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Old 08-11-2014, 01:31 PM   #533
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Maggie - The rug is beautiful and I bet very comfy to step on!!
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Old 08-11-2014, 01:35 PM   #534
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Thanks, folks.


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Old 08-13-2014, 05:51 AM   #535
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5 months.

I start experiencing an "anniversary" as each month comes to a close, and the next begins, when my mind insists on going repeatedly to " " months ago, Doug was still alive, and..... His daughter tells me the same is true with her.

Maybe this will pass with time, but it's hard to imagine right now.

Lily slept in her own bed in our room last night, for the first time since we returned home. She has been insistent on occupying a space on our antique double bed.

Not really room for me and a 52lb dog at my feet, but at least she has conceded to an afghan on the foot of the bed rather than stretched out alongside me......her preferred spot. She hops up, licks my face, gives me "the look", and lays down......like she just has to be there. So, I let her. She misses him, too.

I'd like to think Doug paid a visit last night, and laid down beside me for a bit, keeping Lily off the bed.

We're having unusually cool weather here in Central Illinois, so I gathered up raspberries on sale yesterday and made jam. Yum!

Have a good week.


Maggie


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We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast, but when we say this we imagine that hour as placed in an obscure and distant future. It never occurs to us that it has any connection with the day already begun or that death could arrive this same afternoon, this afternoon which is so certain and which has every hour filled in advance.
~ Marcel Proust
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:09 AM   #536
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Maggie,
Following your post and glad to see how strong you are and how week you are doing. I know you don't show the bad days (none of us do) buy are a strong sail in the wind...

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Old 08-13-2014, 01:22 PM   #537
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Thank you.

You know, I am sad every day, and a bit depressed by the 12th of every month, but haven't had any really bad days since the three days straight that I cried in MN. I think I just needed to do that.

I'm sure more bad days will come, but would like to think they will be fewer and farther between than those early months.

I am sending a few quotes to Doug's kids, who seem to also find some comfort in the words of others. A hard thing we are all dealing with and going through....each from the perspective of our individual relationships with him.

Am out of town today, fighting for truth and justice. Cross your fingers that right beats might.


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Old 08-13-2014, 03:40 PM   #538
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Good job girl!

Spellcheck did not realize that I was saying how well you are doing.....and you are. The loss is very hard to recover from, but you are doing all the right things.

And you are a strong sail in the wind.....

Hope to meet you someday.
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Old 08-13-2014, 04:10 PM   #539
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I knew what you meant, and thanks.


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Old 08-13-2014, 04:19 PM   #540
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Hi Maggie, I couldn't figure it out?? (Photobum's post??) it's rainy here today and I'm making blackberry jelly!!! we have tons of wild blackberries up here ( NW Oregon) and they make the best jelly... love the quotes... hugs, gail
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:03 PM   #541
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Knowing she meant well, I figured "week" was supposed to be "well", and the rest "but you are a strong sail in the wind".

Sometimes I'm a strong sail, other times I flap.

Mmmm, blackberries. I remember picking (and eating) wild blackberries when we visited the Redwoods a number of years ago.


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Old 08-14-2014, 01:05 AM   #542
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Hi Maggie, I couldn't figure it out?? (Photobum's post??) it's rainy here today and I'm making blackberry jelly!!! we have tons of wild blackberries up here ( NW Oregon) and they make the best jelly... love the quotes... hugs, gail
Hi, soon we are going to pick some more FREE Blackberries. I don't think I could ever make the jelly out of them like you do. We want to freeze some for family and friends; New garage refrigerator should be here any day now.
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Old 08-14-2014, 07:43 AM   #543
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Maggie, I echo the other's comments. It is a tough road to follow, but one that you must as there isn't any other, meaning that the loved one has passed and there isn't any changing that.

I can say, from my own experience when my sister passed in 2004, in the beginning, probably first 4-6 months, I constantly thought "Oh, wait until I tell Roxie about this!", and then would remember that she wasn't here any longer. I would also do the "counting" thing -- saying just one week ago she was still here and we had no idea, then it would be months, but finally, approx. before a year had passed, that faded. I still mentally "talk" to her, but I don't receive replies. I can only imagine how much more intense the feelings must be when it has been a spouse/best friend/lover who has passed and is no longer available for any interaction. Not looking forward to that at all.

I normally begin my day by checking your thread to see if there have been any postings.

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Old 08-14-2014, 08:30 AM   #544
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Thank you, Deb.

One of my daughter's best friends, here at the little house soon after Doug died, is a remarkable and enlightened young woman and chiropractor. She has believed since adolescence, and incorporated into her life, that our bodies can heal themselves, given the proper tools.

She told me that she firmly believes things happen for a reason, and that there is something I am supposed to do with this loss that will help others, that maybe I should write about it.

I told her I was doing that...and, here I am, still writing. What has been so helpful and cathartic, for me, has apparently been so for others, it seems. Things happen for a reason. We are all connected, more alike at our core than we are different, our expressed experiences resonating deeply with others who have been through the same.

How could I have known, when I got on these Forums 6 years ago or so, that the depth of support I have received through people here would be such soul-comfort to me every moment of this dreadful and unexpected journey.

You cannot begin to know, folks, the difference your presence has made, during this experience, to me. You who I have met, and many whom I have not. There for me, extending support and compassion. Always here, whenever I want to drop in and/or have thoughts begging expression.

It warms and comforts my heart, every day, and I thank you.


On another note....during my evening readings on the IPad I have come across some special quotes from Ernest Hemingway, a writer Doug read and appreciated thoroughly. We visited Hemingway's home in Key West, walked the areas where he lived in Paris, watched movies about his life. Doug loved, and I think identified in some ways, with Hemingway.

I'm going to break with my self-imposed rule, here, and post a couple of those quotes at one time. Am thinking of having one of them engraved on a stone for Doug's gravesite. He would like that. I'd like to think they will meet in the afterlife, share a cigar and talk about life, love, writing and reading.

Maggie
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Old 08-14-2014, 08:39 AM   #545
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Evenings on the IPad:

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.
Ernest Hemingway

Never to go on trips with anyone you do not love.
Ernest Hemingway

It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.
Ernest Hemingway

The first and final thing you have to do in this world is to last it and not be smashed by it.
Ernest Hemingway

Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.
Ernest Hemingway
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Old 08-14-2014, 09:35 AM   #546
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Wonderful thoughts. And it is all about the journey....
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