A Very Different Kind of Life

[Mockinbrd]

Originally Posted by doug&maggie

Yes, and thank you.

I think I'm still in shock, really.

It's like I've lost a part of me....which I have.


Maggie

Maggie,
You are such a dear.
Besides journaling, which is very good, try to do at least one thing (or more) everyday which is indulging.
For a short-time (or not so short-time) be a little bit (or not so little bit) in a healthy way... Be selfish.
Be very forgiving and very kind to yourself.
Be good to ... you. You are in a very transitional time. That's difficult.
I don't mean to sound so preachy, sorry. If this offends you, sorry. I hope you know it's meant in kindness.
Mockinbrd

[Lily&Me]

I know it's meant in kindness, and am not offended at all. Thank you.

I do little things for myself every day....a break mid-day for my favorite tea, a soak in the tub, etc. But I miss every day my sweet hubbie who found little ways, every day, to show me that he loved me, and I did the same for him. I miss all of that. Now, I talk to him as I go thru his things and tell him to guide my hand.

I feel very self-centered right now, but know that is normal and as it should be. I'm making few efforts to give to others....only the grands and of that ilk, whose needs just don't understand mine being more important.

Some days are better than others. It's just hard. Y'all know that.

I can fully understand how people without any inner strength would not want to go on without their loved one, can't you? I'm not one of those people, and have a lot to live for.....but I can understand not fearing death and even welcoming it in some respect because you will then be reunited with those you love. Perfectly logical thought pattern, IMO.

No, I'm not suicidal, but I am seeing my own eventual death in an entirely different way.

I'm sad today, sorting thru his things, but I'll be okay, it will just take time. I know that.


Maggie

[streaminwild]

Maggie, I'm giving you a internet hug. Hang in there. Gregg

[Lily&Me]

Thank you. Hugs are good.

One of my self-soothing indulgences is beautifully fragranced candles. I abhor, however, the ridiculous price for nice candles, and having a glass container unused once the candle is burned up.

Made a few of my own the other day, with glass I had, soy chips, cut-to-fit wicks and essential oils. My favorite.....lavender and rose. Inexpensive and with a lovely, soothing fragrance. When they are burned up, I will make more.

I do try to take care of and nurture myself a bit, but there is no erasing this event nor fast-forwarding thru it.

It is what it is, as they say.


Maggie

[Condoluminum]

Maggie-

Another voice of support from a far-away person who has shared your difficult story here through the amazing linkages associated with Airstream vehicles.. Many of us have had to deal with shocks and depression (mild or worse..) and your ongoing sharing is hopefully both educational for us and therapeutic for you.. You are fortunate to have family close, and to have Friends-in-Aluminum willing to listen and share. Some of us don't have really great advice, but offer encouragement that life may not quickly get "better", but that you will gradually become better at dealing with your new life.

One learning of mine after loss of my Dad and other close friends, and then dealing with life-threatening illness, is that each episode does have the effect of changing the way you view the world, and your life and relationships to the people around you.. You just don't see things the same way again, and that becomes OK, and in some ways can be a positive.. I know after surviving the illness, I felt like I was on "Bonus time" and choose to view each day as a gift not to be ignored.. It sounds like you are adjusting to find the positives, despite the pain of having to deal with leftover things and memories... We all wish you well, and hope for continued healing..

John

[Lily&Me]

Thank you.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Started early this am in the back bedroom, and have made real headway these last few days.

Almost everything has been looked at, and no tears today.

Chilly and rainy, started a fire.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Moving along, dealing with sorting thru and ridding out, as my first mother-in-law would say.

What is mine/ours from our life together, what is his and needs to go to his kids, some things from our prior lives with the SOI which are destined for a shredder.

Those of you who knew Doug knew that he was a handgun aficionado extraordinaire. A passion of his, target shooting and all things related. Formally trained, several times over, it was a big part of who he was. If ever in a bad spot, Doug was the first person I would choose to be with. I always felt safe with him.

His kids don't shoot, although may want one or more of his several handguns for sentimental reasons. The stockpile of ammunition, cleaning and repair supplies, holsters, belts, clips, carry cases of various sizes and sorts, etc, which I took from the back bedroom....would easily fill a couple of bushel baskets.

No, I did not throw it out. In three separate trips, I loaded it into the back of the Matrix and sold it to a local dealer to help his estate cover end of life expenses. That won't be the last of it.

I'm sure that Doug is looking on from wherever, shaking his head a bit, also thinking that if he knew what a simple funeral would cost he would have rethought some things.

Yes, I have a good attorney advising me on Executor responsibilities, et al.

Another chilly and rainy day. Have a fire going and a pot of tea consumed.

Doing okay today. Plugging along. No tears.

Thanks for listening,


Maggie

[Gene]

No matter who we are, rich or poor, left or right, whatever we are, we all go through just about the same things when a loved one dies. Maggie, you're doing good and being very much a human.

Gene

[Lily&Me]

Yes.

We are all more alike than we are different.


Maggie

[streaminwild]

Maggie, Maybe keep a handgun that your familar with for security, Oh... I forgot you have a ''go for the throat'' guard dog. Try to go out to dinner and see a movie with a friend. A coworker lost her husband a couple years ago and every week we do this. This gives us something to look forward to. Shes from Chicago and was married the day I was born 10-22-60 in Urbana Ill. We have the same warped sense of humor...must be from drinking the Illinois water. Giving you a internet hug Gregg

[Lily&Me]

Thank you.

Lily sounds like a "go for the throat" guard dog, which is all one needs most of the time. I have no doubt she would use those teeth if she needed to, though.


Maggie

[streaminwild]

Maybe you can change her name to Brutus or spike to make her seem ferotious. I train Isabell my 18lb shitsu on a pull rope. The growling is part of the training. She's trained to ''go for the ankles'' and bring the victum down. When kids come around the training goes to hell, out comes the toung. Hours and hours of training down the tubes. I always give her a treat after a workout. Maybe Isabell is playing mind games with me to get her treat. Imagine a dog with reasoning skills. Clean teeth always makes them look larger. Have a nice weekend. Gregg

[Lily&Me]

Oh, I don't think she needs help seeming ferocious. You have obviously never met Miss Lily. She is an alpha female.

Hair on her back goes right up, and she shows those teeth, with just the slightest provocation...and she barks, a very big-dog bark from a very medium-sized dog.

I always have to reassure people she won't attack them, although I'm sure she would if she had to. She is a gentle, sweet, loving dog, but doesn't appear that at first blush.

Some people she goes right up to, and lets them pet her. Most she takes a moment or two. Some she will have nothing to do with. I have read that dog owners should pay close attention to how their dogs react to other people, and I think that is wise.

Great with children, but when she is with another dog...any dog, any size...she is ON, and first has to be boss and make sure that is very, very, clear. Unless they are more alpha than her, when I have seen her make herself very small and become highly submissive.

Lily's alpha-ness has been a real challenge. Took her (and we) to dog school last spring, and bought a harness and special, short leash for use when she is in high-stimulus environments.....such as rallies, flea markets, busy streets, etc. On that harness and short leash, away from strange dogs, she is very submissive and very manageable.

It has been very interesting, when we have run into people who clearly know and understand dogs. They don't fear her and see immediately what she is doing with their dogs. Some like her to play with their pups or young dogs, because Lily teaches them how to behave. She snarls, nips and "corrects" other dogs...very quickly and clearly. It can frighten other owners, but not those who know and understand dogs. It's been an education.

Love her, can you tell?


Maggie

[streaminwild]

Isabell rolled over for a cat. I hoped this was a friendly jester and not submission. I know what I had seen but couldn't admit to failure. Back to the drawing board. Isabell gives me great facials, but I wonder if she's putting more on than taking off. Then I begin to wonder where that toung had been.

[Lily&Me]

The back bedroom, Doug's man-cave, is in reasonable order.

Everything has not yet been gone thru, but almost.

Weather has cleared, warm and sunny days coming.

Tomorrow.....going to clean the Interstate, which has not left its spot in the driveway since I got home from Georgia on March 14th.

Will open it up, air it out, clean and vacuum everything.

It's time.


Maggie

[BIGED52]

Maggie, Don't forget the cup of Tea! Hope you Git 'er Done and can enjoy the quiet within! Ed

[Lily&Me]

Thank you.

First....I clean. Then....tea.

Not sure I'm ready to sit out there and reminisce, actually. We'll see.


Maggie

[overlander63]

You can take everything that you know in your mind has to come out of the Interstate out, and place it in a box or basket. When your heart agrees the stuff needs to come out, then you will have it all in one place for easy sorting.

[Lily&Me]

The Interstate is cleaner and more tidy. Still needs a bit of work done, which can wait til tomorrow.

I decided to forego tea for a glass of wine. Wine and I and IPad are having a rest on the patio.

The first time back in there has got to be the hardest. Found a few more things of his in one of the overhead bins, right where he left them. Didn't cry, but close. If I had one more moment with him, I would give him the biggest hug he ever had. So quick, he was just gone.

Son and I got the gate/hardware installed on the new stretch of fence. Only took us probably 3 times as long as someone experienced in such matters, but what the hell....it's up, it's sturdy, it's done. One of the posts is not quite straight. I don't care.

Our good friends at Peterbilt in Bloomington are going to go over the roof with caulk for me Monday morning. I really don't belong on any roof, any time. They have been such a capable, trusted resource for routine maintenance.

I need to dewinterize, another first, then will be ready for whatever. Going to go to Iowa for Memorial Day, and visit Doug's mom. His stone will be in place, the kids and grands will come. We'll sit with him and maybe have a picnic, like folks did years ago.

That will probably be the first trip out by myself, but may do a weekend sometime this month, someplace we have been and enjoyed. Just to be close to him and get back into it. We'll see.

Hope everyone is having good weather and a lovely weekend.


Maggie