Camping grins

[Rog0525]

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective
trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are male,
tree branches will also grow at groin height.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.
Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other
ear, do not go into the woods alone.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.

Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.

Your side of the tent is the side that leaks.

Alert! In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement:
In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears.
One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

Philisophical: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Some first time campers from the city were on a camping trip.
The mosquitoes were so fierce, the guys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They’re coming after us with flashlights."

Man: "I need a rod and reel for my wife".
Fishing store owner: "Sorry sir, we don't do trades".

[BobbyW]

More...More !!

-BobbyW

[Silvertwinkie]

Cute!

I like the fishing store one in particular.

Eric

[FrankR]

Subject: Fw: duck hunting
The Texas Rule

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side
of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence,
an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor
and asked him what he was doing.
The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now
I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas three-kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up. The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped
the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. He said: " you old coot, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

[canny_banjo_man]

Just a quick THANKS 4 making me laugh...
It's bn 1 of those days 2day...here is 1 4 U...

2day I were swatting flies in the office, I got 5 in total, 2 were MAIL flies and the remaining 3 were FEMALE... How do U tell them apart U may wonder...the2 male flies were on a BEER CAN...and the 3 females were on the TELEPHONE....

More please...Chris.....

[femuse]

"What goes clip, clop, clip, clop, boom?"
An Amish drive-by shooting.

Musical jokes:

"What goes " Jingle, Jingle, Jingle, Boom ?"
A group of Morris Dancers in a mine field

"If you throw a banjo and an accordion off the Empire State Building, which one will land first?"
Who cares

[Rog0525]

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got themselves
a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call
of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come
out of the costume and shoot the bull. So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by a bull in the forest. They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, the bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bull's pounding hoof beats got closer, the guy in front said,
"Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts,
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass,
but you better start to 'brace' yourself!"

[amfab]

Q: How many airstreamforum members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 94

One to screw in the bulb
One to take digital before and after pictures showing the difference in illumination, but they do it in the daytime, so we can't really tell
One to post warnings about standing on the "soft spot" in the floor while changing the bulb and maybe it would be a better idea to replace the floor before attempting a bulb replacement.
One to claim that you wouldn't need to replace the bulb if the old one had been properly "winterized"
One to post about not sealing the fixture too tightly because it wont be alowed to "breath"
Three to argue the above point
One to complain how hard it is to find an original bulb, but they are on eBay now and then
One to complain how expensive an original bulb is, even though he found one
One to tell us Americans to stop complaining, because "do you know how expensive and difficult it is to get a bulb that fits in Europe!?!"
One to post how much more energy efficient a modern compact flourescent bulb would be, even if it isnt original
One to post how incredibly dangerous it could be not to use an original "Airstream" brand bulb

And 81 to post ideas on how to polish the fixture

-Andrew

[femuse]

You are obviously new at Airstreaming. You completely missed the point here.

That light bulb would never have needed replacement in the first place, if you had balanced the "complete" running gear to stop vibrations

[InsideOut]

Add one to file a complaint with the moderators that the light blub burned out in the first place!

Shari

[BobbyW]

Number 96

The original, hard to find bulb will not fit your Argosy because it is really not an Airstream.

-BW

[Rog0525]

Failure of an electronic device may well have far-reaching implications. The exact cause of the malfunction should be determined. Replacing the bulb is at best a temporary
measure. A licensed professional electrician should be consulted.
I suggest that you have your coach totally rewired just to be on the safe side.
Proper preventive maintenance would also mandate replacement of the battery, alternator and univolt systems.
It sounds to me like it may be time to consider purchase of a new factory- waranteed Airstream.
I believe you have seriously underestimated the number of opinions needed to resolve this issue but I would need input from
other members before I make that my final conclusion.

[ALANSD]

WELL,

[norbert]

Its 3A.M. and there is a heavy rainstorm outside. The man of the house is wakened by pounding at the door...he gets up and opens the door...outside is a drunken man standing in the rain..
"could i have a push?" says the drunk...HELL NO!!! the man sez
and slams the door and returns to bed... who was that dear? sez
the wife....it was some drunk looking for a push sez the man.....
I'm ashamed of you...dont you remember a couple monthes ago
when we broke down, and those men helped us?...now you get
up, put your clothes on and go out and help him!!!!..the man obliges his wife and goes out....hello...he calls out...are you there?
Yes comes the voice out of the darkness....where? says the man..
Over here on the swing........

[Rubyacht]

Guys...I really needed that laugh! I'm exhausted and frustrated from being up all night changing a light bulb, crammed in my Safari with 96 other people.....

[norbert]

You must truely be a remarkable woman.....it could possibally be
a new world record...imagine going to ralleys and registering for
airstream stuffing.....forget about telephone boothes and V.W.
(telephone booths? excuse me,i am dating myself)

[remark83]

The perfect camping breakfast
Sitting in your a/s at the table
Your son's picture on the box of wheaties
Your daughter's picture on the cover of Forbe's magazine
Your misteress's photo on the cover of Penthouse
Your wife's photo on the back of the milk carton

[canny_banjo_man]

One day a FEMALE brain cell accidentaly drifted into a MANS brain, after awhile she shouted...."Hello...hello anyone here", no reply, so she moved a little bit to one side, "Hello anyone here, HELLO"...still no answer, so she decided to sit on the floor...and with a huge bellow... "H E L L O is there anyone else in here besides me, are I the only brain cell in here".
" No, no we're all here"...a voice called, " Where, said the female cell, where the hell are you all"..." DOWN HERE BELOW..." came the reply " WAY, way down here "...
...Chris.....

[norbert]

four married guys go fishing, after a while the first guy sez..
you have no idea what i had to go through to go fishiing today, ihad to promise my wife id paint the house next week...
2nd guy sez, ihad to promise to clean the basement....
3rd guy sez , well i had to promise id build her a deck...silence......
well what about you?.......
4th guy sez, i set my alarm clock for 5:30, it goes off...i roll over turn off the alarm and then nudge my wife and say sex or fishing?

she says, "dont forget to wear a sweater.......

norby

[sjptak]

remark83......

My wife thinks that she may not like you. I'm not sure why. She just said it was cuz she was reading a thread............

Of course, I couldn't stop laughing and that made matters worse.