Oh, and THIS just in... (last one, I promise... ;) )
Washington DC (AP)
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures, and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D-Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive on the world stage," Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 dollars / week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately, he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits put him over the limit.
Preparations for the job move have been under way for some time now. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1, 2005. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a monthly salary of $320 (USD) but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will also be open.
"I am so excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully "on board" with all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a "script tree" (not unlike Telemarketers) to follow, which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have been used successfully by Mr. Bush for years, and will enable Mr. Singh to provide answers without having to fully understand any of the issues."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to a representative from Manpower, Inc., ( a job placement agency) Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited. A local community college in Texas said they would be glad to enroll Mr. Bush in vocational training classes such as auto mechanics or air conditioner service and repair. The classes are a bit tight right now due to federal and state budget cuts but, if he enrolls early, he has a good chance of getting a spot. A spokesperson for the Comminity College also stated that tutors are available to help Mr. Bush with the remedial math and science classes.
A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person would be to join the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there," stated Mr. Bush. "I gained invaluable knowledge of the country on my first visit, at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop."
News Update: Congress, now a fully controlled subsidiary of Halliburton, continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities, including that of Vice-President and most Cabinet positions. Stay tuned for further news on overseas job outsourcing...
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AIR 2053 “A generation which ignores history has no past and no future.” Robert Heinlein 2006 Bigfoot 25B25RQ towed by a 2001 Born Free 23RK moho
That is a really interesting map. What the media can't tell us is why generally major metropolitan areas go democrat and rural areas go republican. Some people speculate it's the rich hollywood types with all their money and causes that go blue, while rural common-folk have more family values. But it's not just money, because we're in a rural/republican area, and there's a lot of money out here too. And it's not just morals, because I know some fine christians who live in the city who went democrat. I just wonder why it is so broke up that citys go one way and country goes the other?
I don't know if this post CAN be put back on track !!
After re-reading the opening post, I thought we were on track with the opening post! I didn't see any mention of Airstream and it is on the "Off Topic" board.
After re-reading the opening post, I thought we were on track with the opening post! I didn't see any mention of Airstream and it is on the "Off Topic" board.
That is a really interesting map. What the media can't tell us is why generally major metropolitan areas go democrat and rural areas go republican. Some people speculate it's the rich hollywood types with all their money and causes that go blue, while rural common-folk have more family values. But it's not just money, because we're in a rural/republican area, and there's a lot of money out here too. And it's not just morals, because I know some fine christians who live in the city who went democrat. I just wonder why it is so broke up that citys go one way and country goes the other?
There are many reasons, Stef. It isn't money, per se. In urban areas you have a generally higher education level, more multicultural institutions, greater cultural, ethnic and religious diversity, and higher population density. All of these demographic factors inevitably lead to greater tolerance and more diverse thinking (or drive you out of the city). David Brooks, a sociologist, conservative NYT editor and PBS News Hour commentator, has found that the urban resident, because of his or her environment, tends to be aware of and vote more for "societal needs", as opposed to "individual needs", which rank higher for the rural dweller. Societal needs naturally fall more within the domain of liberal, or progressive politics, whereas the more individual-focused ones fall toward the conservatives.
I would also guess that urban dwellers in general travel outside the country more, reinforcing their exposure to other cultures, institutions, history, etc. The more a person experiences other cultures and ways of life, the more one sees that a variety of religious and cultural values can be successful, which often leads to a less dogmatic view of governmant, or religion, or way of life.
There are many reasons, ... ...more a person experiences other cultures and ways of life, the more one sees that a variety of religious and cultural values can be successful, which often leads to a less dogmatic view of governmant, or religion, or way of life.
-john
Good analysis, John. Well done.
Roger
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AIR 2053 “A generation which ignores history has no past and no future.” Robert Heinlein 2006 Bigfoot 25B25RQ towed by a 2001 Born Free 23RK moho
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