A Very Different Kind of Life

[Lily&Me]

Spring has sprung in Central Illinois and I am now the proud owner of a Gorilla Cart. Sturdy, wheeled and with a tilt-to-dump feature. Needed something to haul and manage mulch, debris and wood with. Quite nifty, and my Lego-obsessed grandsons are whiz-bang at putting things together. Good thing, as I am not.

Have been dealing with Executor-of-will stuff the past few days. More involved than I thought. Folks, if you did your wills many years ago, like we did, might pull them out and see if they still say what you think they say and what you want them to say.

Lots of yard work to do, windows to wash, patios and porches to clean, etc. As long as the weather is decent, will have plenty outside to keep me busy for quite awhile.

I see threads that look interesting, just can't get myself into reading, posting and being light-hearted yet.

I received a list of donors to FaithWorks the other day, and there are several names on there that none of us recognize. If any reader here has donated and not received a thank you note from me, it's because I don't know who you are. We do thank you.

Wanted to check in and let those that are interested know all is well. Doin' okay, no puddles or heaps goin' on here.

XO Maggie

[moparjohn]

Maggie sounds like life is still going forward and you are keeping up. I care for a Mom with Parkinson's and every day is different. I have alot of the same duties here, boy winter sure does leave a mess behind. But the crocus and daffs are starting to bloom and the days are longer and warmer (THANK GOD!) I love spring cleaning and am a spring summer person so I'm coming out of a long winter peaked for viberance. We all keep going as well as we can......see you in the fall, I'm your nieghbor at Wateree! John

[strshpntrprz]

Your last post is the answer to a lot of prayers, I know a lot of people that would refuse to accept that life would be very different, and would be that puddle instead of taking your path.

[Lily&Me]

Lest it sound like I have fully come to grips with this, am unemotional and coping 100%, let me say that is not the case, but I think I am doing pretty well.

It is very, very difficult to digest that Doug is gone forever, and I miss him. I keep expecting him to come around the corner, pull into the driveway, come in from the garage with an armful of wood.

It is the chores involved with his death, and those of daily life that call to me and fill the days. That is good, in many respects, but remind me at every step that he is no longer here.

I just can't look at clutter and things to be done without getting to them, but everything was a joint project. We were fairly well joined at the hip, especially these last 6 1/2 years of retirement, and he was just that kind of man and husband.

If I was in the kitchen, he was in there helping with whatever needed to be done. Chopping, stirring, clearing away, doing dishes, getting out plates and forks, etc.

I envision him laughing as I struggled yesterday to flip the mattress and get the clean mattress pad and sheets on the bed without an extra set of arms....he always crawled across the bed and into the narrow area by the wall to handle that side, and would say every time that some day he was not going to be able to do this.

Also see him shaking his head because flowered sheets went on the bed this week......never would have happened while he was here. Flowers, especially roses, remind me of him, and I intend to surround myself with them.

I have several English bone china tea and coffee mugs on their way to me, that I found online, Each have different rose patterns on them, and one each will go to the girls in the family, to drink their tea or coffee from and think of our dear Doug/Dad. I will drink from mine every day, look at those roses and think of my sweet hubby.

I have woken up the past few mornings to find Lily curled on the bed next to me. She waits til I am sound asleep, then makes herself comfortable. I have a lavender oil-infuser in my bedroom, which has greatly helped the quality of my sleep, but is also allowing her to sneak up there without me being aware.

Going to get the Sunday papers this morning, work in the yard some more and cook dinner for my kids and grands later this afternoon. The boys have been little worker bees for Grandma, and don't seem to mind it a bit.

Sympathy cards still arriving, friends and family checking in and all the support here. I am a lucky woman, in many respects, and very consciously know that.

Thank you all,

XO Maggie

[DIR1]

that was beautiful... thanks for sharing.. hugs to you, gail

[Lily&Me]

Thank you, Gail.

It is a mixed bag of feelings for me, posting here about life without my sweet husband.

I'm going to trust that one or more of you will pm me and tell me it's time to shut up, should the time come. Please.

Until then, when I feel like sharing something, I will.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Instead of doing yard work this morning, I got into our lock boxes and spent half the day going thru the items in there......sorting, organizing, pitching things that were obsolete, organizing into folders....and organizing some more. All is now neat, tidy, organized and current.

Found a couple of things I was looking for, that are needed for estate issues, also what appears to be Doug's original social security card.....signed in his young, adolescent handwriting.

Having worked as a single woman, then married/divorced and married again, I have had three social security cards with three different names. From the looks of this card, it was the only one Doug ever had. Put it with his things, for his kids.

If your personal papers are in the state ours were....just tossed into a fireproof box.....perhaps take a few hours and pull things together. It will be easier for those you leave behind.

Put tags on your valuables and family heirlooms, as well, so that their history is clear and laid out for posterity. Doug was a man who kept his people and kept his things. He had a nail clipper with his initials on it, given to him as a gift by someone he worked with at the movie theatre where he ushered in high school. Many things are obviously quite old but kept for sentimental reasons....some of these I know the story of, but many I don't.

Been filling some hours the last few weeks lost in Downton Abbey Seasons 1-3. We had just bought these and begun watching them when Doug was stricken. So easy to get absorbed in them.

Doug really enjoyed Downton Abbey, in spite of his initial misgivings about what he termed an evening "soap opera", after we began watching it just earlier this year. He said he especially enjoyed and appreciated hearing the English language spoken as it was intended to be.


Maggie

[Pagey]

Maggie:

Thank for the reminder to stay on top of important documents. We were looking at fire-proof safes today in prep for future lives as full-timing Airstreamers.

As for heirlooms, most of them are from my family. We have no children and neither of my brothers, both the one still living and the one who died last year, have children. Thus, heirlooms are being auctioned and sold at garage sales.

And the other thing to remember is to have a list of user names and passwords for banking and other online sites, etc, so that the remaining spouse can access and cancel accounts if necessary.

Be well, Maggie, and looking forward to meeting you at Falluminum at Lake Wateree.

[TinCrumpet]

Maggie[/QUOTE]

..I think of you when Hx1 makes me laugh
I think of you when Im planning my next trip
and think of you when soaking pleasure from posies ..
Dear Maggie..This time next year we shall have enough money for our cottage extension which will grant us 2 bedrooms instead of one..I could not help but wonder if you would by then be up to a trip to England..to do as you please..to do something or nothing..to visit Hx1 and Jelly in London and trickle around the countryside lanes for easy going pleasures..If by next year you feel up to an adventure and Should money be a bind..do not fret about Dollars and Pounds we can muck in and find both ..

Here is a small sum of my flowers..a fraction of personal presents over the years from Hx1 Hx2 and treats to mineself..Such a sorry shame I'm still not quite well enough after this dratted scarlet fever to find and mess about with even more ..
the pretty show would have been much longer..

My favourite flowers are narcissi and Lilies..to me they are the most wonderful for their prettyness and scent..a miracle to behold no less..In fact I recently captured these birthday flowers in March to keep forever ...I hope you enjoy the view and give some thought 12 months from now on a trip over the seas..
we would take jolly good care of you ..

Love Lili Lettice Leatherby [TC] Hx1 Hx2 & Jelly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZSC...ature=youtu.be

[Lily&Me]

Awww, Lily, you are the sweetest thing.

Might just come to England for a visit at some point in time, and would accept your hospitable offer of a room for awhile.

Have been to England before, a couple of times. My daughter did a semester in London her senior year of college.

Am pm'ing you contact information for my son, who will be in London twice this month on business.

XO Maggie

[TinCrumpet]

Originally Posted by doug&maggie

Awww, Lily, you are the sweetest thing.
Might just come to England for a visit at some point in time, and would accept your hospitable offer of a room for awhile.
Have been to England before, a couple of times. My daughter did a semester in London her senior year of college.
Am pm'ing you contact information for my son, who will be in London twice this month on business.

XO Maggie

Gotcha..ill contact him..
hopefully the slidee will work now…
it was set to private which I've altered..
Thanks for the kindest of words but I just think..
there goes someone and that someone could be me ..thats all

[Lily&Me]

Yep, it could be any of us, losing a spouse very suddenly, without warning, far from home. A reasonably young and healthy spouse, as well.

I worked with a woman many years ago who lost her 32 year old husband to the same kind of cardiac event that took Doug. Worked with another young nurse whose husband died suddenly and left her with 5 small children to raise by herself. Could it be worse? Yes, it could.

My social worker daughter wants me to get long-term life insurance, saying "Mom, most people don't die like Doug did". Meaning that they are infirm, fragile, perhaps in nursing homes or Alzheimer units for years. She knows, and has seen the government take every last thing a person owns before they will pay these expenses. So much to think about.

Filed his will at the courthouse today, and am working on "estate" issues, which are going to be more involved and complicated than first thought. Don't have the medical bills yet, but they will be coming.

It's going to be a soak-in-the-tubbie-with-a-glass-of-wine night.

Doing okay, still standing and plodding on but feeling a bit battered today. I have plenty of wine.

Don't ask.....I'll be fine.


Maggie

[Mockinbrd]

Ok Maggie,
What are you drinking?
I'm looking for the name of a good white wine. I usually drink Kendal Jackson...something.
Since you mentioned wine, I thought, perhaps this thread could make a short little detour; a little suggestion to me without getting too far from the original intent of 'a very different way of life'.
Any wine recommendations?
Mockinbrd

[Lily&Me]

Detours are good....we used to call them "adventures".

I am a glass at a time girl, and only a glass or two a week.

I am especially partial to the Copa Di Vino, wine by the glass product from Oregon. Reds, whites, zinfandels, Moscato. Oregon wine, packaged and distributed there, and very good, IMO.

A 7 oz glass, pretty good sized. Doug and I would usually share it. Now I drink it all.

I prefer Riesling and White Zinfandel, occasionally Moscato......or Proseco, my favorite.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Originally Posted by TinCrumpet

Maggie

Here is a small sum of my flowers..a fraction of personal presents over the years from Hx1 Hx2 and treats to mineself..Such a sorry shame I'm still not quite well enough after this dratted scarlet fever to find and mess about with even more ..
the pretty show would have been much longer..

My favourite flowers are narcissi and Lilies..to me they are the most wonderful for their prettyness and scent..a miracle to behold no less..In fact I recently captured these birthday flowers in March to keep forever ...I hope you enjoy the view and give some thought 12 months from now on a trip over the seas..
we would take jolly good care of you ..

Love Lili Lettice Leatherby [TC] Hx1 Hx2 & Jelly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZSC...ature=youtu.be

[/QUOTE]

Lili, this is the most beautiful video of your flowers.... and your motorhome with flowers!

I have sent it on to the kids and saved it permanently for myself to watch when I please.

Thank you for taking the time to do this.

Doug would be saying "too much girl stuff", with the flowered sheets I put on the bed the other day. I actually wouldn't have done it if he were here.

Wait til he sees the coffee mugs that will be here tomorrow.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

A very busy day yesterday, medical things for me, estate things, etc., but it's all starting to pull together, bit by bit. Picked up a pocket organizer thingy for estate stuff and bills....can't stand the piles of paper. Doug liked piles of papers, and notes written on little scraps. They're everywhere.

The ants found a new place to gather, requiring a return visit from American Pest Control....at no charge. Good folks, and local...I like them. Dratted little ant critters. I do think we have them about eradicated.....but for this new hiding spot, now treated. They are most unhappy.

Our wonderful Edward Jones financial advisor, Josh Hardt, has been a trusted friend to us for almost 20 years. Never steered us in the wrong direction, not once, and was instrumental in getting us to the early retirement place in 2007.

Three trips to his office in the past week, meeting with him, asking questions, signing things, taking care of this and that.

Josh is one of those rather rare and highly evolved people, with a fully functioning moral compass, who we trust completely. A rock through this, and very accessible, as he has been thru other life events, we are grateful every day that he is in our life.

After running all day yesterday, am staying home today.....supposed to be 69 and sunny.....to wash windows and do some outside tidying up, perhaps clean and vacuum the Interstate, which has not been touched since I've been home on the 14th. It's time. I will be the one to crawl on the floor to vacuum the dust, sand and dog hair from the under-areas...something Doug always did, as he had better knees than mine.

Also staying home because there are deliveries due today....the Blue Apron gift from Mockknbrd, my rose cups/mugs, and a sun-brella to use this weekend whenI go to watch Doug's son play rugby in St. Louis. He invited me, I'm going.

Have an invite to camp the end of this month, but am just not ready for that. Also need to dewinterize again and get a bead of caulk put around things on the roof. Moraine View is my target first-time-out-without-Doug. Many people I know there, it will be very comfortable.

Had an email from FaithWorks yesterday, thanking us again for the Memorials to Doug donations coming in, and advising they are sending a printout with names and addresses of donors. Those out there who have been hiding will now receive a personal thank you from me.

The credit union also printed a check to FaithWorks out of the Memorial Account yesterday which will go out today, for all but the $25 needed to keep the account open. Going to let it sit open a bit, in case there is more, as I am still getting sympathy cards from family and friends far away.

Lily is sleeping at the foot of my bed every night. Starts out in her own, ends up in mine. She must wait til I'm in deep sleep, as I never feel her, just find her there when I wake up.

Such a sweet baby.

Thanks to you all for the support and love.

XO Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Well, I got the windows washed yesterday and the front porch scrubbed and rinsed. Nice to look out thru clean windows. Doug always did the outside, I did the inside.

Cooked a spectacular salmon dinner last night from Mockinbrd's Blue Apron gift to me.

Thought I would put off cleaning the Interstate til today....still haven't done it. Doug is everywhere I look and he was stricken in the Interstate, sitting next to me on the rear bench. We did CPR on him in there.

If it isn't something of his when I open a drawer or closet, it is something where I say to myself "the last person to touch this was Doug", "Doug bought this" or "I bought this for Doug". There are two oranges in the fruit basket that we bought in Georgia day before he was stricken. Can't eat them, can't throw them out.

I have a ring of "mystery keys". I have no idea what they are for or what locks they fit. He was such a pack rat, some might be from old apartments or houses he lived in, or his dorm room from college. He got real pleasure from old things that reminded him of old times and the old days. He would pull something out, show it to me and say "this is from.......". I dare not throw them out, ever.

Did find on this ring the key to the padlock on the storage unit, but can't really look for anything in there til my son can help me because it is packed floor to ceiling with boxes, furniture, etc, I know, because I went out there this afternoon. A couple of things I really need to find, but they will have to wait a little bit longer.

Doing okay, overall. Tears stay very close to the surface most of the time. He's been gone 4 weeks. Still seems very unreal.

XO Maggie

[DIR1]

Clean windows!!! Yes!! maybe I should do that too!!!... a start on spring... if the sun comes out, that is...ahahaha... H&L, gail
Or I could change the Avatar to something sunny??

[Foiled Again]

Maggie, grief comes in waves. Sometimes you think it's getting better, then the next wave hits when you least expect it and it feels like it's getting worse.

I promise you this - over time the waves will hit but the tide does go out. You won't feel like the worst is over until one day it will hit you that it HAS been better for several weeks or even several months.

Even today if you had to choose between never having met Doug and hence never having to feel this pain, you'd choose the man, the love, and the good memories even knowing that the loss would happen. In time just the good memories will remain.

Paula

[Reganzo]

Originally Posted by doug&maggie

Tears stay very close to the surface most of the time. He's been gone 4 weeks. Still seems very unreal.

I got some advice 15 years ago from an ICU Nurse who was caring for my wife during her struggle with a rare blood disease, and subsequent hemoragic stroke. She told me to take several deep cleansing breathes in through the nose and. Out through the mouth whenever I felt stressed and overwhelmed.

I have taken thousands of them while caring for my wife, and they really help with the tension in your stomach...I recommend them for all of us

Regards,

Reganzo