Are any of these tools familiar?

[russingr]

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh--...."
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[ROBERT CROSS]

YES...many times😂

Bob
🇺🇸

[moosetags]

I have all those tools. Isn't that they way they are supposed to work???

Brian

[Hittenstiehl]

Sounds like you have lots of great diy experience.

[garry]

I wonder if there is a class that teaches all these handy tricks it would save all us DIY's a lot of on the job training.

[Hittenstiehl]

I think that is the class, life 101, and this is the reminder. A couple of those I was not familiar with yet so hopefully we remember.

[PKI]

The short 9 week high school shop class taught safety lessons for these tools. The machine shop foreman would not let me use them until I showed him the safe way. We did have a guy over spin a lathe and throw a tooling block across the shop one night. Foreman put him on the deburr bench for a month. The only tool that I can't master safely is a burr knife. They reach out and cut you as soon as you pick one up. Pat

[pjshier]

Outstanding list! I can relate entirely. I would explore another class of “tools” used around RVs and airplanes: MEK, lubricants, and two part paints. Let you imagination run...

[Overstreet]

Although I can sympathize and recognize these tools it seems that if you find yourself using them frequently you need to obtain and use the phone number of the local handyman service.

[1973Argosy]

Originally Posted by Overstreet

Although I can sympathize and recognize these tools it seems that if you find yourself using them frequently you need to obtain and use the phone number of the local handyman service.

I have all of these tools plus more and put them to use quite regularly. For many of us, especially in the vintage crowd, the use of these tools is kind of a right of passage. I will gladly use my tools instead of calling a handyman that may or may not have the IQ of a rock. Another plus of having the tools and the knowledge to use them is knowing my trailer inside out. You will never see a mobile rv mechanic holding me over a barrel at my campsite.....

[HappyHapgood]

As a guy who has used pretty much all of those tools in the manner described while building an airplane, restoring cars or just plain breaking things... it’s dead nuts “on”.

[ITSNO60]

Originally Posted by Overstreet

Although I can sympathize and recognize these tools it seems that if you find yourself using them frequently you need to obtain and use the phone number of the local handyman service.

A a professional electrician I spend many, many hours un-doing handyman work and shaking my head.