Bad Times....

[canny_banjo_man]

Hi All... Jus a line 2 let U kn I R still readin U Guys...but sorry I not bn joinin in lately, due 2 My Mom havin a fall over Xmas, & is still in Hospital, where they found Her secret lump, as She calls it, turns out its a Cancer tumor... She had Her 82nd Birthday on thursday, & had a cake & the nurses sang happy B/Day 2 Her... 'Fraid she lost abt 3 stone in 2 month, put the wind up us 2 say the least, extensive talks with the Doctors, Specialist & who ever... it's not good news i'm affraid... tho still has 2 have lot more tests, Her Heart is playin up a bit 2, so treatment 4 Her is very limited...plus bein a diabetic aint helpin, BUT She still smilin, tho in denial of Her cndition, She will need & get a lot of help B4 She is allowed home, My sister wants Her put in2 a home... us 3 Boys, as Mom calls us, aint gonna let that happen... Time is not on Her side nor is Her age, but we ALL with Her....
I jus thought I let U kn, so if I aint around 4a while, I aint gone awol, as it were, I did try 2 post a few times last week, but I jus could'nt seem 2 send it 4 some reason, & yesterday, I could'nt even get in2 the Forum... Read U all soon, ... Chris n Family.....

[53flyingcloud]

Chris,
Sounds like ur mom is quite a lady with an uphill fight on her hands..
Our heartfelt prayers for her.
Best of wishes to you during this trying of times.
take care..
T7

[juel]

In American we have a wonderful alternative to nursing homes for those who are facing the end of, what for your mom, sounds like a wonderful life. It's called Hospice. These are nurses that come to your home and help you with the care of your mom. They are a great help to the sick but also a wonderful helping friend to those who must do most of the care, YOU. Here there would no charge to the family Be sure to be a good listener to mom when she talks about her life. Denial is the first stage of going through this process. It is we humans way of coping with a situation we can't quite believe we are in. Denial is not a bad thing-go with it. My mom passed away at 87 on Christmas day. It's hard, but we have memories.

[Stefrobrts]

Sorry to hear it Chris, sounds like tough times. She's lucky to have her 'boys' sticking by her side to give her the support she needs. Take care of yourself, and we'll be thinking of you and your family

[maxandgeorgia]

Chris, you've cheered us all many times in the past with your posts to this forum. I hope that knowing your mother and your family are supported with the concern and prayers of our members will now help you and yours. Please keep us posted. ~G

[Foiled Again]

We are all thinking of you. My mum is 85 and failing too. Sort of "everything-itis". We are very lucky to have a clear understanding with her main doctor, a geriatric specialist who takes charge when various other doctors get too enthusiastic. We've seen several of her friends and neighbors have heart bypass surgery, aggressive chemotherapy, etc. Most don't survive the treatment for a year - and many elders come out of general anesthesia with severe mental deficits (a polite way of saying that they seem to leap into senility). Often older people do very well on chemo that is designed to put their cancer into a "holding" state rather than going for a cure. I have two friends with terminal cancer who were both diagnosed over 4 years ago.

We hope you are able to keep your mother comfortable - first, last and always that is the best and only thing. And if caring for her in her or your home isn't possible (too many stairs, doorways too narrow for a wheelchair, etc.) don't feel guilty. Just find a home where you can visit any time of day or night, and set up a schedule so that someone spends time with her every single day.

We will think of you and pray for your whole family.

Tin Lizzie

[canny_banjo_man]

Hi All... Firstly thank you ALL 4 Yr kind words, I kn this forum IS 4 the enjoyment of NICE things... not 2 read Me goin on abt My family problems, however, I'm glad I did, simply 'cos I do read what U write, & I DO understand what U all say... My D/W & Me, jus got bk from a family meetin, Her Boys as Mom calls Her... I guess She done a good job bringin us up all alone since '58... 'tho We all went our seperate ways, we nvr deserted Her... My eldest Brother whom I rarely spoken 2 for over 35 years, was 4 once quite civil & understandin... My Middle Brother, who has bn chosen by Mom 2 take care of things 4 Her, We had a kinda get2gether pow-pow, We all had our inns n outs of Mom, ALL 4 Her own good, naturaly, Dianne decided that She will give up Her work 2 tend Her, as She lives quite near... I learnd that Mom is a lot more poorly than I was led 2 believe... & the mention of the Mc.Millan Hospice would B a wonderful place 4 Mum... BUT NONE of us want that 4 Her, She loves Her home, & Her garden...& We all Love MOM... I also learned that Mom had saved a lot of Pennies over the year, & that who gets what, Premature I kn, My God I said, the VULTURES have came outta the cupboards, but NOT at all, things gotta B faced...personaly if I thought My share would BUY My mom an extra hour... I would happily give ALL I OWN...
... But sadly, things R kinda different 2day, Thursday, Her B/day, saw Her the happiest person in the world, not a care, full of colour... 2day, Well looks like the make up artist from the Rocky Horror Show bn 2 C Her... But She still My Mom, Still in Denial, still smilin, knwin people R talkin abt Her, usin Big medical words, & noddin at one another, keepin secrets from Her... But U wanna kn somethin... She KNOWS... She aint stupid, I wanna ask Her how She feelin, But I dare'nt, 'cos I kn the answer I'll get from Her... " I'm waitin 4 God Son... Waitin 4 God "... Well I jus hope He aint gonna B 2 long... She's hurtin... & I can't bear 2 C Her suffer...Bless Her... Chris.....

[tin sista]

Chris, Paula, so sorry you're going through this. It is wonderful that you and your families are present for your mothers at this time. How better to show them that they are loved than to spend time with them? Your love and loyalty is a great testament to your mothers' work (both Chris and Paula).
Feel comforted knowing that others care and keep you in their thoughts and prayers.

[pmclemore]

So sorry to hear of your news, Chris. Our thoughts are with you and your family.

If I can be so bold as to offer a word of advice, it would be to talk with her, and encourage her to talk with you. No subject is off limits - I think you may be surprised about the depth of thought she has already put into the matter, and would appreciate being spoken to as an adult.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It is an honor.
Pat

[canny_banjo_man]

Well thank U Guys 4 lettin Me "" Dump on U "" & Thank U Airstream, 4 rememberin it's My BIRTHDAY ( 53 ) 2day... With all he stuff goin on around My Family & Myself, I jus kinda 4rt I'yd catch up on it later... not the case sadly... not 2 worry, always next year...( SIGH ! )...
Pmclemore, thank You 4 Yr kind words, infact THANK ALL OF U... 2Day WE did sit & TRY 2 talk 2 Mom, but She knows best, She DOES kn how ill She is, & whats goin on with Her, She IS 100% on the ball, as it were... She gone in2 total denial, She says She jus a bit off & puts it down 2 Her age & it being winter... & it realy nothing 2 get concerned abt, We have decided She is NOT going in2 a Home, but will have a special Mc. Millan nurse visit Her every day, besides the Sister in law will give up Her job, & tend 2 Her all day, with the things Mom can't do... We will ALL still do our lttl bits 4 Her, like I'll upkeep Her garden & do Her Bread run, One will bring Her flowers...& so on, Nothin will change 4 Her, except Mom will NOT lift a finger in the general household chores, She already burned 3 teatowels on Christmas eve... so that'll change 4a start... Tho Mom IS very Independant indeed, & quite stubborn at times, I kn She will kn that WE ALL kn how She is, & hopefuly we R tryin 2 make Her as comfortable as We all can...& We will tell Her so, afterall, We only got ONE MUM...Thank You ALL 4Yr support durin our Family ordeal... Bless You ALL...Chris.....

[Lee Pace]

Bless you Chris and your family,

You are a wonderful son and I know your mom is so comforted to have all of you. We will keep you and your family in our prayers.

Lee Pace
Greenville, Tx.
WBCCI 7287

[canny_banjo_man]

2day Mum was allowed out of Hospital 4a Home visit, 2 cut it all short they bunged Her in wheelchair, took Her by Special Taxi, 2 Her bungalow, the social services rushed Her around the place, & fired questions at an alarming rate, so basicaly Mum was sayin Yes 2 the NO's, & vice versa... I was there & took it all in, goodness who they thought I was... My Sis-in-law... looked on in amazement, havin 27 years experience workin in a home 4 the Aged... said She saw nothing like it in Her life... Then WE kicked in... I started, I can not repeat what I said..., But I guess U gotta grand idea.... Well after Dianne told them they were outta order in the manner they escorted n spoke 2 My mum... I had a few words, turns out Dianne IS more Qualified than the 2 of those idiots put 2gether... So We told them that they Would B reported, & We R going 2 take it further... a LOT further, & WE WILL. They were jus BULLIES, 2 mid 30's versus a Sick 82 Yrs old Woman... I don't think so, it's disgraceful, it realy is... So as 4 decidin 2 Tend 4 mum at home, is a FAB idea, NO way Is Mum gonna B treated like Moo-Poo, not on Yr Nelly... Mum wants 2 go 2 Her home, She will get the treatment from the REAL ANGELS, the Cancer trained specialists Nurses, will visit every day or 2 days... She hates the Hospital, as they can do nothing 4 Her that will make Her recover, but what they can DO is take away Her pain, make Her Comfortable, & We'll make Her Smile agn... Bless Her, agn, Thank U ALL 4 yr kind words, When, She gets 2 come home is another story... If I have 2 go get Her in My wheelbarrow & sneak Her outta there, then that B it...Chris.....

[Condoluminum]

Chris-

More thoughts and prayers with you and the family.. Your story and others like it here are reminders that a leaky rivet or misfiring furnace are minor issues in the great scheme of things... Many of us have had to deal with similar issues: home care, hospice care, denial and sqaubbles amongs the siblings.. There is no perfect answer, but doing the best you can each day is the best possible answer, and we all wish you the best, and look forward to having you back on the Forum in good spirits!

John McG

[Jim Jarzabek]

Life is about so many different things....
Each of which can arise at any given moment.
Bless your mom!
My familys' thoughts are with her and you both.