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Old 06-24-2014, 04:58 PM   #421
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Y'all are so sweet.

I don't think there is anything to make it easier, really.

Also don't have a list, but would suggest periodic reviews and updates to wills, checking into the costs of whatever cremation or burial you plan, and be sure you have adequate life insurance or other monies set aside for that.

One thing he was going to do, but didn't, was label items as to where they came from and who he wanted them to go to. There were things we have no idea about.....probably his as a child, might have belonged to his dad.

Maybe in general, plan today as if you may die tomorrow....because you could.


Maggie
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Old 06-25-2014, 06:16 AM   #422
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Your personality sounds so much like mine and my husband is the more laid back one. I also used to work for the State. I was a child abuse investigator before "retiring" to raise my own children.
We would have to be different, or our couple-hood would self-destruct. It's all about balance.

Aspects of personalities are highly functional in some settings, and at certain times, but not so much in others. For all of us, therein lies the core of many problems.

Always seeking to understand everything and everyone, including myself, I was reading something about impatience the other day and one statement seemed particularly apropos, germane, fitting.....that impatience views all things as obstacles to the completion of the task at hand.

There could not be a more perfect description.

A new, mini-mantra, which I will speak silently when I find myself in highly wired mode......

"all things are not obstacles"



Human growth and development, a lifelong process.


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Old 06-25-2014, 06:37 PM   #423
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Hi Maggie, still faithfully following you... and learning new things all the time... hugs, gail
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Old 06-25-2014, 06:52 PM   #424
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Hi, gail......thanks.

If you go away because this no longer interests you, my feelings would not be hurt.

Have you heard from Lili lately?


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Old 06-25-2014, 10:21 PM   #425
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not a peep????
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Old 06-25-2014, 10:22 PM   #426
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It'll be a long time before this thread doesn't interest me anymore... if ever!!! hugs
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Old 06-26-2014, 12:19 AM   #427
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Another treasure I found online................evenings on the IPad.

as i sit in heaven and watch you every day
i try and let you know with signs, i never went away.
i hear you when you're laughing, and watch you as you sleep
i even place my arms around you to calm you as you weep.
i see you wish the days away, begging to have me home
so i try to send you signs so you know you're not alone.
don't feel guilty that you have life that was denied to me
heaven is truly beautiful, just you wait and see.
so live your life, laugh again, enjoy yourself, be free
then i'll know with every breath you take
you'll be taking one for me.


Maggie
The muse invigorates the will to survive.

This reminds me of the hours, weeks, and months spent looking at the sky after I lost everyone who meant anything almost concurrently. It was like a plane crash.
Slam!
Where did everyone go?
All alone.
Suddenly.

Take care, Maggie.
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Old 06-26-2014, 05:34 AM   #428
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The muse invigorates the will to survive.

This reminds me of the hours, weeks, and months spent looking at the sky after I lost everyone who meant anything almost concurrently. It was like a plane crash.
Slam!
Where did everyone go?
All alone.
Suddenly.

Take care, Maggie.
Wow, FaN. How perfectly awful for you.

I'm sorry.


Maggie
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:28 AM   #429
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Doug's kids will be here Saturday with a U-Haul, to gather up much of his things here and in the storage unit.

A number of Doug's possessions are staying at my home for awhile, maybe til I am gone, particularly what is on the wall in the back bedroom. All Grandpa Doug, all the time, back there, including the framed photo from visitation. I need this, and my kids/grands need it.

Then to begin their own round of sifting thru his treasures and memories. I don't envy them that, as it was a very tearful experience for me, pulling things together for them.

As executor of his estate, my authorized "payment" is a special memento or two of his, for my kids and grands.

Emma has the book of Yeats poetry she read to Grandpa from. My son and his boys each have one of the 15 pocketknives I found. Keeping for myself the tiny, red, swiss-army knife he carried everywhere, with the miniature scissors in it that he pulled out several hundreds of times over the years, and handed to me to cut yarn.

The sweet grand from Iowa City will have a sleepover with cousin Emma Saturday night, then accompany Grandma in the Interstate for a couple of days, to the cemetery and then on to Doug's mom's on Monday. Just the two of us, which will be nice.

We will visit the cemetery, check on the rosebush and deliver the Ithaca Rifle to its' new owner.

She doesn't know it, but her parents will have picked up their new puppy by the time they get her at her Great-Grandmother's house Monday evening. Having lost both of their aged spaniels in the last couple of years, they are adding a Labradoodle to their family.

I heard the windchimes in the night. Doug is doing well, he tells me. Watching over plans for his things, and other end of life matters, and will be here looking over shoulders on Saturday,


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Old 06-29-2014, 06:24 AM   #430
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Doug's things were loaded, lunch and cookies consumed, a nice visit had and everyone headed back to Iowa by mid-afternoon yesterday.....but for Miss Alice, who has 24 hours of joined-at-the-hip time with Emma, at her house, before heading back with Grandma this afternoon.

Alice is an only child, Emma has two older brothers. These two love each other, and have such a wonderful time together. Makes me all warm inside to see the bond between them.

My little house is rather bare in spots, now, but it's okay. I have plenty of Doug still here with me, and his kids need him, and some tangible items, with them, as well.

They have no issue with the wall things, and things special to me, staying here for now, which I am grateful for. I know they are glad their Dad and I had each other all these years.

We have tentatively planned, weather permitting, a family campout at Big River State Forest in August, in lieu of the cancelled trip to Madeline Island. No reservations needed, but a large, well-shaded, but sparsely used , campground where we can cook outside and the kids can run, ride their bikes and play til they drop.

A last hurrah of summer, before they all go back to school and likely won't see each other again til December.

Doug's best, gun-shooting friend from Gunsite is buying one of the two remaining handguns from Doug's daughter, left to her in his will.

Bill will shoot it, care for it and cherish it, and Doug would be happy to know he had it.

My son and his boys are at Scout camp this weekend. Caleb, the oldest, choosing his hat of Grandpa's for the weekend.

All is well, looking forward to this little trip.

Maggie
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Old 06-29-2014, 06:57 AM   #431
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I was reading something about impatience the other day and one statement seemed particularly apropos, germane, fitting.....that impatience views all things as obstacles to the completion of the task at hand.
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God, give me patience. NOW!
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Old 06-29-2014, 02:12 PM   #432
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I've been trying to learn patience all my life. Not an easy lesson.

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Old 07-01-2014, 06:58 AM   #433
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Alice and I spent a very humid, sticky night at Big River State Forest Sunday night, but I wanted her to see it and to get some photos to send to the kids.

She was a great companion.

On to the cemetery yesterday morning, rifle delivered to its' new owner and a must-stop for ice cream at Yotty's in Kalona before settling in to Doug's moms place for the night.

Spry, chipper, sharp as a tack, and will be 97 on her next birthday.

We had really hellatious storms and high winds here late yesterday, but no tree limbs down on our little rig and no leaks.

Signed up for a boondocking rally in Missouri on our way back from Alumalina in September. Familiar faces there, and destinations feel better than the wandering Doug & I did.

Just can't see roaming the country by myself. Driving the Interstate is easy, but not fun, for me. It is a means to get where I am going, and to care for myself and Lily along the way, but it holds no real pleasure at this time.

And, it feels sad, period, to not have Doug with me. Maybe that will change, but it will be a long while.

Off to MN today.


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Old 07-02-2014, 02:05 PM   #434
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It's a test.

Drove to Apple Valley, MN yesterday, to lovely Lebanon Hills Regional Park, where I spent the night.

Had my coffee this morning, watched a bit of news, drove to the campground office shortly after 8am to do a load of sweat-permeated clothes from the last few days.....and LOST MY KEYS!!

They have absolutely disappeared. Have taken the Interstate apart, retraced my route from walking the dog, checked the laundry, the garbage, under the vehicle, under the machines in the laundry room, everywhere, and campground staff have also looked. Nowhere. Incredible.

Could some mean-spirited person have picked them up and just pitched them or kept them?? The maintenance guys are mowing, now, so if they are on the grounds somewhere, they will be found....but, we've already looked.

Hours later, and considerable time on the phone, I have learned that my keys cannot just be "made", they have to be programmed, and this requires special equipment your average locksmith does not have.

The dealership nearby would have to order one, 3-5 days. AAA has no magic solution. My son has now located the spare set at home, and is overnighting them to me.

We apparently did not have a spare set with the vehicle, something it had not occurred to me to check for. Until I had to do a search for them. Doug would say we don't need spare keys, as he never loses his keys.

I will spend another night here, in the parking lot by the office, which they refuse to let me pay for.

Before I lost my keys this morning, I had slammed the back of my hand between the rear door and back bench, trying to keep the electrical cord in place whilst closing the door. A very large bruise is developing, due to my chemically thinned blood. Then, I put my dryer quarters in the slot for the top dryer but my clothes in the bottom dryer......15 minutes later, I come back to check them and see my mistake.

After I lost the keys, I told myself "bad things happen in three's", so this should be it for today.

It is a test, I think. If I am going to do any travel by myself, I have to be prepared for all things, including lost keys.

It could have been worse, I could have been someplace not as hospitable, or in sweltering heat in this parking lot. Temps have dropped about 20 degrees. I slept with the windows open last night. Or, already the holiday and no overnighting available for another day or two.

And so, venting a bit and sharing my experience. Don't feel sorry for me, I feel sorry enough for myself.......another Doug-ism.

My friends I am traveling to are just a few more hours north, so I will be there tomorrow instead of today.

Forcing myself to look on the positive side of things. It is not working too well, yet, but will, I am sure.

Have a happy 4th of July.


Maggie
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