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streamer23 · 08-25-2006, 05:30 PM

I live in a small town,am 46 and my wife is 39.We are both still working full time.We have a 3 year old son.My wife's job is in the daytime and my job is on backshift (graveyard) midnight to 8 am.I work on the other side of town and although it is within walking distance,it would still take around 20-25 minutes and I drive to work.Our town is too small for a transit system.

A co-worker of mine lives near me and I've been driving him to and from work since he started his employment with our company 3 months ago.

Here's the thing.He has never once said even a simple thank-you for the drives.

Some mornings I also drive another co-worker who lives close to my workplace to his home on my way back and same thing...no thank you for the drive.

My better half thinks I'm being taken advantage of and that I'm not running a taxi service.I get along well with all my co-workers at our jobs.

What bothers me a little is that it seems so many people just expect things and simple manners and etiquette seem to be disappearing in today's world.My parents didn't bring me up that way and we will be doing all in our power to make sure our son isn't either.

That's my beef for the day.Has something similar happened to you where you were being just a regular helpful person and you feel you are being taken advantage of?

lebolewis · 08-25-2006, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by streamer23

I live in a small town,am 46 and my wife is 39.We are both still working full time.We have a 3 year old son.My wife's job is in the daytime and my job is on backshift (graveyard) midnight to 8 am.I work on the other side of town and although it is within walking distance,it would still take around 20-25 minutes and I drive to work.Our town is too small for a transit system.

A co-worker of mine lives near me and I've been driving him to and from work since he started his employment with our company 3 months ago.

Here's the thing.He has never once said even a simple thank-you for the drives.

Some mornings I also drive another co-worker who lives close to my workplace to his home on my way back and same thing...no thank you for the drive.

My better half thinks I'm being taken advantage of and that I'm not running a taxi service.I get along well with all my co-workers at our jobs.

What bothers me a little is that it seems so many people just expect things and simple manners and etiquette seem to be disappearing in today's world.My parents didn't bring me up that way and we will be doing all in our power to make sure our son isn't either.

That's my beef for the day.Has something similar happened to you where you were being just a regular helpful person and you feel you are being taken advantage of?

My advice is simple......shut down the "free" taxi service. You are being taken advantage of. Bill

summerkid · 08-25-2006, 05:37 PM

Got a bike?

streamer23 · 08-25-2006, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lebolewis

My advice is simple......shut down the "free" taxi service. You are being taken advantage of. Bill

Thanks,already done.We are moving into a house closer to my workplace next week so the situation no longer exists.

And no summerkid,I don't have a bike.Biking after midnight presents risks that I feel are unnecessary to me to take.

I was just making a commentary on how I perceive the way so many people live their lives on a daily basis oblivious on how their conduct affects other people.

Has no one else experienced a similar situation they want to share?

wheel interested · 08-25-2006, 06:52 PM

I sympathize, and may or may not have experienced what you have. What I think is, and it's how I justified what I sometimes suspected to be taken advantage of, is that some people may be in such dire straits as to "glom" onto a free "whatever" in an effort to sustain themselves. This may be just a foolish justification of not wanting to admit to being a patsy for an opportunist, but I have felt and been told, if someone offers they can afford it, I suspect sometimes pride prevents people from expressing their gratitude or perhaps feels a thank you diminishes them in that they are not able to do it themselves. I could be all washed up here, but it was a thought that has visited me on occassion.

GlenCoombe · 08-25-2006, 07:04 PM

Mike, what we once refered to as "common courtesy" is now gone...as too many folks are just "common."
I know that's a very grand generalization but I am with you on the way we were raised.
I end every converstation with my customers with "thanks for your business!"
Julie and I "thank" each other for the minor things.

BTW my gripe is about turn signals.... common courtesy of letting those around you know in advance what you are planning to do. All the new $50,000 SUV's seem to be lacking signals or they only work after pressing the brake pedal....

Ethics and common courtesy don't seem to fit with the "in your face" angry mode of the younger folks out there today it seems.

Hope your move goes smooth!

enduroryda · 08-25-2006, 08:16 PM

Hi Mike...I can sympathize with you...been in a similar situation for the last 3 years. I was very naive and it took a lot of persueding from friends and of course my better half to make me realize my generosity had to stop....this of course is very hard when your naturally a giving person but my last straw was when this "friend" showed up the day before a race and said, "you won't mind throwing this tire on my kids bike by tomorrow would you?"...ugggghhh...that was it...yes...I put the tire on but that was the last tire. I had been taking these guys to races for 3 years and never saw a dime!....I didn't expect anything because I did it out of the love for the sport but it started to affect the way I felt about going to races...I was starting to not look forward to the one thing that I really enjoyed. That's when I decided I had to cut the cord. You know the sad part about it is if they are not mooching off of you they'll move on to someone else and it doesn't even phase them. I believe it's the way we are brought up to be socially responsible and appreciate the things people do for us which makes us the way we are...it really does stink feeling like you've been taken advantage of. The positive side to the story is now my son and I can enjoy quality time together..just us. I hope he too has learned something from this...I do want him to be a giving person..hopefully as he matures he will learn were to draw the line...it's hard being a nice person...sounds silly but true! Well your not alone....cheers go out to you for being you..a good person

85MH325 · 08-25-2006, 08:23 PM

Mike, I read your situation, and I've decided that you're obviously an insensitive jerk who doesn't understand that the rest of us are entitled to mooch off you and that you should thank us for being there to do it. After all, "it's all about me" you know!

That WAS written with tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek of course. You've done more than your fair share. It's actually about karma. I suspect that when it comes down to it, you helped your co-worker out less because he needed it, and more because it was something you could do. Your karma really will come back to you when you need it most and expect it least.

Well done.

Roger

Jim & Susan · 08-25-2006, 08:36 PM

I have a similar story that has to do with "your grass needs cutting", "you have too many cars in your driveway", "you part your hair on the wrong side", "you yadda, yadda." And the government will fix it for you if don't comply with OUR ideas. I could fill in the details, but it's the same story. Civility seems to be a lost art. Stick to your proper beliefs, Mike. Maybe the good guys can win again.

Jim

rebel beck · 08-25-2006, 08:54 PM

I to have a story like yours, I took a business partner in to share my booth at the antique mall a so call friend and it has lasted 6 months. I have done all the book keeping, moving furniture, pricing her stuff and hauling her stuff and decorating her stuff and around the first of each month she would call and ask if I had sent the check for her sells. My husband kept telling me I was being used that all she had to do was go to the mailbox and get her check.
I finally wised up and told her last month that it would probably be best she move out the end of this month since she didn't have time to help. So now it's the end of the month, can you believe she had the nerve to call me and ask if I had any extra boxes would I go ahead and start packing her stuff. I told her No!!!! I learned a lesson always paddle your own canoe.

tin sista · 08-25-2006, 08:55 PM

All the input above is so great. I wonder too, you know some people didn't /don't get good training growing up. I thank my grandma's memory everyday for teaching me to write thank you notes, to do all the little things that I used to think were so pointless as a kid. I can't tell you how shocking it is that people don't send thank yous especially when you give expensive gifts for graduation and weddings, etc. I feel sorry for people who didn't get good home training. I guess they might be clueless, maybe we need to train them since their grannies couldn't?

By being more assertive? I know I need to do that, I surely let people get away with too much. Hmm maybe there's a nice ladies club I could join...

overlander63 · 08-25-2006, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by streamer23

I was just making a commentary on how I perceive the way so many people live their lives on a daily basis oblivious on how their conduct affects other people.

Has no one else experienced a similar situation they want to share?

Yes, and no. No, only because there have been too many times. Like the co-worker that just jumped in my truck one evening, and told me to take him home. He walked, in the rain.

SafeHarbor · 08-25-2006, 09:00 PM

Mike,

There are givers in this world, and there are takers. I'm not talking about the grand larcency kind of takers - just the common needy ones who feel something is owed to them or that they'd be a fool to pass it up... as long as it's available and it's free. These folks never express appreciation because it's percieved to be an entirely natural relationship by them. You provide some service, and without them, you wouldn't be able to provide it. Therefore, they are doing YOU a service by accepting it so you can do your good work. If pressed, they would acknowledge that you are doing that. However, in the regular course of days, don't expect more than an easy grace or acceptance in this relationship. As they see it, it's a straight-forward transaction. Who cares if it's unbalanced? Certainly not them.

It's good that you're able to get along with co-workers who take advantage of you.

Lamar

Neophyte · 08-25-2006, 09:48 PM

No direct response here, only ruminations from the dark ages.

How an adult behaves is almost always the direct result of how s/he was raised. The current and not-too-distant economic conditions have, and continue, to force parents to choose day-care on a cost basis (been there, got the tee shirt).

The low bidder cannot transmit your values to your child.

The boors that you have allowed to freeload off you were raised either by dogs in the wild or by people with values way lower than you find acceptable. Let 'em walk in the rain. You can't help them and retain your sanity.

No, this is not a condemnation of all of those sweet, caring and loving people that have cared for and helped my daughter grow up while my ex and I brought in the big bucks. This is only a rambling on how we fail to transmit our values through generations bacause we're too busy working to take care of the things that we think matter.

There, I feel much better now.

Mick

codybear · 08-25-2006, 11:12 PM

It seems to me there are always going to be people in our society who want you to do something for them or give them something. They have no qualms in asking these things of you..remember that old (or is it still relevant today?) adage: 'it never hurts to ask' or the other one: 'you don't ask, you don't get' ..I was raised with the values of you treating people the way you would want them to treat you, meaning be nice and respectful of others. That works most of the time with genuine and well-meaning individuals..but when it comes to that definitive point where you wake up realizing you've been used or taken advantaged of, then it's time to stop. Take charge and make some decisions of your own choosing..be nice to them, but be assertive in your declining to do what they want of you. And surprise, this works well among acquaintances, friends, and yes , sometimes even our own family.

rseagle · 08-26-2006, 06:30 AM

Sometimes people are caught up in their own lives to remember that others even exist around them. If you hadn't moved to end the "free rider" situation, I would have recommended communicating to them that you feel that a simple thank-you would go along way. I think that would have changed things for the best. But if it didn't work, then you would have known you had been taken for a "chump" and should let them find some other means of transportation.

Streamin 65 · 08-26-2006, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlenCoombe

BTW my gripe is about turn signals.... common courtesy of letting those around you know in advance what you are planning to do. All the new $50,000 SUV's seem to be lacking signals or they only work after pressing the brake pedal..

Glen, I have experienced this same thing over and over. I am not an engineer, but I have concluded that the transmission from a cell phone in use intereferes with the ability of the turn signal to transmit to the receiver in the turn signal/brake lighting circuit in expensive new vehicles. Also, I suspect the built in GPS systems are also negatively affected by cell phone signals, as the GPS obviously does not warn the driver early enough about the upcoming off ramp forcing the driver to cut in front of the rest us at the last possible moment. --dave

uluwene · 08-26-2006, 09:11 AM

It's not just you

I work in a public library. Manners seem to be a thing of my parent's generation, in many small ways. I do not know that I have been taken advantage of, but "thank you" seems to have mostly disappeard from some adult's and most children's vocabulary, with the exception of a few few very enjoyable children. We ran a Summer Reding program at the library, that had prizes the children could win in a drawing at the end of the six weeks. The children that I saw come to pick up their prizes, with their parents, never said thank you and neither did t he parents.

A sad comentary

Druupy · 08-26-2006, 09:51 AM

Oprah shed some light on this subject this week.
The changing class system in the USA. Currently they are:
1 rich
2 striving to be rich
3 poor
4 po
When our grandparents were young, 80% of them were on or around farms when growing up. They learned "common sense" from the farm. The crystalized logic of action+action=reaction was universal.
So you had 80% of the population that "knew" the same truths, "common" knowledge. The society was trained the same, readin - rightin - rithmatic. The country was "we, the people". And we the people were middle class.
I would venture the guess that pulling an Airstream denotes the occupants as "middle class" in the old sense.
So today, the class structure in society is different.
10% rich
10% old style middle class, "Airstreamers"

80% Sesame street, Barney the dinosaur,
and MTV "what have YOU done for ME lately"? Poor INDIVIDUALS!
As long as it's there, they will take it.
So, don't expect that 80% to act in a civilized manner, 'cause they ain't.
Being nice is a personal choice, and I respect nice folks. There have always been INDIVIDUALS around to take advantage. I just do my part to help those INDIVIDUALS feel LONELY.