A Different Life II

[ColoradoLady]

Yes, Maggie. You are very lucky and we are all very grateful for it. Prayers continue for your full recovery. God bless you. Evelyn.

[Lily&Me]

I appreciate those, Evelyn.

Maggie

[Fly at Night]

Gee Maggie....take care.

What would we do without you?

[Lily&Me]

Hi FaN, and thank you.

I was able to read a book last night, for the first time since, and it didn’t give me a headache, so I suspect the bleed is nicely absorbing its little self into surrounding tissue, as it is supposed to.

I am really, really, really tired of television.

I have another CT on Thursday, then see the neurologist Monday...trying to wait patiently, and be grateful, but I am ready for my vision to return to normal, and to be able to drive.

I put on Doug’s Sherpa fleece lined jacket yesterday morning, then hauled in wood and shoveled four inches of fresh snow off my driveway...wobbling a bit using the shovel with the double vision, but got it done ...it wiped me out, tho, and was so cold outside that my hands hurt when I came inside.

Yikes. Haven’t been home for this stuff in 10 years.

Currently -1 here, with a windchill of 18...Lily stepped out the back door this morning, then politely declined doing her morning tinkle just yet.

Maggie

[Twinke58]

Maggie, I just heard of the health issues you had. Speedy recovery to you. I know what your going through on the Maggie not wanting to go potty outside do to the weather ( my dog Claire does the same thing!). Get well soon and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Rachel
WBCCI 9380
VAC 2nd VP
1962 Tradewind 24' "Agnes"


Sent from my iPhone using Airstream Forum

[Lily&Me]

Hi, Rachel, and thank you.

I very much appreciate all the prayers and well wishes.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

So, if you have double vision, can you still put on a little eye makeup for being out and about??

The answer is...yes, if you use a mighty magnifying mirror and are very, very careful.

Had my ct this am, and go back tomorrow afternoon for other tests unrelated to the brain bleed.

I tend to be a very healthy person, but when things go wrong it seems they are seldom small things....I’ve been a bit absorbed in my current state of health, and haven’t felt much like posting, but I’m doing well overall.

I appreciate all the good people here, and the public and private messages of support.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

It is a tremendously liberating experience, after a forced period of housebound-ness, to be able to get in your own vehicle and drive yourself to the grocery store...as I did this morning, for the first time in three weeks.

Lily will soon have her first walk since then, too... tho I haven’t felt too sorry for her with a large back yard to rip around in, she will delight in revisiting favorite places to sniff and the ability to delicately lower her hindquarters to do her business.


One of the disadvantages of having comprehensive outpatient testing on Friday afternoons is that you cannot get results from your Doctor until at least Monday.

As I do have more medical understanding and experience than your average lay person...having an Associates Degree in Physical Therapy, and having worked as a CNA or Ward Secretary in every hospital area from the Emergency Room to OB/Delivery as a teen and thru the first chapter of my life ..I can ask intelligent questions and understand not too technically complicated answers.

Therefore, I was able to wheedle out some of what was not seen, which was very reassuring. What may have been seen will require direct communication from my PCP....not available over a weekend, of course.

I am three weeks out from a small stroke , driven myself to shop for the first time since, and still feeling fortunate and grateful things were not much worse.

Maggie

[ColoradoLady]

Maggie, so good to learn that you are getting better and hope the progress continues unimpeded. Take care. God bless. Evelyn.

[Lily&Me]

Thanks, Evelyn.

I am feeling rather victorious today, just in being able to drive.

If you’ve ever had double vision, like from a stroke , there is not only the double-ness of what one sees, but something of a fog or haze over the center of one’s vision field...at least that is what mine has been like.

The fog/haze has completely disappeared, tho the vision is not perfect it is clear....thus, I decided I could venture out in the car, and had no problems.

Don’t know that I would take on downtown Chicago during rush hour, but familiar roads to an oft-traveled place was a snap.

Such a freeing experience.

Maggie

[Gearheart]

So glad to read that. I bet you were getting a bit of cabin fever there.

[Lily&Me]

Thank you...and, ummm, yes.

Not too bad, tho, as I keep reminding myself that if the bleed were just a cm or two larger, I would have had right side paralysis and been discharged to a rehab facility.

Yikes.

Maggie

[ColoradoLady]

WOW, Maggie! That piece of info.....just too close for comfort! An angel was on your shoulder for sure! It just reminds us all....just how fragile we are. You were , indeed, VERY LUCKY. That, and God was watching over you. God bless. Evelyn.

[mimiandrews]

Good to hear there is improvement. Being able to drive is a liberating event in our modern society. I'll continue to pray that you recover to complete good health.

I have good news from my house:
a. the septic tanks have been moved to their proper location.

b. the rock man finally came to do the fireplace, and it looks great.

Those two things that required me to be down there have had me "on call" for weeks. Now they have both been done, and I can stay home and work on cleaning out this place. I'm going to start packing the stuff I'm not actually using and getting ready for the final move.

[Lily&Me]

Very good, Mimi!

I know you are tired of being in a holding pattern, and ready to get into the new place...and I can’t wait to see pictures.

Keep us posted, and thank you for your well wishes.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

My pea-sized brain stem bleed has disappeared, but for a light shadow, and the tests on Friday which have been very worrisome for me these past couple of weeks were negative.

It is apparently commonplace that women have false positives for a number of different medical things that could be extremely serious...were they true positives.

Thank you very much, we women need a healthy dose of unfounded fear every once in awhile.

My neuro told me this morning that bleeds of any size on the brain stem are generally fatal...geeeeezzz.

He’s going to do some tests before I see him again in March, to see if he can determine why this happened, rule out anything going on that could cause another, etc....I will be here in Central Illinois for the next few months, doing follow up appointments with various specialists.

But, it’s okay...I’m alive, not in a rehab facility somewhere nor turned to ashes, mixed with 27 years of rose petals, and spread on Doug’s grave.

I am going to over-winter at home this year, and I am grateful.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

My lower back has been bothering me the past few days...been doing stretches and soaking in the tub, it settles down for a bit and then is right back to spasms and feeling like there is a “catch” in it.

I put on my outside shoes with the orthotic levelers in them this morning, determined to get out with Lily for a walk...pain or no pain...and my back very quickly felt better.

I’ve been out of the orthotics more often than not these past few weeks, and it has taken a quiet toll. I needed a reminder to wear them whenever I am up doing any task, and back pain did it.


Visited my longtime chiropractor/homeopath this am, and updated him on my recent medical event.

He checked me over, tuned me up, and gave me an EPA/DHA supplement for my heart and brain...to go on my must-take list, and replace my over the counter omega3 supplement.

I trust him completely, and so take what he tells me to.

We talked the state of inpatient hospital care these days, and he had some stories similar to mine and those I have heard from others.

His belief is also that the hospitalists/intensivists trend is driven by the insurance companies, and the insurance companies are driven by Medicare.

He also believes we aging baby boomers are at greater risk of fatal lapses in care, but that anyone hospitalized who is unable to advocate for themselves is at risk....and needs a trusted someone to be their medical case manager. I agree.

I have been thinking that patients perhaps need someone akin to the CASA volunteers in many counties, who are unattached to any entity, accountable directly to the court, and assigned to each child entering the juvenile court system...someone impartial, whose responsibility it is to essentially evaluate all information and look out for the best interests of the individual.

Such appointments won’t happen, of course, so we will have to do these things for each other.

We are not naturally inclined to question the decisions of our doctors...or other professionals we are paying to provide a specialized service, for that matter ...but need to be prepared in this day and age to look carefully at care decisions, ask questions and advocate accordingly.

Such a shift in approach and perspective, that must necessarily be taken on at a time when one is so very vulnerable. Sigh.


The sun is shining and it is to be 50 degrees today.

Maggie

[ColoradoLady]

Maggie, I am glad to know that you are feeling better....good enough to take Lily out for a walk. I agree with your assessment on current hospital care. More true than many suspect! Personal advocacy is the answer. Most people are unaware and vulnerable. A sad state of affairs, and most certainly not acceptable.

[Lily&Me]

Although I received really excellent, skilled care, it was in pieces with no one person in charge...and at least two critical things were missed.

One, soon after admission... I was aware, spoke up and got it taken care of...the other not known til after I was discharged. Maybe there’s more, but those are what I know.

I had three physicians in four days...no one person followed me throughout my stay, or was in charge of the totality of my care. It was an enlightening experience.

I may be more acutely aware of some things than others would be, as rather compulsively, obsessively and successfully keeping track of innumerable moving parts was what I did for a living...Doug would say it was not only what I did but who I am, and he would be right. That’s still me, actually.


Speaking of Doug, soon gone four years....a friend of mine was here yesterday, and was asking if I’d heard from him lately. Yes, I responded.

Last week, when I was feeling rather tormented and afraid regarding unanswered questions and upcoming testing...I was talking to Doug, who had been with me thru the only couple of other medical crises I have experienced, telling him I missed that support, his hand to hold, shoulder to lean on, all that.

I had the strongest feeling that he was near, and I cried a bit, which I don’t much do. I’m still a bit teary, off and on, which is not the usual me.

Tho I am doing well, recovering nicely, etc., it was a near-miss, and that is not lost on me.

Widowhood is about managing most things on your own....of course, there are people you can call, but you just can’t be doing that all the time.

You largely take care of everything, plus take care of yourself thru whatever....that’s just the fact of it.

You had 24 hour support in the before, in the after not so much. It’s a different life.

You pull up your big girl panties, and just do it. Sigh.


On another note, what is it with Facebook pages and folks going back and re-writing reality...taking things out they posted in the past, making the sum total look completely different?

I don’t do Facebook, personally, but do follow a couple of pages that interest me, for whatever reason, and I am somewhat stunned at the seeming fragile, shifting reality of a persons Facebook page.

It’s so artificial, and detracts from the genuiness of that person.

Time for a glass of wine...actually I think it’s going to be Prosecco.

Maggie

[Protagonist]

Originally Posted by Lily&Me

On another note, what is it with Facebook pages and folks going back and re-writing reality...taking things out they posted in the past, making the sum total look completely different?

I don’t do Facebook, personally, but do follow a couple of pages that interest me, for whatever reason, and I am somewhat stunned at the seeming fragile, shifting reality of a persons Facebook page.

Don't mistake Facebook for reality. A person's Facebook page is their own personal version of reality, and no more or less valid than any of their other memories.

We all rewrite our memories, holding onto the parts we want, letting go of the parts we don't, and interpreting it all to suit how we feel when we remember it. And sometimes remembering the way it should have been rather than the way it was. Why should Facebook be any different?

On the other hand, how many Facebook users would exercise more discretion if Facebook was "write once, there forever" with no chance to take back anything that was posted? Probably not nearly enough of them.