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Old 05-17-2014, 08:38 AM   #281
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A few steps forward, one or two back, and so it goes.

Coming out of WalMart this morning, all of a sudden this sense of unreal-ness comes over me and I'm thinking "What am I doing out here by myself? Where is my husband?!. This intense feeling of loss washes over me and I get a little teary.

It passes. I come home, walk the dog, wash the sheets to hang on the line.

Does one ever really adjust? I'm sure they do, I am and will continue. Just not for a few minutes this morning.

The sun is shining, things to do outside. Going to get the plants in, wash the Interstate and do a little fixing in the rear where rust has gotten in.

Hope everyone's weather is improving.


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Old 05-17-2014, 10:39 AM   #282
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Maggie,

That's CDO, which is the same as OCD, but in alphabetical order like it should be.

You are doing great! Have a good trip and hope to meet you somewhere, sometime. We are scheduled for Alumilina Fall Edition, Falluminum, and Canopener.

Al
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Old 05-17-2014, 11:31 AM   #283
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Thank you.

I am a believer that there has to be one highly organized person in every relationship. Otherwise, it's all about chaos.

Am planning on being at Fall Alumalina, and am looking forward to it.

See you there.


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Old 05-17-2014, 04:22 PM   #284
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doug&maggie View Post

Does one ever really adjust?
Yes.

I think it is normal to be impatient with the process—after all, suffering is not what most of us want (masochists and other crazies excepted). Some want to ignore the grief process and that doesn't work—it just comes out later in worse ways. Stuffing emotions doesn't work for long. You're right—everyone does it their own way. Some need a grief group, others don't.

I'm sure I would be doing the same thing you seem to be—analyzing everything to make sure you're grieving properly. In suspect that goes along with your orderliness. I have piles of paper on both sides of the computer and unpacked boxes behind me. Barb would love to organize my office, but knows to stay out (I know where everything is!). She's got a file or a box for everything. I worry about her.

Looks to me like you are going through the process just as you should be. If you were like this a couple of years from now, then I would be concerned. Grief often takes 6 to 18 months, I think, but everyone does it differently.

We sent some really cold weather your way, but it seems to have gotten to Minnesota instead.

Gene
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Old 05-17-2014, 04:29 PM   #285
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We've had a very cold week, including a frost advisory this morning and chance of a few snowflakes just north of us. So, Minnesota did not get it all.

Warmer today and better tomorrow.

Figuring things out is what I do and who I am. I have a need to understand myself, my world and the people around me.....at least, most of the time. This time in my life is no different.

It is just awful that everyone has to experience the death of their loved ones. Some slowly, some not. There should be a better way.

What are we supposed to learn by losing those we love? Probably something, but I can't see it.


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Old 05-17-2014, 04:43 PM   #286
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Please do not overdo the sleeping pills. You will adjust. We all wish you well. Jim
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Old 05-17-2014, 04:48 PM   #287
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Thank you, Jim, and not to worry.

My Doctor is hyper-conservative about prescribing mood-altering medication. He trusts and recommended this particular pill, which is not habit forming. Cheap, too. I may take it the rest of my life.

I am one of those people for whom sleep is the first thing to go when anything is going on in my life. I LOVE going to bed and being able to sleep all night.

I'll be careful, and thanks for thinking of me.


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Old 05-18-2014, 01:21 PM   #288
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A beautiful, sunny and reasonably warm day here in central Illinois.

Started the day off getting the price down on some badly needed tree trimming in the back, doing a bit of bartering with homemade cookies and a pot of coffee.

Trimming is done, at a good price, cookies and coffee were consumed and I am awaiting the arrival of the grands to help haul branches to the curb. It's good to be a woman who bakes.

Have baked a chocolate birthday cake for my grandsons who live close, one turned 11 yesterday, the other 9 last month. They get a joint cake from Grandma, as two cakes in a month is too much....and they agree. They have been having "friend" parties these last few years, so Grandma does a little family celebration for them during Sunday night suppers here.

Solved an electrical problem by myself and am treating a bit of rust that has emerged under the gasket at the rear of the Interstate. POR15 is amazing.

Doing my things and those Doug did keep my days as full as I want them to be. It's a good thing, overall, having plenty to do.

Have had a "visiting" weekend, talking with friends, which has been really nice.

Hope the sun is shining for all of you. Doing pretty well here today.


XO Maggie
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Old 05-18-2014, 01:55 PM   #289
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OK Maggie ,
As part of your different kind of life, get use to your family and friends worrying about you, more.
This is good.
This can be a good pain-in-the-neck.
So, let me make my contribution to this.
There is an app that is called 'I am Here'. I know you are savvy enough to use it appropriately. But I was thinking when you travel it might help. What the App does is locate you via GPS -- then it -- (this is the cool part) -- you hit a button and an email appears-- you pull email address to your children and your location is shown -- you type in something like -- I'm tried but doing great! I am here.
Wa-La -- you are done in just a few minutes, everyone happy .

Just an idea. Think about it.
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Old 05-18-2014, 02:23 PM   #290
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That sounds really cool! I'm going to look for that app!

I know my kids are a bit worried about me being out & about on my own, but I tell them.....I'm only 65, I'm not ready for volunteer work and the Senior Center! I have some medical issues, also bad knees, but nothing debilitating, Also not going to do any remote camping or traveling unless with others. That's only sensible.

I will do destination travel. There are people I want to see and spend time with, and what better way to do that than with my house on my back.



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Old 05-18-2014, 06:44 PM   #291
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Have downloaded the Here I Am app for the bargain price of $1.99.

Easy to use and to email, will send this to my chillun every day I am on the road to somewhere.

They will like it, as will the grands.

Thank you, Mockinbrd,


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Old 05-18-2014, 07:17 PM   #292
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Hi Maggie. Been awhile since I sent you an email....but I read your updates as you post them. Feel that you are right on target as you go through this process (and it IS a process). When the feelings can't get out there is when most folks need some help. And, some days are just easier than others....so the up and down thing never really goes completely away. And, it is amazing what can set things off! My wife has been gone 23 years now, and it is always nostalgic, poignant, and even a bit sad when one of those memories returns. I'm glad they do as they remind me of how special she was. AND, when I see my grandkids I say, "they wouldn't be here if it weren't for her!" That's something that ALWAYS sticks with me. Keep posting...it's good for all of us. Hugs, Barry
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:19 PM   #293
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Thank you, Barry.


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Old 05-19-2014, 05:14 PM   #294
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I am a firm believer that one must look for the positives and those things to be grateful for in our lives. Makes life easier and more enjoyable, improves our attitude and makes us more appreciative.

If there can be an upside to losing one's spouse.....I know that I am healthier and physically stronger for doing the things that Doug always did. Hauling firewood, groceries, bags of dog food, etc., will build muscle and overall strength, good for me in the long run, especially as a woman not getting any younger.

Part of the deal with the good price on tree trimming was that I would get all the branches to the curb for the city to pick up. The grands and Grandma did that yesterday, over a couple of hours because there was a LOT of branches, then I spent another hour and a half or so this morning getting the trunk sections out of the back yard so it could be mowed. (Firewood, at a later point in time)

Aching, tired, but not exhausted. It's a good thing.

Doug is smiling somewhere, nodding his head and saying "You can do this, honey". I can and I am.

XO Maggie
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