A Very Different Kind of Life

[DIR1]

Hi Maggie... Thanks for all you've shared here.. I know it's been of benefit to many, myself included....
Lili closed her thread and you cutting back... I'll have to fine a new morning hobby!!! ahahah....
Keep going girl, you are doing great!!! Hugs to you, gail

[Lily&Me]

Thank you.

I think any shared life experience is of benefit to someone. I have benefited from others, they from mine.

It's a good thing.


Maggie

[Mockinbrd]

I'll miss your posts. Keep in touch!
Wish I could attend the rally (Moraine Valley) but it would work out. Maybe next year.

[ROBERTSUNRUS]

Hi, Maggie: Sounds like you are doing well. Many things to keep you busy. Very helpful that your son lives so close to you. I'm about two miles from where my Dad's house was and got many calls from him for help until he passed. As for parents, Lee Lee and I are empty nesters now. We plan to do a lot more traveling before we get too old ourselves. Make sure that if you have any concerns, or stories to tell us, that you post them.

[Lily&Me]

Thanks, folks.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

And so, in my new life without carnivore husband to feed, my diet is making some serious changes.

For the better, from the results of my last labs and visit to my primary care physician. An unintended consequence, he would say.

Never being the meatlover Doug was, as a loving wife always trying to be a good wife, I cooked his beef, chicken and pork and persuaded him to eat unfried fish and a few carefully crafted meatless meals each week.

He did, for me and in the interest of his own health, and was reasonably open to trying things such as farro, quinoa, beans of various sorts, etc. As long as I cooked his meat meals equally often. Such a good hubbie.

These days, without Doug to cook for and finding myself only infrequently inspired to cook for one, I find myself cooking very little. Especially in this hot weather.

Cook something I like, eat it three or four times, or freeze half for later. Put black beans with something in a whole grain tortilla, heat it up and, voila!...dinner for one! What's to enjoy. Fuel, primarily.

My trip to Iowa last weekend was a no-cook, 4 day trip. Didn't cook once, but morning coffee, while away. Cooked quinoa and farro ahead, for the little frig, made deviled eggs and tuna salad, had yogurt, fresh fruit and plenty of veggies.

Made main meals out of cold quinoa, blueberries and almond milk. Dinner salads with cold farro, fresh chopped veggies and vinaigrette. Delicious.

Doug is shuddering somewhere, looking over my shoulder while I prepare these things and eating whatever spirits eat.......shaking his head a bit, and glad that he is not on my new found, liberated meal planning.

I have moved into a pretty good rhythm of life on my own these days, especially post trip to Iowa for Memorial Day. I felt like I got to spend some time with him, which I very much liked and felt comforted by. Am looking forward to doing this again later this month.

Am planting a few more flowers, as they remind me of him, also because he is not here to cock an eyebrow, purse his lips and tell me things are getting a bit too girly for his liking.

I miss him every day, still talk to him and tell him I love him...every day, just like we always did. So glad that was not unsaid, but have wished desperately that he had regained consciousness for just a minute, so I could tell him one last time.

We don't get to choose, he would say.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Sweet Emma says to Grandma "This will be our first Father's Day without Grandpa". Yes, another first.

Then asks "What was the last holiday we had with Grandpa?" Christmas. Grandpa was here for Christmas, then we left in early January to head south and out of the worst Illinois winter in many years. I returned home alone in mid-March, and they came over to help me empty the Interstate.

Emma and her two big brothers spent the night with Grandma last weekend. I found both boys sitting in his chair in the back bedroom Sunday morning, quietly looking around at his things on the wall. They miss him, too.

The 2014 Labrador calendar he picked up for himself is still hanging in its' spot in the back bedroom, turned to January, just like he left it. Those who knew Doug knew that he was not a dog lover. He did, however, dearly love Miss Lily, our foundling, black lab mix. He just couldn't help himself.

Another first, tomorrow. The annual extended family gathering at our little house. Yard has been freshly mowed, carpets and tile cleaned, house cleaned within inch of its' life, the usual foods prepared and in the frig, including chocolate chip cookie dough ready to bake in the morning. All without Doug's usual assistance. Everyone brings a dish to share, but we have always hosted and done the majority of it.

The daughter is home from NYC, but of course has friends to see and local shopping to catch up on, also her nephews and niece to spend time with. She will be around to help tomorrow, of course, but most of it is already done. They have no clue, really, what it takes to do some of these things,

Doing okay, talking to him and pointing out I haven't relaxed my standards just because I have to do it all by myself.

He is smiling somewhere, pursing his lips a bit and nodding.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

The annual, extended family shindig at our house was a rousing success.

Moderate temps, with sun and gentle breezes, until approaching storms mid-afternoon drove us inside. Son and a cousin manned the grill, Doug's usual job, while the second generation cousins ran and played in the back yard. Doug would have eaten his first burger over the grill, as food consumed while grilling has no calories, he would say.

Daughter made fresh Sangria, and we caught up a bit on each other's lives. A near-idyllic scene.

My brother and his 20 year old son climbed onto the roof to tack down a few loose shingles and clean out the gutters.....a Doug-er spring chore, not yet done this year. All looks good on the roof, he pronounced.

He seemed so glad to to help , I asked him to look at a troublesome gate latch, the sticking toilet flush and the wobbling garage door. Repairs quickly dispensed with, more iced tea and another cookie.

My brother and his wife brought me an Amazing Grace Windchime, to listen to and think of Doug. Our favorite hymn, and sung at his funeral. I have hung it on the front porch, where I can see and hear it from my favorite chair. Lovely, gentle, melodic tones.

Little house is vacuumed and tidied, darling daughter is American Airlines-bound back to NYC. She starts a new job tomorrow, and I want to brag about how she got it, but will keep my mouth shut. She's a good girl.

A bit of choring this week, before heading for the Moraine View Rally on Thursday, but starting to get out of the spring frenzy and into summer maintenance with the little house and yard. Good. I'm tired.

Think about Doug, miss him, and talk to him every day. Three months ago tomorrow, life changed. Can't say I'm "happy" or "life is good", but peace is starting to settle.

All is well, doing okay.


Maggie

[ROBERTSUNRUS]

Originally Posted by doug&maggie

The annual, extended family shindig at our house was a rousing success.

Moderate temps, with sun and gentle breezes, until approaching storms mid-afternoon drove us inside. Son and a cousin manned the grill, Doug's usual job, while the second generation cousins ran and played in the back yard. Doug would have eaten his first burger over the grill, as food consumed while grilling has no calories, he would say.

Daughter made fresh Sangria, and we caught up a bit on each other's lives. A near-idyllic scene.

My brother and his 20 year old son climbed onto the roof to tack down a few loose shingles and clean out the gutters.....a Doug-er spring chore, not yet done this year. All looks good on the roof, he pronounced.

He seemed so glad to to help , I asked him to look at a troublesome gate latch, the sticking toilet flush and the wobbling garage door. Repairs quickly dispensed with, more iced tea and another cookie.

My brother and his wife brought me an Amazing Grace Windchime, to listen to and think of Doug. Our favorite hymn, and sung at his funeral. I have hung it on the front porch, where I can see and hear it from my favorite chair. Lovely, gentle, melodic tones.

Little house is vacuumed and tidied, darling daughter is American Airlines-bound back to NYC. She starts a new job tomorrow, and I want to brag about how she got it, but will keep my mouth shut. She's a good girl.

A bit of choring this week, before heading for the Moraine View Rally on Thursday, but starting to get out of the spring frenzy and into summer maintenance with the little house and yard. Good. I'm tired.

Think about Doug, miss him, and talk to him every day. Three months ago tomorrow, life changed. Can't say I'm "happy" or "life is good", but peace is starting to settle.

All is well, doing okay.


Maggie

Hi, this all sounds great to me. I also, would work for Iced Tea and Cookies. Nice of your family to help so much. I think that I should start eating the first thing finished on the Barbeque, I like that idea.

[Lily&Me]

Brother is a couple of hours away, so not available on a moments' notice, but when people say "If there's anything I can do to help", I am going to take them up on that these days.

Doug was not mechanically inclined, me much less so.

Help is good.



Maggie

[Gene]

Your food story reminds me of a friend whose husband died a couple of years ago. He was the big meat eater and liked other high calorie items. He stayed thin, she didn't. After he was gone, she lost a lot of weight because she started eating better.

As time goes on, you will feel less need to post and that'll come in fits and starts, and already is. Quite normal.

I just learned today Lili has left, see the US Airstream will be sold, and I lost touch with her thread about a month ago. Been too busy and tired. I did notice she changed the name of the thread, but I kept falling behind and didn't want to read 100 posts at a sitting, so I just kept putting it off. One less vegetarian on the Forum, maybe you're taking her place.

I'm sure you'll be smothered (in a good way) with love at the rally. Some happy/sad memories too. Another catharsis. Has to happen to move along.

We get to go away for several nights end of the week—finally! I'll be thinking of you.

Gene

[Lily&Me]

Thank you, Gene. I'm really looking forward to the rally. Hope you also have a good and restful weekend.

I am spending a fair amount of time, in quiet evenings, reading about souls, spirits, spirit signs, etc.

I can't help it. I need to understand, and to feel connected to him where he is now.

I came across this last night, and love it. Have sent it to all of the kids, and am going to print it out to put where I can see and read it every day.

“Always remember deep in your heart that all is well and everything is unfolding as it should. There are no mistakes anywhere, at any time. What appears to be wrong is simply your own false imagination. That's all." Robert Moore

It reminds me that we don't get to choose when or how we and our loved ones leave, and that we are in charge only thru the personal choices we make.

I tell myself to take a deep breath, be a responsible, careful, and mindful person in my life, then trust that it all works out for the best.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

I am loving the Amazing Grace Windchime. Everyone who has lost a loved one should have one, in my opinion.

As it chimes gently, I tell myself "that is my Doug".....as it would seem a very easy thing for a spirit to do, to send a gentle breeze to let me know he is there.

Three months ago today, we were in the ICU, and he was on life support. I don't know that the 9th-12th of the months will ever not bring back those memories.

Doing okay, just a little immersed today.


Maggie

[Gene]

Originally Posted by doug&maggie

I can't help it. I need to understand

Maggie

Some things can't be understood, but they can be accepted.

I want to know and understand everything. I can't and accepting that has always been difficult, but I don't really have a choice.

All sorts of belief systems (religion, humanism, ethical constructs, etc.) purport to tell us what to understand, but, for me, I have to figure it our myself and when I can't, just accept that. Frustrating, but life is full of incomplete understanding.

Gene

[Lily&Me]

Originally Posted by Gene

Frustrating, but life is full of incomplete understanding.

Gene

I know, but I have to try.


Maggie

[DIR1]

hi Maggie... glad you're doing well there... I'm hoping your upcoming rally will be a good one for you...Hugs from here, gail

[Lily&Me]

When a youngish and vibrant Grandpa dies suddenly, 900+ miles frim home, the adult children start thinking "what if the kids had been with them?".

Now that this house has a single Grandparent, albeit a healthy and active 65, that question looms larger, "what if something happens like this to Grandma Maggie when she is with them on a trip, hours from home? "

The possibility this could happen exists, but it is unlikely, in my circumstance, in my opinion.

The 4 we can travel with are 11, 9, 7 and 6 1/2. Old enough to understand emergencies occur, to dial 911 if needed and to handle a wait at a police station while parents came to get them.

Fears not assuaged, the week long trip in the Interstate with these kids to Madeline Island this summer is cancelled.

Too far, too soon after Doug's death, too fresh in the minds of loving and protective parents.

I understand, really, but am sad we will not have that experience together. The ferry, camping on an island, the beautiful beach up there, canoeing the Wisconsin river on the way home.

Another unintended consequence.

On to Moraine View later today.


Maggie

[Pagey]

Sorry you won't be able to have the adventure with your grandchildren. That would have created such great memories for them.

I hope you have a great time at Moraine View!

[Lily&Me]

Thank you.

We have been fortunate to have made a lot of wonderful memories with them. This would have been another, I am sure.

I understand the parents' fear, to a great extent, but it also seems a bit irrational to me, and not the way to live a life.

They will have to come to that realization on their own.

Aahh, well. I will deal with it.


Maggie

[nsbcpa]

Unfortunately the adult children don't realize that there is probably as much of a statistical chance (slim to none) of an event occurring to them in their 30's & 40's as with Grandma in her 60's.