone by weeks end and it was simple thing to do but it is not had we known he was going to die I don't think he would have done this now my dear beloved Gregg will die in this place. I am so mad this absess has been there each of the other times he was in the hospital had the other place treated it he would not have died this early now is to late.

There is a huge freaking icesicle on the back where the water comes in and I don't why he is not here to help me. I don't think I care maybe the stupid floor will just fall off our dreams died if anyone wants it just come get it.

I just wanted him to have at least one trip just one last trip. I just can't believe God is taking him the irony of this is my wonderful Service Dog Sammie Sam just passed away from her Kidney just last Sunday and Gregg held me as I cried...see she helped me and now they are both gone. This is sucha lonely world when you lose your soul mates.

Thanks guys for accepting and all the advice and help... I wll check back later...if anyone wants updates he is at Methodist in Dallas ICU or you can all my Cell it is ok...

Hugs for all ... going back to crying in this pillow...due to my health I am not able to sit up in the hospital since I can't drive I just act like a bum and get rides up...

I will come back not sure when though ... reading the forum may take my mind off this for a second doubt it though

[Victorialhq]

I forgot to tell what made me so mad is on Tues when they decided for the surgery they never told us the odds were real high he would die they did not call me to spend what would have been the last night to be able to hear my sweetheart's voice to hear him say I love you. His &*^( EXCUSE to me was I am sorry I did not know he had family WTF the creep should have looked Gregg has family !!!! Me his wife of 30 YEARS !!! This @SSHOLE robbed me of my last night with my Gregg he ROBBED me... It is tearing my heart up.. I could have dealt with his death but to deal with the fact some CRAP Dr took my Gregg knowing it could be his last night to talk to his family and not let it be ... Sorry I am just beside myself in pain

[bullydogsmom]

I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry you are going through this pain.

Annette

[kevin242]

That's a really tough loss. If you are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders right now - I respectfully suggest you go talk to a grief councellor as they can provide you with ways to help you constructively vent your frustration and deal with your grief. Don't try to go through it alone. My condolences and best wishes to you.

[Silverhobby]

I am so sorry for your pain. As Kevin242 stated, please seek some counsel or clergy to talk to. My prayers go out to you.

[moosetags]

So sad. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Mike Leary]

Sorry to hear of your loss; you gave it your best shot, though.

[Jezibels]

You did good! 30 Beautiful years, and no one can take that away from you!

He knows you love him, believe me he knows!

With time you will heal, although it feels very tough right now, it does get better.

Through this immediate rough patch it really does help to talk to someone, usually the hospital will put you in contact with a counselor, just ask, that is what they are there for.

When you get sad, come on here and talk to us! We're here! ; )

You are in our prayers!

[Melody Ranch]

Whatever you may need....PM me and I can be there within an hour after I get the msg. Thinking of you.

[Lily&Me]

We're so sorry, Victoria. He surely knows how much you love him.

Go see him when you can, hold his hand and tell him again. He will hear you, know you are near and be comforted by your words and your presence.

The hospital should have clergy and social workers available to help you during this difficult time. Let the nurses know, or ask through the hospital switchboard.

We are all here to listen.

[bredlo]

Originally Posted by Melody Ranch

Whatever you may need....PM me and I can be there within an hour after I get the msg. Thinking of you.

Thanks for offering that, Melody Ranch. We're all so spread out, that beyond offering prayers for the remainder of this situation to happen smoothly and painlessly, there's not much we can do.

[WILDRTEXAS]

Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement. I will not try it. Time is the only comforter for the loss of a loved one. Thoughts, prayers and love go out to you in these difficult times.

[Stefrobrts]

My heart goes out to you. There's nothing else to say at times like this...

[05ModPod]

Victoria..there are no words I could possibly say that will comfort your heart and soul right now. Please know that my prayers are with you and with Gregg.

I do know one thing - Gregg will know that you are there. I just lost my Mum 4 months ago after a leg amputation surgery. She went on a ventilator, the whole thing was just far too much. I, like you, was beside myself. All of a sudden I knew, I knew that I needed to calm and be there for Mum. To tell her that I would be okay and that I loved her very much and that I would take care of Dad - I promised! And that I would take care of Peter, and that I would make sure he looked after me too. I told her that if she wanted she could be with her Mother that it was okay, that we would all be okay................she squeezed my hand and was gone half an hour later. She knew! She waited!

Spend your moments now, set your anger aside and let your love for Gregg emanate to him through your voice and your touch.....

[darlingbooks]

The thoughts and prayers of my whole family go out to you.

Anne Marie

[Silverfoxrae]

It's a hard place to start a friendship but I just joined this forum a little while ago and have been reading and reading... and your first posts and then the most recent just break my heart. I know what it is to lose those who are closest to you. At this point, I haven't lost my husband, but I've been there with other family(direct-mom,sister,nephews), friends,animals. There's no words for this, only feelings and it's good to feel them. I know it feels impossible right now, but know that there are a bunch of good folks here that are standing by to be friends, even if it's an outlet to vent and express your feelings. I'm sure that in time you can find some of us to meet up with share good times, too. 30 years is a lifetime-- that is a real gift :-) Hold onto those good memories and know that he is still with you and always will be.

[danalee]

Victoria, I am so very sorry. You did your best and I am sure that Gregg knows how much you love him.

[Foiled Again]

Nothing will help with the rage you feel right now, but GO and be with him and talk to him. Love him and assure him that you will be all right. Just by telling HIM that, you'll motivate yourself to keep that promise, and that will help you. He WILL hear you too.

You'll have more time than you need LATER to be angry.

Do talk to a grief counselor. Grief isolates us, because we always feel that no one else in the world can understand what we are going through... look outward and you'll see what others have survived... and then you wouldn't trade your misery for theirs. I ache for what you're going through.

My ex and I divorced eons ago and I've forgiven and forgotten everything. I kinda remember the pain but it's like it happened to someone else. I HOPE for your sake that you someday reach a point where you realize how privileged the two of you were to enjoy 30 years together - and that the pain feels like it happened to someone else. I truly believe you two will be together again .... and you'll be lucky. (Me? I'd walk past Jim and I think our souls will have forgotten each other.) You might not believe it for years, but your grief may have a happy ending, my amnesia... not so much.

Feel everything you need to feel... but don't give in to despair... Your loyal husband and even your loyal dog did NOT waste their lives being your beloved companions... They KNOW you; and they know you have strength and capabilities that you've never even guessed at. Pray for serenity first, good judgment second, and the grace to be able to recover in time.

It may never be the same, but it is possible for you to go on and even be happy - the rest of your life might feel like being in the "waiting room" before you and your husband are back together - and the silver lining in the clouds might be the reflection from your celestial Airstream... But even if you're apart for 20 years, when it's over it'll be just like he pulled into the driveway from a 3 day trip.

Get some practical and financial help from your grown children. Do it now. It doesn't matter if they have their own lives and their own problems. You put your life on hold for them for 20 years... they can each give you 20 days.

Know that even if we can't give you a hug, we are here, and we care.

Paula

[Happycampers]

Victoria... I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Also seek out a social worker from the hospital or a chaplain to help you deal with the pain.

[Sugarfoot]

Victoria,

I am so very very sorry for what you are going through, both with Gregg and Sammie. Your pain, hurt, and anger is valid and real. We all are here in support of you even though not one of us can fully comprehend all you are feeling.

In situations like Gregg's, hearing is the last of the senses to go. Gregg WILL hear you, be assured of that in your heart even though your head may question it.

You have my prayers.

This may sound silly, but for real, don't forget to breathe . . .