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Old 04-27-2014, 07:03 PM   #211
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Thank you, Jim.

The overwhelming support, encouragement and kindness I have received through these Forums has touched me deeply.

I will always be grateful and never forget it.


XO Maggie
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Old 04-27-2014, 09:36 PM   #212
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Maggie, your strength and persistence are an inspiration. Yes, I know sometimes it is just having the strength to keep going, but that is its own bravery. I am always glad to come back to this thread and see that you are still continuing on, with some ups and some downs, keeping it real.

I find, as I pick up bits of wisdom and perspective from your daily musings, that I'm starting to look at my own world differently. Thank you for that.

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you've got a lot of the best - with grandkids and backyard gatherings that you know how to enjoy.
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:20 AM   #213
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Thank you.

Having an adult child and his family a mile away has indeed been one of life's gifts, especially during this time in our lives.

As exhausted as I have been from all these outdoor muscle-ings about, my sleep has been terrible the last couple of weeks. Can't get to sleep, can't stay asleep. Took an over-the-counter sleep aid last night.

A rainy day today. Going to tackle the back bedroom and get some of his things sorted for his kids.

Rain is good. My grass seed will sprout.


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Old 04-28-2014, 06:28 AM   #214
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New growth in the spring for your new life. Jim
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:29 AM   #215
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:44 AM   #216
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But, I ached from head to toe when I went to bed last night. Truly. Even with extra strength Tylenol.
Got any pictures of the Tylenol?
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:48 AM   #217
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If I'd had anything stronger, believe me, I would have taken it.

The fence is real, not an illusion. And, it looks pretty good. If you get close, can see a few imperfections.....

Will post a picture once I have the gate hardware on.



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Old 04-29-2014, 06:47 AM   #218
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Sorting his clothes and going thru drawers, determined to get the great lot of that dealt with in these next few rainy days. I've been gathering boxes and tossing them into the back room. It looks very unloving and disrespectful back there, and that's not how I feel.

Some things his boys might be interested in, most of them they won't....either because of the style or the size. They being M and their Dad being L. My son and son-in-law, who need professional clothing, can put some of those things to good use.

I simply cannot open a closet and see nothing of his hanging there. I can't do it, and don't know if that time will ever come. Some things can just hang in my closet indefinitely. The heavy, wool jacket sweater he wore on very cold days will stay in my dresser drawer, too, along with the tshirt we bought him in Paris.....and a couple of others from places very special to us.

In the bottom of a drawer he had soccer jerseys from when his boys were small, also a couple of infant onezies. What a soft and sentimental man he was inside. I loved that about him, and you had to be very close to him to know it. A secret carefully hidden behind his manly, rather macho exterior.

Went to see my longtime chiropractor/homeopath/holistic health care practitioner yesterday, for an overall, quarterly or so, tune-up. I love this man. He changed my life, and exposed me to an entirely different approach to keeping the body functioning and resolving issues without prescription medication.

He had not known of Doug's death, but had met him several times and resolved very quickly several years ago chronic shoulder pain of Doug's.... making him a believer. As I'm telling the story, crying a bit and explaining that the only real problem right now is sleep, he said "why, you're a little depressed".

Of course I'm a little depressed. Why didn't that occur to me. Classic symptoms.

Was reading something yesterday about how helpful it can be to journal during the grieving process.

Yes, it is.

Thanks for listening,


XO Maggie
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Old 04-29-2014, 11:42 AM   #219
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I know exactly how you are feeling re: having a few of Doug's things hanging or in drawers. When my sister, Roxie, passed at age 58, 10 years ago now (where has the time gone?), I chose a few of her things to hang in my closet just to have her near. I realize now that I was in shock from her sudden passing, no time to prepare myself, but a much better way for her to go.

I believe the process of accepting a loved ones passing is in stages & those stages take as long as they take.

Deb
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Old 04-29-2014, 12:47 PM   #220
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Yes, and thank you.

I think I'm still in shock, really.

It's like I've lost a part of me....which I have.


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Old 04-29-2014, 01:13 PM   #221
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Yes, and thank you.

I think I'm still in shock, really.

It's like I've lost a part of me....which I have.


Maggie

Maggie,
You are such a dear.
Besides journaling, which is very good, try to do at least one thing (or more) everyday which is indulging.
For a short-time (or not so short-time) be a little bit (or not so little bit) in a healthy way... Be selfish.
Be very forgiving and very kind to yourself.
Be good to ... you. You are in a very transitional time. That's difficult.
I don't mean to sound so preachy, sorry. If this offends you, sorry. I hope you know it's meant in kindness.
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:30 PM   #222
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I know it's meant in kindness, and am not offended at all. Thank you.

I do little things for myself every day....a break mid-day for my favorite tea, a soak in the tub, etc. But I miss every day my sweet hubbie who found little ways, every day, to show me that he loved me, and I did the same for him. I miss all of that. Now, I talk to him as I go thru his things and tell him to guide my hand.

I feel very self-centered right now, but know that is normal and as it should be. I'm making few efforts to give to others....only the grands and of that ilk, whose needs just don't understand mine being more important.

Some days are better than others. It's just hard. Y'all know that.

I can fully understand how people without any inner strength would not want to go on without their loved one, can't you? I'm not one of those people, and have a lot to live for.....but I can understand not fearing death and even welcoming it in some respect because you will then be reunited with those you love. Perfectly logical thought pattern, IMO.

No, I'm not suicidal, but I am seeing my own eventual death in an entirely different way.

I'm sad today, sorting thru his things, but I'll be okay, it will just take time. I know that.


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Old 04-29-2014, 02:36 PM   #223
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Maggie, I'm giving you a internet hug. Hang in there. Gregg
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Old 04-29-2014, 02:50 PM   #224
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Thank you. Hugs are good.

One of my self-soothing indulgences is beautifully fragranced candles. I abhor, however, the ridiculous price for nice candles, and having a glass container unused once the candle is burned up.

Made a few of my own the other day, with glass I had, soy chips, cut-to-fit wicks and essential oils. My favorite.....lavender and rose. Inexpensive and with a lovely, soothing fragrance. When they are burned up, I will make more.

I do try to take care of and nurture myself a bit, but there is no erasing this event nor fast-forwarding thru it.

It is what it is, as they say.


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