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Old 04-13-2014, 02:19 PM   #127
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Wow, Gene. I am humbled.

I want to smack myself sometimes, and say "snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself". It's hard to know the difference, really, between grieving the loss of my husband and feeling sorry for myself that he is gone and I am left here without him. What is the difference, anyway. I think very little. I will get through it.

Spent 8 hours on a rugby field yesterday, with my step son who asked me to come to his games in his dad's place. What a physical sport! Glad I went, for him, his dad and for me. Rained out today, but the day and night away were rather distracting as I was not surrounded by Doug and his things everywhere I looked.

Just doing a quick check-in here, before doing a thorough sessions review and completing the online test I must pass before I can finish my Red Cross certification tomorrow.

Alive and doing reasonably well, I do believe.


XO Maggie
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Old 04-13-2014, 03:15 PM   #128
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Wow, Gene. I am humbled.

I want to smack myself sometimes, and say "snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself". It's hard to know the difference, really, between grieving the loss of my husband and feeling sorry for myself that he is gone and I am left here without him. What is the difference, anyway. I think very little. I will get through it.
Under stress, people aren't always at their best. To demand perfection for yourself is a waste of time. If you feel sorry for yourself, so what? Everybody gets a pass for occasional lapses. I was not only angry at my father for dying on my birthday, but because he never came to see our house and all the remodeling I had done. Since I never measured up to his expectations, I wanted to show him my work, but he was unfair to me to die insteadósure that's a crazy waste of time, but pretty normal to have those feelings for a short time. It is when we dwell on them for years that we've got a problem.

The Forum is an important part of your recovery. You have non-judgmental friends here you can share your feelings with and you get lots and lots of support. We are privileged that you share with us and we all gain from it.

Gene
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Old 04-13-2014, 03:45 PM   #129
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Maggie,
I'm not overly fond of the word - whining. Personally, I'd think something was a little 'off' if you weren't expressing how you are feeling. Y-o-u might see it as whining, I see it as appropriate honesty. I welcome it. I expect it. I look for it. It means you are fully human, a fully loving and deeply caring human. That is why we all so care about you! But then what do I know, my parents got a divorce after 52 YEARS of marriage! And no they didn't have a big 50 year anniversary party. That's all I want to say about that other than at the time they split up, I thought, about time! Glad you aren't in that kettle of fish!
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Old 04-13-2014, 04:01 PM   #130
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Thank you.

I passed my test, printed my certificate and have a hands-on skills session tomorrow afternoon, before receiving certification.

It is cathartic to put feelings and events/activities into written words, and this is the only place I am doing that.

Sometimes I cry while I am writing, but sometimes I need to cry and writing seems to let that out.

I so appreciate the love and support I have received here.

Y'all know that. I've said it and I'm saying it again.


XO Maggie
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Old 04-13-2014, 04:04 PM   #131
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Thank you.



I passed my test, printed my certificate and have a hands-on skills session tomorrow afternoon, before receiving certification.



It is cathartic to put feelings and events/activities into written words, and this is the only place I am doing that.



Sometimes I cry while I am writing, but sometimes I need to cry and writing seems to let that out.



I so appreciate the love and support I have received here.



Y'all know that. I've said it and I'm saying it again.





XO Maggie

Congratulations on passing your test! Good luck with the hands on, tomorrow.
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Old 04-13-2014, 06:13 PM   #132
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Maggie, I have bad knees, and I usually carry one of these around, so I'm not kneeling on concrete:
Amazon.com: Garden Kneeling Pad, Assorted Color: Patio, Lawn & Garden

They are small, cheap, and will help a lot, when doing the under-the-bed, under-the-couch, or even the weeding-the-flowerbed things.

We all express our grief in different ways, and in different degrees. From what I see here, you are doing well. The pain and loss won't stop, but slowly you will learn to deal with them. Some of us put it in a box, and only take it out when we are alone, and some of us tend to be more open about it. If what I see on this thread is any indication of everything that is going on in your corner of the world, you are doing as well as, if not better than, most of us could hope for or expect.
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Old 04-13-2014, 06:17 PM   #133
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I smile every time I read:

"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup."



Maggie
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Old 04-14-2014, 02:32 AM   #134
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Dear Maggie, everyone else moves on... eventually you're alone... and then you start wondering "why am I not getting over this, it's been XX weeks?"

Even your children and stepchildren will SEEM to be getting over it faster than you are. That's mainly because they're in startup mode - starting new families or having kids just starting school. They're scheduled 25 hours in a 24 hour day, and even though Doug was only 65 he's a member of the older generation. So there's a little comfort in that.

You should not expect to be over it any time soon, in fact you are still trying to come to terms with his death. It will probably be somewhere in the four to six month period before you don't wake up, stretch, put your slippers on, and then remember he's gone. Somewhere after a year you'll accept he's gone, and with luck a month or two after that you'll realize he's not, you're just apart for a short while... whether that is days or years won't matter.

You'll never "get back to normal" you'll go forward to a new kind of normal, and if you feel his hand on your shoulder or hear his voice - it's not hallucinating, it's just that the two DID become as one.

Bless you, don't let anyone tell you your grief is excessive (unless they need to start comparing you to Queen Victoria). It takes the time it takes. Use the time and heal a little bit every day.

Paula
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Old 04-14-2014, 03:55 AM   #135
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Thank you, Paula.

This is a process, not an event.


Maggie
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Old 04-14-2014, 07:03 AM   #136
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My new favorite tea/coffee mug.

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Old 04-14-2014, 08:17 AM   #137
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My new favorite tea/coffee mug.

Maggie
Maggie I have the most disappointing news..for me anyway..I won't be strong and steady on my feet enough after the Scarlet Fever to cope with London for your sons first visit..and for the second we are pencilled in for the 70th Anniversary for Exercise Tiger ..even then I'm nervous we won't make the event in case its too much too soon..
Its Hx1's birthday on Friday and I'm just about up to travelling but not wandering or mixing with crowds and definitely not the chaotic tube..
If we drive to the City it could mean walking a distance and I'm not ready
I'm hoping he is coming back some other times ?
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:22 AM   #138
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Lili, not to worry at all. You have to take care of yourself.

I can hardly believe you have had scarlet fever!

He may be back at some point, is traveling overseas for work 3-4 times a year, it seems.

If not, maybe i'll get there at some point.

Hope you get to feeling better soon.

XO Maggie
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:14 AM   #139
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Excellent advice Paula.

Lili, I echo, "scarlet fever"? I haven't had time to keep up on your thread. Must find time to catch up….

Gene
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Old 04-14-2014, 04:29 PM   #140
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I have passed the course and am now the proud owner of a Red Cross Adult/Infant CPR & AED Certificate.

Need to add a few things to the first aid kit, like breathing barriers.

I feel good about doing this. Anyone who can, should, IMO.

It's been a good day.


Maggie
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